As a frum society, we are excellent at self-flagellation. At the drop of a magazine, we can muster up long lists of all the problems in our communities. But sometimes I wonder if we know how to appreciate what we do have. Are we aware, for example, that as we speak, Western society is grappling with a serious masculinity crisis?

The New York Times, in a recent article titled “It’s Not Just a Feeling,” assures us that this is not just hype. The actual data on the ground shows how dramatically boys and young men are falling behind. For example, only 41% of college degrees now go to men. Atlantic magazine has dubbed this “the new marriage of unequals,” as more-educated women marry less-educated men. Men in the workforce are in decline – in fact, one in ten men aged 20 to 24 is doing neither school nor work. Mental health crises among young men are climbing, as is addiction and suicide – at four times the rate of young women.

And all this is just the backdrop to the most tragic part – the way this crisis is affecting family life. A whopping two-thirds of American children are born to single mothers, even as research shows that the single most important marker for success in life is being raised by two parents. As one commentator put it, women are advancing in every area – while men are becoming really excellent at video games.

Taken together, it’s clear that referring to this as a “crisis of masculinity” is not hyperbole. In fact, it might be an understatement.

If one baby is adorable, three are even better. There is something magical about triplets that makes everyone turn their heads as they pass on the street. How delightful it is to see them together, bringing smiles to the faces of all those around them. We smile, and we go on with our day. But what about the mothers of those triplets? How do they keep smiles on their faces, and how in the world do they go on with their day? Let’s look at what a few mothers of triplets have to say about the experience.

Surprise!

When Naomi Grossman* found out that she was expecting triplets, she was quite surprised. She had a one-year-old at home and never expected him to be followed so soon by three little siblings! She notes, however, that it was not a foreign concept to her, as in the year prior to her triplets’ birth, she knew of a few families who had triplets. That knowledge helped with the initial shock, making triplets seem like a somewhat normal, doable thing. 

When Zehava Wasserman discovered her upcoming triple blessing, she was both relieved and apprehensive. She had waited five years after her marriage to be blessed with children, so the news was very exciting. 

Faigy Shpitz, however, had a very different reaction upon being informed that she was carrying three. Faigy’s sister, an ultrasound technician, was the first one to reveal the triplets. When her sister informed her, Faigy said she “just cried from fear.” Her sister, meanwhile, was very excited and ran to tell Faigy’s husband. Faigy says, “My husband just smiled. He’s a very calm, chilled, controlled person, which really helped.” 

When the Gold* family moved to Baltimore, they knew they didn’t have to worry about their welcome. Of course, their new neighbors would share their flour, eggs, and simchas. They would take in the mail for the ones who went away and babysit for each other’s children. And certainly, when a new neighbor moved in, they would bring over cookies and say hello. People, especially in the Baltimore community, go the extra mile to make sure everyone feels welcome. Being sensitive to others beyond regular friendliness is a level up that we can all achieve. It is a middah that takes effort to develop but is so important to acquire.

Don’t Wait… Anticipate

One of the most important and challenging mitzvos is kibbud av v’eim – honoring parents. The prime examples provided by Chazal (Kiddushin 31b) of honoring parents are feeding, dressing, and transporting them. Although under normal circumstances the need for this is limited, this mitzva comes to the fore with elderly parents who are no longer able to care for their own needs. It can be tremendously taxing for the children to take care of elderly parents. On the physical level, being on call to assist with daily functions can become very time consuming and involve great physical strain. On the emotional level, it can be very difficult to see one’s parents age and decline; a feeling that is exacerbated when needing to help them with basic life functions.

Of course, we all understand that there is a mitzva in the Torah to assist our parents even when it is very difficult. We also understand that we have a basic responsibility to show hakaras hatov (gratitude) to our parents for bringing us into the world and for raising us. This sense of gratitude behooves us to take care of them as they age.

One of the most pressing issues of our day in yeshivishe circles is the shidduch plight. In this essay, I would like to offer a multi-pronged approach to cutting it down to size. In broad terms, the issue at its core lies in the difficulty in arranging a shidduch, which, in turn, derives from two factors. One is the imbalance in the number of girls and boys entering the parsha each year. The other is the yawning and ever-growing gap between the ever-increasing population of the Torah world and the availability of shadchanim.

Guidance of our Gedolim

Around 2023, an audacious initiative was undertaken by numerous rabbanim, spearheaded by Rav Moshe Hillel Hirsch, shlit”a. They issued a call for girls returning from seminary to delay dating for one year, while boys should begin dating, wherever possible, one year earlier. However you do the math, this would, over time, dramatically reduce the disproportion between boys and girls entering the shidduch market while also achieving greater age parity in dating. This plan offers much-needed relief for girls.

Let us pray that singles and their parents heed this directive. Time will tell.

When we daven Nesana Tokef each Yom Kippur, we recite, “Mi yichyei u’mi yamus – who will live and who will die.” We do not know what the judgment will be, and we pray for a year of life and health. But other than davening to Hashem, what else can we do?

Over the last 40 years, the Baltimore community has helped many widows, divorced woman and their children, and orphans after they have unfortunately lost a loved one and there was no plan to replace the lost parnassa that the deceased had been providing for the family. I have been involved, too often, in helping raise these needed funds. Many millions have been raised, and tzedakahs like Sister to Sister ( helping divorced woman only), Avigdor’s Helping Hand, a New York-based tzedakah organization, and our local Ahavas Yisrael Charity Fund have provided tzedakah to these mishpachos. Rabbi Boruch Brull, the executive director of Ahavas Yisrael, has been at the forefront of many of these efforts.

I am a big believer in buying insurance that will protect you and your family. I am not a professional financial advisor nor an insurance broker. I am a conservative businessman, and many people come to me for financial counsel, which I am happy to give, using my extensive life experience as a guide.

All insurances are important: health, disability, homeowners, car liability, life insurance, and long-term care. Let’s take a look at life insurance. I have purchased and studied many policies over many years. I also administer the Finkel Family Mechanchim Baltimore Insurance Fund, which provides term life insurance to over 170 limudei kodesh rebbes, teachers, and administrators of the schools Mr. Finkel chose. This fund was started by philanthropist Sidney Finkel, z”l, of Baltimore with the counsel of Rabbi Herman Neuberger, zt”l. Mr. Finkel handed me a check for one million dollars to endow this project. How very important and wonderful such a project is. But even with this program in place, mechanchim still need to purchase more term insurance to properly insure their mishpachos.

As I wrote last year, Pesach is very different here in Israel. The war brought us many challenges, and I will try and give you my perspective from the ground. During the early days of the war, no one was allowed outside due to the constant flow of missiles from Iran. In conjunction with the Chief Rabbinate of Israel, there were no minyanim allowed due to pikuach nefesh. Shuls were shuttered, and any other sort of gatherings were not allowed. After about seven to ten days, Home Front command allowed gatherings of 50 people, so neighborhoods such as ours had a minyan in an underground parking garage, in our case because of its proximity to a shelter. 

Originally, my wife and I were planning on visiting my mother in Baltimore in early March on the way to our grandson’s bar-mitzva in New Jersey a couple weeks later. We were hoping to spend time with our children in the States as well as with my siblings and friends, whom we miss very much. But Hashem had other plans. Our flight to America was cancelled on numerous occasions, and by the time we got a flight to leave 10 days later, our travel became extremely problematic. One of the personal casualties of this war was both of us having to watch our grandson’s bar mitzva siyum via Zoom.

Once shuls were allowed to re-open for the chag, we were limited to 50 people davening in the shul’s shelter. Friday, April 10^th, was the first day since late February that we were able to have a minyan with full participation in shul. During the restricted days, minyanim were done on a first-come-first-served basis sign-up sheet. My wife, feeling she did not have an obligation to daven with a minyan – even though she does so every week – felt that signing up was not appropriate if it took away space from someone who was obligated to daven. She settled for Yizkor at home. 

by Yehoshua Sopher

Turning 65 should be a celebration. Instead, many low-income Maryland seniors wake up to a rude surprise: Their Medicaid health insurance suddenly stops being handled through the Maryland Health Connection (MHC) website. MHC is hard enough to navigate. Now, you are taken to the benefits website (formerly myMDThink). The seamless, automated system you’ve used for years disappears overnight.

Seniors automatically lose Medicaid coverage on their 65^th birthday. At 65, everything moves to benefits.maryland.gov, a completely different portal with different rules, different documentation, and a much stricter income calculation. Many seniors lose coverage for long periods of time simply because they didn’t know this transition happens. It’s a terrible “birthday present,” and it catches people off guard every year. You are automatically removed on your birthday from Medicaid and have to figure out how to get it back.

Another shock is that Medicaid eligibility becomes month?to?month after age 65. A single month of higher income – even by a small amount – can cause a temporary loss of coverage. Seniors who were used to annual renewals suddenly find themselves in a system that recalculates everything every month.

The day after Pesach, my husband and I flew back from Atlanta, and my oldest grandson, visiting from Israel, surprised us. In the den, he walked over to my keyboard and said, “Bubby, you must have had this for 30 years.” He was right. I remembered how he and his cousin enjoyed playing their own “music” when they could hardly reach the keys. Even though I would love to hear him play the keyboard again, we know that it’s sefira. During this time, it’s a challenge for me not to pop in a CD of Avraham Fried or listen to the works of Mozart, Beethoven, or Bach, which I learned to like from a shaila I asked my rabbi.

About 35 years ago, the year after my beloved father passed away, I called Rabbi Emanuel Feldman (now Rabbi Emeritus of Congregation Beth Jacob) and asked, “When can I listen to music again?” After answering, he shared that when his year of aveilus was over, he turned on his radio and heard his favorite piece of classical music.

I remember each year anew why I love the spring. Maybe it’s the flowering blossoms on the trees, or perhaps it’s the green shoots coming out of the ground. Here in Baltimore, this season takes its time to unfurl. It’s a wonderful feast for the eyes as the Master Conductor wakes up His creations, each in turn, from the long and cold winter slumber.

Spring has always been my favorite season, and flowers were something I enjoyed planting in the homes where I’ve lived. Since moving to a condominium, I’ve brought spring into my home with the tulips and daffodils, which grace my Shabbos table. The cold and icy winter we had this year has helped me to appreciate this season more than ever, and I’m grateful now for each blade of grass as far as the eye can see.

Gratitude has found its way into my worldview in other ways as well. This past Taanis Esther was a day like none I had ever experienced before, since it coincided with the events in Eretz Yisrael. My davening had more meaning, and for the first time, I felt as though I got a tiny glimpse of what Yidden in the days of Mordechai must have experienced. Gratitude indeed.