Many young couples choose to begin their married lives in Eretz Yisrael. I was curious about how and why they do that and what the experience is like for them. Although it seems clear that the best time to move is as newlyweds, when couples do not have to worry as much about expenses and children, most of those I asked did not cite those factors. Instead, they responded incredulously. They assumed it would be obvious that Eretz Yisrael is the land of the Jews and one does not need a specific reason to want to live there.
I only spoke to the wives, so these
words are from their perspective.
Matan and Atara Alper
Atara says, “Both my husband and I
wanted to live in Eretz Yisrael; it was one of the first preconditions we had
while dating. My husband had spent several years there in yeshiva, and after
seminary, I found that I couldn’t stay away for too long. On one of my trips to
Eretz Yisrael midway into graduate school, it dawned on me that it would not be
sustainable to keep visiting every year and a half to recharge once I was
married with kids, so the obvious solution was to just move there. Both my
husband and I enjoy the relative ease of spiritual connection and
growth in Yiddishkeit that is available when living in Eretz
Yisrael, not to mention the incomparable feeling of being “home.” We are not
planning to come back to the U.S., although no one knows what the future holds.
We only keep one day of Yom Tov.”
Here is Atara’s advice to young
couples moving to Eretz Yisrael: “Come! I truly believe that, for all its
challenges, it is a tremendous privilege to live in Eretz Yisrael, and Hashem
has given us and countless other families tremendous siyata d’Shmaya in “making
it work.”
“The landing can be bumpy, but overall,
there is a quality of life here that is simply not available elsewhere. If you
can set yourself up with remote work or a skillset that can be used here
for parnassa, that obviously will help things along in the parnassa department,
but there are as many stories and experiences in that regard as there are
people living here. There are also so many amazing resources to help Americans
navigate life in Israel, such as Chaim V’Chessed and Nefesh B’Nefesh. Friends
and neighbors are often more than willing to help each other out and share
knowledge and resources so that setting up a life here does not feel like a
lonely endeavor.”
Of course, there are some
difficulties as well. Atara says, “The obvious disadvantages are being away
from family and feeling like a foreigner in terms of language and culture. When
we go back to Baltimore, we are often struck by the ease of reconnecting with
our old friends and community members and feeling that sense of familiar
hominess. It’s a lot harder to acquire here, as immigrants. Some people find
communities that really feel like the perfect fit, but for many others, finding
a community that fits their vision in terms of religious level, demographics,
population density, location, price point, etc. feels a lot more elusive.”
Atara is a speech therapist and
works remotely with public school children in California from her home in Afula
Illit. Her husband works in finance for an American company. When I asked her
about managing financially in Eretz Yisrael she says, “Financially, things seem
like they balance out. On the one hand, salaries are lower and housing expenses
can be high; on the other hand, tuition and health insurance are highly
subsidized and material standards are generally lower (e.g., most families don’t
have more than one car, if that). But it honestly seems like people are
struggling financially on both sides of the ocean, and for Americans
in Israel, if you can manage to work remotely, it helps ease the burden.”
Atara’s children are fluent in both
English and Hebrew. She says,” Their Hebrew is generally fluent at a peer level,
but their vocabulary is still catching up. In English, their vocabulary is
great, but their grammar is a bit lagging. We speak English at home
but switch to Hebrew when their friends come over or when doing homework.”
Rivky and Eli
Rivky and Eli live in Ramat Eshkol
with many other young American couples. They moved to Eretz Yisrael right after
they got married because Eli wanted to continue learning there. I asked Rivky
if you must be fluent in Hebrew to manage in Eretz Yisrael. She says, “Not at
all. That being said, my husband does speak a good basic Hebrew and takes care
of all government-related matters like insurance, visas, and bituach leumi
(health insurance), so I guess I would say one spouse should have a basic grasp
of the language for these sorts of things.”
When asked about how they manage
financially, Rivky says, “I work really hard! I have a remote job that’s flexible
regarding the hours I have to work, so that is a huge bracha. I make
about $27 dollars an hour and work approximately six hours a day. I also work
twice a week as a gan morah from 8:45 to 1:30 and make about $100 per
day from that. In the summer, I make a keytana (day camp) where I can
charge more. (I made about $800 a week.) Additionally, my husband brings home
about $1,000 a month from kollel, night seder, and tutoring bachurim. We
also live in a neighborhood with cheaper rent. It is about a 10-minute walk to
where our friends live, but it means we can afford our rent and can put
money into savings each month, so it’s worth it for us.”
I asked Rivky if she thinks that
Americans can use their degrees and skills acquired in the U.S. in Eretz
Yisrael. She says, “For sure any talent-based job can be done here the same as
America such as photography, baking, graphics, etc. A lot of my friends who are
accountants brought their jobs here. Also, BCBAs working for ABA companies can
do the paperwork side of the job here. On the other hand, I don’t think anyone
in the medical field can work here. One of my friends went to college to become
a sonographer and cannot do anything with her degree here.”
When asked about the advantages and
disadvantages of living in Eretz Yisrael, Rivky had this to say: “It’s the Holy
Land! It’s a mitzva to live here! We have the kosel and other holy
sites. Yiddishkeit comes alive during Yomim Tovim – it’s in the air! The
whole city is hustling and bustling with Yom Tov cheer. My husband is happy and
settled and feels like he has a place in the community. For most of the year,
the weather is beautiful. We just switched our wardrobes over to winter last
week! Most days, we spend the afternoon at the park with friends. Nice weather
makes a huge difference! I also feel safer here than in America. Even when the
war was going on and we were in bomb shelters as missiles flew above us, I
still felt more protected! In my opinion it’s a great way to start a marriage.
You really have only each other to rely on and think about.”
As far as finances go, Rivky says,
“I never made the calculations, but I think it’s cheaper to live in Israel. The
rent in the American areas is crazy, and the flights home are very expensive,
but aside from that, you don’t have to pay for a car with its upkeep, gas, and
insurance. Health insurance here is about $40 a month. Groceries are cheaper.
The government pays for you to give birth here. Childcare is around $300 a
month until the age of three, and from then on, it’s pretty much free. There’s
very low tuition for boys, and school is totally free for girls.”
Rivky says that the main disadvantage
is not having family. “That part is hard. I make Shabbos most weeks, and unless
we eat out for dinner, I make it. In America, my siblings are most often at my
parents’ house for Shabbos and pick up dinner from my mother whenever they
want.
“And flying to America is dreadful!
It’s expensive and the 12-hour flight with young children is exhausting – and that’s
even if you don’t have a stopover. Also, the Israeli mentality takes a lot of
getting used to! Israelis are not as polite as Americans, and the customer
service here is not as advanced. There are not many activities here for young
kids on rainy days and Chol Hamoed. In America, on a rainy day, you can go to
an indoor jumping room or arcades. Here, there is no such thing.”
Yitzchok and Sarah*
“We moved to Eretz Yisrael because
my husband was learning well here,” says Sarah. “He had been here for three
years before we got married, so he had no place in America. (We got engaged
right after Pesach, so he never left Eretz Yisrael.) The original plan was to
take it year by year. Almost 10 years later we are still here, and at this
point looks like we are staying.
“Living in Eretz Yisrael is a beautiful,
simple life. Kids here have very low expectations, and it is easier to live
simply and at the standard we want. For example, it is the norm to not have a
smartphone; in America, it’s much harder to live without one.”
At the same time there are
challenges. “I miss my family very much!” says Sarah. “We don’t go back
often, and our parents don’t come often. Simchas and Yomim Tovim can
feel very lonely. Baruch Hashem, I have amazing support from my husband’s
kollel, but it’s not family. However, many couples don’t even have that; I am
very lucky.
“Financially, it is not easy. There
aren’t many job opportunities for Americans. Most of my friends work for
American companies remotely or have a gan (playgroup). Neither of them
are options for me. I have a home business which is another thing many do, but
doesn’t bring in enough on its own.
“My kids speak English, but the
older they get, the better their Hebrew gets and the worse their English. They
speak to each other in a mix but with more Hebrew. I don’t teach them to read
and write English now, but I want to work on it. I think it’s important.”
Basya and Chaim*
Basya lives in Lakewood now, but
she started off in Eretz Yisrael. She had a job in the United States which she
brought with her to Eretz Yisrael. The job agreed to let her continue working
there for six months, and that is how long they stayed.
Basya says, “One of the reasons I
wanted to live in Eretz Yisrael was because my sister lived there, and I wanted
to be close to her. I went to seminary in Eretz Yisrael but did not like it so
much. After seminary, I went to visit my sister in Eretz Yisrael and fell in
love with the country. It turned out that the things I didn’t like before had
to do with the seminary and not the country.”
She continues, “Managing
financially in Eretz Yisrael is about the same as in the United States.
Although the rent is higher, other things, like food, are less expensive. Also,
you can manage there without a car because the transportation system is so
good.
“One of the difficulties of having
an American job in Eretz Yisrael is that you sometimes are required to work
American hours, which is often evening and nighttime in Israel. Also, most of
the companies pay much less for the same work to people who work in Eretz
Yisrael. For example, a company might pay $30 to $45 per hour in the U.S. and
only $23 for a worker in Eretz Yisrael who is doing the same job.”
Chaim, Basya’s husband, was
learning in kollel in Eretz Yisrael. “Chaim loved learning in Eretz Yisrael,”
said Basya. “There are many more options to find a kollel or a yeshiva that
meets the needs of the individual than there are in the U.S.”
An advantage of being in the U.S.,
mentioned by several of the interviewees, is being close to family. Basya
became pregnant in Eretz Yisrael and had a difficult first trimester. “It is
particularly nice to be minutes from my parents’ house,” she says, “and I
wanted to give birth in the U.S.”
Esther and Dovid*
As opposed to the young couples
above, I asked a friend who moved to Eretz Yisrael as a young American couple
but are not so young or so American anymore. They came without any specific
plans about how long they would stay, and Esther claims that they still don’t
have any specific plans, but they have been living in Eretz Yisrael for 25
years. By now, their children are all Israeli, and they have acclimated and become
part of the Bnei Brak community. When I asked Esther what the differences are between
life in Eretz Yisrael and life in America, she said, “People in Eretz Yisrael
have much smaller houses than in America. Most people live in apartments, and because
large families live in small spaces, they have much less room to accumulate
stuff. People are influenced by those around them, and it is sort of contagious
– less room, less space, less stuff. Kids do not need that many toys or clothes
because their friends also don’t have that much.
“Children are also much more
independent here. Many families do not have cars and children can get from
place to place by bus or on foot. Older children walk younger children to
school or other places. There is a good bus system so managing without a car is
not difficult. In general, people are more focused on their purpose in this
world, and again, it is contagious. If people around you have spiritual goals,
it is easier to have those goals for yourself and your family.”
I asked Esther if the decision she
and her husband made 25 years ago was a good one, and she had no hesitation at
all. “Of course, I am happy we live here,” she said, “It is a mitzva.”
*
* *
Coincidentally, as I was speaking
to these families and writing this article, the Naava Kodesh organization came
to Baltimore to advise couples thinking about aliyah. I asked them to
comment on the topic. They focused on choosing a community in Israel,
explaining that there are many wonderful communities that couples can join –
from an existing Anglo community that is warm, caring, and full of
growth-oriented people, to a more Israeli integrated community, and even a new,
just-forming community that they can take part in building and contributing to
in a meaningful way.
Whatever opportunity a family
chooses, they are investing and sowing in holy soil, full of kedusha, ruchnius,
and Klal Yisrael’s future – not to mention that almost anywhere they
choose, they can start walking the streets as the Tanach becomes alive. “Couples
moving should keep in mind that the first place they move to may not be the
perfect choice for them, and that’s okay. It can take some time and research on
the ground to find the right fit.”
Naava Kodesh provides personalized
guidance for couples making aliyah, offering support in choosing
communities, navigating chinuch, and planning meaningful pilot trips.
For more information, contact: info@naavakodesh.org.
It was fascinating to hear about
people’s aliyah experiences and get some tips. I wish all newly married
couples hatzlacha in making a decision that works for them.
* Name changed.
