Page 65 - issue
P. 65
Shidduchim
from a hot stove or teach them not to talk to strangers, we Accelerating the Pace of Change ©WWW
also do our best to guide our grown children when it
comes to shidduchim. Evidence-Based Treatment for Children and Adolescents ©WWW
Anxiety, Behavior, Depression & Trauma
However, at times, this can lead to our becoming unnec- Parenting Techniques with Proven Results
essarily demanding or overly sensitive with our decision-
making as we try to select what is best for our children and Momentumcounseling@outlook.com
protect them from potential danger. Any one concern 443-756-4648
might be perfectly sensible and appropriate in its own
right, but when one or two understandable concerns grow Evening and Sunday appointments
into a lengthy list of demands, that is when we can begin
to miss the forest for the trees. When we begin to overlook DAVID J. COHEN
the existence of the most important factors, giving prece-
dence to more minor worries or hakpados, in a search for Private Investigator
perfection, that is when our decision-making process can DJC Investigative Group
become counterproductive.
Licensed And Bonded - NY • Licensed - Maryland
We need to ask ourselves, “What is my motivation in
passing on this shidduch? Am I being reasonable, or am I Specializing in Civil and
going overboard and possibly using my bechira to push Criminal Investigations
away hashgacha?” If one has a true objection to the fami-
ly or the young man/woman, or, if based on the research, Cell Phone: 917-301-0430
one really just thinks it’s a bad match, even though the E-mail: djc@djcinvestigativegroup.com
family and young person are by all accounts fine people,
that is one thing. But if the family is fine, the single is fine, www.djcinvestigativegroup.com
and it sounds like a reasonable match, we must take the
suggestion very seriously before rejecting the opportunity.
We cannot supplant G-d in our search for perfection,
because perfection does not exist outside of G-d. No per-
son is perfect, and no marriage is perfect. If an opportuni-
ty is legitimate and has potential, we owe it to ourselves to
consider it earnestly. Each couple will have differences, but
if they feel they are right for one another, they will figure
out how to compromise and make it work. Our goal should
be to truly focus on our children’s needs, not our own, and
to strive to always help and guide our children, never to
undermine or hold them back.
Our challenge is to accept that we can never know
everything, and can never predict what will make our lives
go smoothly and what will not. We can imagine what those
things are, and we are tasked with doing reasonable and
sensible hishtadlus to protect ourselves and our children –
“Ushemartem me’od es nafshoseichem” – but it is only
Hashem who truly ensures and watches over our future.
Saying No with Sechel
Another aspect of this concern that I would like to address
is how it relates to the singles themselves. It is of utmost
importance to be careful not only with one’s decision-mak-
ing but also with the words used when telling a shadchan
that one does not want to date, or continue dating, the per-
son to whom he or she was redt. Of course, no one wants
to speak negatively about another person, and it is to our
credit that we understand that although this person was
not right for me, he or she may be right for someone else.
u 410 358 8509 u 61
from a hot stove or teach them not to talk to strangers, we Accelerating the Pace of Change ©WWW
also do our best to guide our grown children when it
comes to shidduchim. Evidence-Based Treatment for Children and Adolescents ©WWW
Anxiety, Behavior, Depression & Trauma
However, at times, this can lead to our becoming unnec- Parenting Techniques with Proven Results
essarily demanding or overly sensitive with our decision-
making as we try to select what is best for our children and Momentumcounseling@outlook.com
protect them from potential danger. Any one concern 443-756-4648
might be perfectly sensible and appropriate in its own
right, but when one or two understandable concerns grow Evening and Sunday appointments
into a lengthy list of demands, that is when we can begin
to miss the forest for the trees. When we begin to overlook DAVID J. COHEN
the existence of the most important factors, giving prece-
dence to more minor worries or hakpados, in a search for Private Investigator
perfection, that is when our decision-making process can DJC Investigative Group
become counterproductive.
Licensed And Bonded - NY • Licensed - Maryland
We need to ask ourselves, “What is my motivation in
passing on this shidduch? Am I being reasonable, or am I Specializing in Civil and
going overboard and possibly using my bechira to push Criminal Investigations
away hashgacha?” If one has a true objection to the fami-
ly or the young man/woman, or, if based on the research, Cell Phone: 917-301-0430
one really just thinks it’s a bad match, even though the E-mail: djc@djcinvestigativegroup.com
family and young person are by all accounts fine people,
that is one thing. But if the family is fine, the single is fine, www.djcinvestigativegroup.com
and it sounds like a reasonable match, we must take the
suggestion very seriously before rejecting the opportunity.
We cannot supplant G-d in our search for perfection,
because perfection does not exist outside of G-d. No per-
son is perfect, and no marriage is perfect. If an opportuni-
ty is legitimate and has potential, we owe it to ourselves to
consider it earnestly. Each couple will have differences, but
if they feel they are right for one another, they will figure
out how to compromise and make it work. Our goal should
be to truly focus on our children’s needs, not our own, and
to strive to always help and guide our children, never to
undermine or hold them back.
Our challenge is to accept that we can never know
everything, and can never predict what will make our lives
go smoothly and what will not. We can imagine what those
things are, and we are tasked with doing reasonable and
sensible hishtadlus to protect ourselves and our children –
“Ushemartem me’od es nafshoseichem” – but it is only
Hashem who truly ensures and watches over our future.
Saying No with Sechel
Another aspect of this concern that I would like to address
is how it relates to the singles themselves. It is of utmost
importance to be careful not only with one’s decision-mak-
ing but also with the words used when telling a shadchan
that one does not want to date, or continue dating, the per-
son to whom he or she was redt. Of course, no one wants
to speak negatively about another person, and it is to our
credit that we understand that although this person was
not right for me, he or she may be right for someone else.
u 410 358 8509 u 61
