Over the past number of decades, klal Yisrael as a whole has grown so much in terms of dikduk (meticulousness) in mitzvos. This is true of so many different halachos: standards of kashrus, shmiras Shabbos, Torah learning – the list goes on. In regard to shmiras halashon, there has also been tremendous headway in awareness of this serious issue. Many people therefore study sefer Chofetz Chaim or one of the many English sefarim about shmiras halashon on a regular basis. Yet many of us continue to struggle with the adherence, in practice, to the halachos of shmiras halashon.

Just recently, I presented some practical applications of hilchos lashon hara to a number of serious yeshiva students. They were a bit shocked 

Chanukah vacation has passed, Purim is far away, and the midyear slump is upon us. This is the time to get into the solid work of life – keeping to a schedule, teaching content, doing homework. All our lofty aspirations from the beginning of the year are taking shape now in the day-to-day reality that is parenting and teaching.

How do we make sure that we keep going in the right direction toward achieving what we hoped for at the beginning of the year? We have all experienced looking back at a decision that turned out poorly and saying, “What was I thinking?” While this column won’t prevent that totally, it may minimize its likelihood. The key to getting to our desired destination when planning a task or activity with our children and students is to ask the question, why?

I was shopping at Seven Mile Market when I bumped into Shlomo Tzvi Baden, who over 20 years ago, when he was a student at Georgia Tech, boarded in my home in Atlanta. He asked me if I would be interested in hosting singles for a Shabbos meal once a month. After filling out a form answering questions on preferences, etc., for his project, Singles on the First (SotF), my husband and I had the privilege of hosting two young women for Shabbos lunch. When recently I asked to host singles again, Mr. Baden said, “I need more people, both singles and hosts, in your neighborhood and others.”

SotF is one of the latest efforts by Baltimore individuals and organizations to focus on singles. Mr. Baden started this project a little over a year ago after reading an article by a divorced woman. She felt frustrated and neglected and asked others to please reach out to to her. Mr. Baden felt that he “had to step up and do something” for all singles. First he contacted several rabbis to ask if anyone was setting up singles for Shabbos meals. Rabbi Daniel Rose, of Congregation B’nai Jacob Shaarei Zion, told him that Steve Schwarz had recently asked him a similar question. Soon, Mr. Baden and Mr. Schwarz started SotF. Although they confer with each other, Mr. Schwarz mainly arranges formal meals several times a year for 10 or more singles, while Mr. Baden sets up singles once a month for Shabbos meals.

SotF’s purpose may be for singles to have a place to eat on Shabbos, but it has a side benefit: When singles meet more people in the community, and their hosts get to know them, magical things might happen, like dating suggestions.

Mt. Everest is one of the world’s most remote spots. To get there from Kathmandu, you have to walk through the Himalayas for days to the remote town of Lukla. Or you can take a turbulent half-hour flight to Lukla, the most dangerous airport in the world. Once you land, it’s a seven- to twelve-day trek to Everest Base Camp at the foot of the great mountain. On Everest itself, the weather is unpredictable with high winds and surprise blizzards. You risk altitude sickness, frostbite, and exhaustion, and you can die from an avalanche or a fall.

You would think people would avoid this place, yet thousands have visited it. Thousands more yearn to go. It is so crowded that there are “traffic jams,” lines of climbers ascending or descending in single file. With no way to pass each other, if you are stuck too long in the “death zone,” you can run out of oxygen and simply collapse. Rescue missions are almost impossible, and those who do not make it will lie frozen in this wasteland forever.

Pinchus Shnier of Baltimore went to Mt. Everest. Here is his story.

With the start of 2020, we have launched on a brand new year – and a brand new decade! May we all have perfect, 20/20 vision this year (if only in the metaphorical sense) to revisit our aspirations and goals. For me, this mid-winter new year has always been a good time to reevaluate and plan for the future. And while long-term goals are great, having several small goals that are easily attainable will start the year off right. Breaking a big goal down into manageable chunks is crucial. And those chunks should be easy to accomplish and have a time limit. The Chofetz Chaim once said that his resolution for the New Year was to bentch from a bentcher from Rosh Hashanah until Chanukah. That was his goal. It was doable and had a time limit.  

PetALS and Thorns (Tfutza Publications, 2019) is a collection of essays written by Esther Klein, a woman in Israel who suffers from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease). The book is fascinating because it gives the reader insight into the thoughts of a woman who cannot talk or move but whose mind is working perfectly. She was able to type these articles with great effort using the one finger that was still working. In the preface of the book, her children write that she is no longer able to use that one finger so they had to write the preface for her.

Esther speaks about her hashkafos in life and her great love for her family. She is able to express her feelings in an honest and refreshing way. Somehow when the words come from the heart of a woman who is suffering so much, they are meaningful and believable.

Dear Rabbi Hochberg,

The other night I was having a discussion with my husband about our twelve-year old son. Apparently, he has not been doing his homework and the teachers are getting frustrated with him. He is a smart boy who gets excellent grades at school. But he doesn’t like to do homework. My husband tries every night to help him, but it usually ends in a fight with both of them frustrated. We tried bribing him, threatening him, talking to him, etc., but nothing works. I don’t want to get another phone call from his teacher.

What should we do?

Frustrated Mom

On December 18, at our Chayeinu event, we had the privilege to hear Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz speak with parents in our community on having an ongoing dialogue with their children about alcohol and drug use. During the talk, he shared a story about a conversation he had with a policeman who had responded to an overdose in the Jewish community. While the Rabbi expressed some surprise that the opioid crisis was now taking Jewish lives, the policeman reminded him that there is no good reason for Jews to be immune, because substance use and abuse is a human problem.

The Sunday Baltimore Sun (December 1) ran a front-page article on progress made toward enacting recreational marijuana legalization in Maryland for adults. (Medical marijuana was legalized in 2014.) The article begins by acknowledging that the likelihood of legalizing recreational marijuana use for adults “is growing dim for 2020,” with the bipartisan work group still in “investigative mode.” The article goes on to explain that state lawmakers are looking into a variety of issues: 1) setting tax rates, 2) identifying marijuana-influenced driving, and 3) expunging old convictions (presumably of cannabis possession).

These are no doubt important issues, though it is interesting that nowhere on this list is the concern that marijuana legalization will increase marijuana-related problems. As we have noted before [see www.wherewhatwhen.com/authors/view/michael-kidorf] marijuana is not a benign drug. While occasional marijuana use poses only minor risks, chronic marijuana use is associated with a number of well-documented health concerns. Among these concerns are the development of cannabis use disorder, cognitive and memory difficulties, psychological and physical problems, diminished educational and employment achievements, and more motor vehicle accidents. Teenagers and adults with ADHD, psychiatric conditions, or a history of trauma are particularly vulnerable to experiencing these problems.

Chanukah is a spiritual time filled with the possibility of accomplishing that which appears impossible. The Maccabees won over the powerful Greeks in spite of the odds. They won not because they were the most prepared, the most numerous, or had the most weapons. They won because they showed up and tried, and Hashem was with them.

When we know Hashem is with us, we, too, can truly do anything, even what appears to the outside eye as impossible. We need only decide what we want to do. I feel strongly about this. (Yes, vanilla and Trader Joe’s are only two of my hot buttons; I have others!) I strongly believe that each of us is solely responsible for his or her life. You get to choose how you act and who you are today, no matter what experiences you’ve gone through. It doesn’t matter what your parents did or didn’t do, or what your friends, colleagues, or bosses did or thought. Today is your day, and only you are in charge of your life.