One of my grandchildren’s favorite books is the Little Engine that Could by Watty Piper. It is a story about a group of toys that need to have their train pulled over the mountain to reach “the good little boys and girls on the other side.” Most of the engines they ask refuse to help, until a little engine comes along and does the job while saying, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….”

Internal and External Motivation

My son Shloime, who is a therapist, shared something about motivation that connects with the month of Elul and Rosh Hashanah. Growing up in yeshiva, he remembers that many of the speeches he heard were rooted in what psychologists call extrinsic motivation. That’s the kind of motivation that comes from desire for reward, fear of punishment, or concern about being judged and what G-d thinks of you. 

There’s nothing wrong with that. For a lot of people, that awareness of being seen is exactly what wakes them up and pulls them toward doing better. Fear is an essential tool for improving human behavior. 

But there’s another kind of motivation, intrinsic motivation, where the doing itself is the reward. A person who learns Torah because the learning itself lights up something in them or someone who does a mitzvah because it feels like an extension of who they are is intrinsically motivated. Nothing outside the act needs to happen for them to want to keep doing it.

It’s that time of the year again: A new school year! A new beginning!

As days begin to shorten and the weather turns cool and refreshing, everyone involved in our schools looks forward to the new year. Yet along with the excitement, there may be a bit of anxiety. Parents pray that their child will be happy and successful. Children worry about their teachers and friends. But they are not the only ones. Teachers, too, may be nervous. One teacher, describing her anticipation of the first day of school, said, “I prepare myself for the responsibility of 22 or more precious children who will be in my care – prepare myself to love them, understand them, respect them and help them grow. I want to give them my all; they are my responsibility. They are the children of Hashem, and they are depending on me.”

As the first day of school gets closer, the anticipation grows and preparations begin. I spoke to some teachers and asked them what a parent can do to help their child succeed in school.

When I was young, we used to play a game called Telephone. One person whispered a sentence in the ear of the person next to her, and that person passed it down the line. The fun of the game was to hear the final message, which was always very different from the original one.

The same misunderstandings happen in the real world when telephone, text, and email messages – even face-to-face conversations – get muddled when repeated from one person to another. Whether it is a typo in a text or ambiguous words that are misinterpreted or simply because people sometimes hear what they want to hear, the result is the same: the speaker’s intent doesn’t come through.

You might think that communication in our digital age would be an improvement over the past. But, although everyone today has their own phone and can be reached wherever they are, our instantaneous digital conversations have their downsides. You can’t read the other person’s body language when texting or emailing, so you miss cues to understanding. Emojis are a poor substitute. Texts, especially, are usually written in a hurry and are often misunderstood. Sometimes people even send a text or email to the wrong person! When people talk face to face, at least you can see the other person’s expressions and reactions. Yet, even that is not enough. 

We all want to live a long life in good health. But to do that, we have to get old. Aging is not easy and sometimes requires support from grown children, service providers, and the community.

Mrs. Smith* explained how difficult it was when her elderly father suddenly deteriorated from one minute to the next. He was living independently and taking care of himself, when he suddenly became disoriented and could not be left alone. It was very difficult to transport him, so the family really needed care at home. “We felt so lost,” explained Mrs. Smith. “We needed information about who could provide services like blood tests or IVs at home. We just did not know where to turn. It would be great if somebody would compile a list of service providers to help families in our situation.”

Mrs. Smith added, “One of the things we really appreciated was kindness from the people we met in the hospital or who came to our home. When you are in such a vulnerable situation, being treated with respect and sensitivity is most important. My father was an intelligent, articulate gentleman, and I wanted the caregivers and the people that interacted with him to treat him respectfully.”

I went on to speak to many service providers in our community. The information I gathered can be useful to families and seniors as they age. I found it amazing that every person I spoke to taught me something new. Most of all, I learned that supporting the elderly is not a one-person job. Caregivers, whether they are children or employees, need the support of society. I thank the people who contributed to this article.

All of us listen to the news and hear the facts about the war in Eretz Yisrael. But nothing compares to hearing from people who are living through it. I spoke with a few of my relatives to find out what it is like.

I spoke first to my sister, Chaya, who lives in Bnei Brak. I asked her why she sounds so calm. Wasn’t she worried that a missile might fall on her head during our conversation? She explained that it is a defense mechanism. “You can’t live in constant fear and remain sane,” she said. “Life goes on as normal most of the time.”

While we were taking at about 10 p.m., Israeli time, one of Chaya’s daughters was outside going for a walk with her friend. I found that hard to believe. Chaya explained, “The children are prepared. They understand that if an alert comes, they should go into a shelter room in a nearby building. Other adults on the street help the children. If a siren goes off while people are on a bus, the bus stops and people go into nearby buildings.

While we were talking, there was an automated call from her children’s teachers explaining that, although there would be no school tomorrow, the children would learn over the phone.

A young patient of Dr. Sondra Heiligman, a beloved pediatrician in our community, once went to an urgent care for an earache. The PA who examined the child playfully told her that he saw an elephant in her ear. The child was surprised and said that her doctor, Dr. Heiligman, had said the same thing. It turned out that the PA was one of the students who had studied under Dr. Heiligman.

This amusing anecdote shows Dr. Heiligman’s enjoyment of children as well as her desire to serve others, including medical students. These qualities, along with her interest in science, led her toward a career in pediatrics. Volunteering in the hospital playroom was one experience that helped shape her path. She graduated from Albert Einstein College of Medicine in 1985, did her residency and training in Maryland, and later completed a fellowship in pediatric endocrinology.