I learned recently that the new Baltimore
group, Let’s Connect, will be starting a welcome wagon for any women over age
50 who move to Baltimore. What a fabulous idea that is. As you are probably
aware, women who are at or near retirement age are moving to cities where their
children reside. They come from Silver Spring and Denver, Boston and Atlanta –
you name it. I know plenty of women from Cleveland who have moved to Lakewood, pulling
up stakes and leaving the place they called home for 30 years or more. They
want to be near their children and grandchildren while they are still young enough
to enjoy them.
It certainly is a great idea and
one my husband and I have considered, but there’s just something about
Baltimore that makes the decision to move to Lakewood a hard one. As my parents
have often said since moving here from the small town where they lived for 59
years, “People here are just so nice!” Everyone has a kind word to say, from
the servers at the restaurants to the cashiers at the grocery stores, even the
lady at the post office. Could it be Southern hospitality, I wonder, since
Baltimore is at the top of the Southern states? Maybe it’s because so many
generations stayed in Baltimore and have never left. No matter where my husband
(who was born and bred right here) and I go, we manage to meet many people who
graduated from Pikesville High.
And look at our wonderful community
that’s filled with achdus as far as the eye can see. How heartwarming it
is to attend events with rabbanim of every stripe. It’s a credit to them and to
the people from each shul and, of course, to Ner Yisroel, which instills the
importance of middos tovos. It’s incredible how often men who are at
least 30 years younger than my husband stop and take the time to say hello or good
Shabbos and who offer him rides to shul, come rain or shine.
I like to focus on the beauty of
Baltimore and enjoy taking brief moments to notice the sky and trees as I head
to my car on my way to somewhere. And even when the temperatures are cold and
the wind makes it feel even colder, I think about my friends back in Cleveland,
where temperatures often go into single digits with heavy snow accumulation on
a regular basis, and I’m grateful to have moved to this warmer climate that I
fondly refer to as “Florida.” I guess it’s all relative.
I’m finding out something else
that’s just as wonderful. I’m meeting women of all ages who are serious about
growing in Torah. I sit in shiurim with women who are certainly 20 years
younger than I and am amazed at their yearning to change. These women with busy
households of their own, whose heads are filled with carpool schedules and
dentist appointments, meal planning and camp applications, have decided to
carve out time along with some headspace to work on changing themselves.
I look at them and am in awe. They
who are on the frontlines and who can just as easily become completely enwrapped
in the world of gashmius have decided to take action. And as I sit among
them, they don’t just smile at this bubby who happens to be in their midst,
they say hello and include me in their conversations. I surely don’t expect it,
but it is a warm and welcoming feeling all the same.
Nevertheless, I find myself
circling back to this idea of moving to Lakewood to be closer to my children,
and my mind spins a lovely technicolor tale. I see grandchildren clustering
around a delicious pizza pie as my husband and I sit among them, enjoying an erev
Shabbos afternoon. There we all are, laughing and talking and plotting and
planning our next adventure. Oh, how exciting it all sounds, and as I think of how
everyone here in Baltimore seems to be coming and going with one grandchild or
another, I’m reminded of how much I am missing.
It was my youngest child who sat me
down one fine day and set me straight. Her words took my picturesque mental
video and changed it into reality. She noted how one of her friend’s mothers
was a kindergarten teacher in her previous city but, upon moving to a new town,
had difficulty finding a job. My well-intentioned daughter then proceeded to
burst my flowery balloon even further by letting me know just how busy all my
children and precious grandchildren are and how she didn’t think they would
have that much time to spend with their dear old grandparents. “And besides,”
my ever-confident daughter stated, “look how happy you both are now. You have
such a wonderfully productive life. Why change everything?”
After that “interrogation,” I
definitely came down off my cloud with a clunk. I felt on the defensive and couldn’t
admit that perhaps my daughter was right. It took some time to realize that
indeed she really was. My husband and I are really and truly happy with our
lives and find ourselves visiting our children fairly often anyway. It was
after my daughter shared her wisdom with me that I realized things are perfect
just as they are – not because I said so and not because my daughter said so
either. It’s because Hashem decided that this is exactly where my husband and I
should be, in this incredibly warm and welcoming place called Baltimore!
