While bringing a scoop of ice cream home for a child is a treasured treat, it is pretty universally accepted that two scoops is even better. The same goes for bringing twins home from the hospital – even though parents of twins are often described as overwhelmed, drained, and just plain exhausted. Much is written and discussed about the parents of twins. Perhaps it is time to take a closer look at how the twins themselves feel, specifically, once they are teenagers. Although approximately three percent of the population is born only moments after an older sibling, identical twins are not as common. Less than half of one percent of people might as well be looking in a mirror when they look at their older sibling. As the younger members of two identical sets of twins, we felt it was important to quench the public’s curiosity and bring awareness to those who want the “double scoop” about twins.
People often ask us whether we like being a twin? Truthfully, the answer is yes – and no. Having a twin means that we always have a companion who is at the same stage of life. Therefore, we always have someone to talk with whom we can relate. It’s great! In general, twins know each well, and there is a lot to gain from having a twin, such as help with homework, notes, or friends. (Everyone needs a sidekick for life. We just won’t appreciate it if you ask us which one is the sidekick.) For example, just recently, I forgot to bring home the notes that I needed for an upcoming test. I looked through my bag 10 times, hoping I had missed them. Instead of feeling discouraged about the difficulty in getting a copy of the notes from a friend, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a nice set of notes on my twin’s bed. Since we have the same classes, we can rely on each other for notes. Also, if one of us doesn’t understand something in class, we can go over it together once we get home.
It’s common for people to only see and envy the good parts of being a twin, but, really, it’s because they don’t know the hard parts. We constantly have to put up with a wide variety of questions that people ask us. Everyone thinks that just because we are identical twins they can ask us any insensitive, personal question that comes into their heads, one that they wouldn’t ask anyone else.
People ask us, “Do you ever fight?” We do have fights, just like other siblings. Since we have the same needs and wear the same size clothes, there are even more occasions when a fight could erupt than between sisters who are a few years apart. For some reason, many people enjoy watching twins fight. Many times, our fights are more like teasing arguments, and we might be laughing at the same time.
Another question people ask us is “Do people mix you up?” We are very used to it, but every situation is different. Sometimes it can be funny, sometimes it’s annoying, and sometimes it’s awkward. On the day before our birthday last year, my twin happened to be coming late to school, so I brought things to decorate her locker as a surprise (which was really sweet of me, by the way). But since we look so similar, obviously, everyone thought that I was decorating my own locker for my birthday; I was so embarrassed.
“Can you read each other’s minds?” people ask. For some reason, everyone thinks twins are superheroes. They believe we have a superpower called “twin telepathy.” We are, in fact, only human and can’t read our twin’s mind. But, although we don’t have “twin telepathy,” we do generally think alike. While shopping, we will both spot a really odd dress, look at each other, and start laughing. Or, because we know each other so well, we can assume what the other is thinking.
Aside from thinking that we read each other’s minds, people ask, “Do you have a secret language?” Really, no one does, so why would twins have one, though it is cute to think that twins would. When we were younger, before we could talk, my twin and I were able to communicate with each other to play a game, etc. We understood each other, but no one else knew what we were saying. So maybe that counts as a “secret” language after all.
Perhaps most annoying is that twins are constantly grouped, or even treated, like one person, or worse, as half a person. Not surprisingly, like most people, we need our own space, our own friends, or simply our own fun. This can be more challenging when there is someone else who lives with you and looks just like you but might want or need different things. Being identical twins also brings a lot of comparisons and a pressure from others – and ourselves – to be better. People ask us who gets better grades on our tests and homework and who is the better dancer.
Usually, when twins are younger, they are just thought of as “so cute.” In general, younger twins are “double the fun” (and double the trouble). They happily follow each other around and even like wearing matching clothing. People forget that when identical twins go through their tween and teen years, it is especially hard for them to establish their own self-identity. While “finding one’s identity” is difficult for any teenager, for identical twins, it is doubly challenging as we each need to establish our own friends, personalities, and even thoughts!
Being that we are twins, we have gotten a lot of extra attention starting from when we were brought home from the hospital. Although the questions might be annoying at times, sometimes we enjoy the double-dose of attention. It’s a great conversation piece, if anyone is ever in need of a good topic. Throughout the years, during conversations, people often feel compelled to sprinkle in interesting facts about twins, and we get to hear all of their twin stories, too.
Another plus of being a twin is that, because our twin might see the same situation differently, we can give each other advice. Although it is sometimes annoying to have someone constantly correcting you, I know my twin will make sure that I won’t be embarrassed in a social setting. Technically, she is saving her identity as well because people might think that the person doing the embarrassing thing was her. I can always count on my blunt, honest twin to let me know if my pony is off, if I need to fix my shirt, or if my collar is turned up.
Although it is sometimes hard, we have come to realize that being an identical twin is where Hashem has placed us in our families. This, like any challenge, will ultimately help us become the best we can be. Through all of the hard parts, the awkward questions, the stare-downs, and the fact that people lump us together, we learn how to deal with each challenge and, in the end, we grow from them all. Plus, the fun parts and the “extras” help us get through the bumpier times – perhaps twice as smoothly than if we had not been together all along.
The writers are high school students of Mrs. Glazer.
