Dear Rabbi Hochberg,

At different times throughout the year, we are very excited to get together with our married siblings and all their children at our parents’ home. It is rare that we are all together, and we want to do all we can to have a beautiful, calm atmosphere for everyone.

Unfortunately, I sense possible trouble brewing ahead. Even though we are all adults, when we get together, my siblings and I tend to slip back into the same patterns we had as children. This one always feels left out, this one wants everyone’s attention, and this one tries to be the peacemaker and ensure we all get along.

Why do we do this? Shouldn’t we all act more maturely?

Concerned Sibling

In this era of uncertainty, we are faced with challenges that even the most cynical of us could not have possibly predicted. We have changed our behavior regarding everyday activities from shopping to carpooling and from doctor’s appointments to visiting with friends. Our expectations regarding simchas and even small family gatherings have been revamped to the point where questions like, “Was it a Covid wedding” or “Did you zoom with your family?” are not uncommon. Regardless of how well we have adapted, though, there are still things that take us by surprise. We are so hypo-focused on anything that has to do with Covid that we don’t even realize that other aspects of our life, which we took for granted, are being upended without warning. My most recent collision with an ever-changing reality occurred while looking through one of our venerable international frum magazines during Chanukah.

The shivah is over for Baltimore’s esteemed First Lady of Chesed, Mrs. Hannah Storch,a”h, and her passing symbolizes the end of a generation of Baltimore greats, those who laid the foundations of the community we enjoy today. But more than a symbol, Mrs. Storch was a warm, kind, and generous individual, the quintessential eishes chayil, who fulfilled the ideals of the Torah and led by example. Hannah’s impeccable character spoke volumes to all who knew her and even to those who only heard of her. I, personally, have known her “forever” as the Storches and my parents were devoted friends. I am honored to have this opportunity to recount her praises.

In the last issue, I described recent research into a phenomenon called adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs. Studies show that abuse and neglect, exposure to domestic violence, household substance abuse, parental mental illness, parental separation or divorce, or an incarcerated household member, affect people into adulthood and can even decrease their lifespan. They are more likely to struggle with alcoholism, drug abuse, and depression as well as cancer, heart disease, and chronic lung disease. While, trauma in childhood has been called “the greatest public health issue of our times,” it is often hidden and unrecognized.

As we learn more about the epidemiology of COVID-19, it appears that the main source of transmission is through virus-carrying droplets and airborne aerosols. However, direct person-to-person contact is also thought to play a role, which has led to recommendations for masking, social distancing, and hand hygiene. These recommendations are having a major impact on human behavior and threaten to relegate the ubiquitous handshake to the waste (or hand) basket of history.

Shaking hands has a long history as one of the most recognized forms of non-verbal human communication, probably first recorded in

A lot of parents ask me, “How do you do it? How do you have a good experience in the kitchen with kids?” They tell me they can’t have the mess, they don’t want the disorganization – they just can’t do it. And I answer, yes, you can. Getting kids in the kitchen is a beautiful thing. The kitchen is a wonderful place to make memories – and those memories can be fond ones (as opposed to the miserable, crying ones). In fact, making food with children is an amazing multipurpose activity. Not only are there numerous fun learning opportunities with food as you talk about science, math, logistics, and chemistry but you can build self-esteem at the same time. And having the “carrot” of a delicious treat at the end doesn’t hurt either.

In the introduction to this series, I explained how, many years ago, I wrote a book for my children on advice for life. It was based largely on Pirkei Avos, whose principles I have tried to live by and tried to instill in them. Parts one and two of this four-part series dealt largely with choosing a marriage partner. In part three, I continue with another element of success in life, namely family finances. This includes learning and working, planning for a career, investing, and using money as Hashem intended. This fits in well with the investment theme of this month’s Where What When.

On December 8, 1941, my Dad, who was at that time too old to be drafted, quit his job and volunteered to join the fight against tyranny. Two-and-a-half years later, on June 6, 1944, he was on a landing craft approaching Omaha Beach at Normandy. After surviving the greatest and most costly invasion in history, and after suffering through the Battle of the Bulge, he was among the first American soldiers to enter Germany on March 22, 1945.

After the war, my Dad returned home, tossed his medals into a cigar box, hung up his uniform, got a job, and got married. He rarely spoke about the war until a couple of years before his death in 2006.

To the Shadchan:

 At 36, I have a good job and am successful in my chosen career. When I was in my early and mid-20s, I was focused on finishing college and graduate school and getting a good job. I have dated over the years, but I started late, and I realize now that I was not really ready for marriage at the time when most people start homes and families.

I felt like I came late to the party. I was exposed to COVID so many times before I was finally diagnosed with it the week of October 11^th. My mom had it and was hospitalized for two weeks. Some of my siblings had it; they waited it out at home and were okay. I wasn’t admitted to the hospital until October 19^th, and my experience was – shall we say, interesting. I learned a lot and am still processing what happened.

I really don’t know where I picked up the virus. I had traveled to the Midwest to spend Yom Tov with my parents, and shortly after I returned to Baltimore, I attended a friend’s wedding – masked, of course. I work in a health care facility, and we had some COVID cases, so it is kind of crazy that it took so long for me to get it. In the building where I live with my roommates, there were people who had Corona, but we didn’t catch it. We were being really careful.