Dear Rebbetzin Katz, 

I realize that your goal is more than just getting a couple under the chupa but also making certain that the simcha between the chassan and kalla is a lasting one. My husband and I find ourselves dealing with some issues regarding my son and his kalla that give us reason to worry about that outcome.

Some background: Our kids have all chosen different paths along the “derech” – some to the right, some to the left – and their spouses reflect those choices. As a result, their desires and needs before and after their weddings have varied widely. We tried to be even-handed with our children, setting aside money over the years to help them achieve their goals: getting through yeshiva, undergraduate, and sometimes post-graduate educations. We have made weddings and helped them get a start in their married lives. The amounts for each child were roughly equivalent, but the way it was spent has been different. For instance, one kalla is a baalas teshuva who wasn’t into jewelry, and she chose other things instead of the usual kalla gifts. We paid for another son who chose to go to graduate school and have a very minimalist wedding, while his more yeshivish brother, who is now the chassan, went to Eretz Yisrael to learn post-high school (which wasn’t for free).

Avrohom Reuvein ben Shimon Yitzchok, a”h

Considering the recent N’shei event honoring some of our devoted heads of gemachim, I thought this would be opportune time to express long overdue thanks to Mrs. Miryom Edelson, of the Share-a-Ride Gemach, and to the kind drivers who assisted us this past Hoshana Rabba. I hope that this letter will also serve to encourage others to participate in this relatively easy and worthy chesed. This would surely be a zechus l’iluy nishmas Avrohom Reuvein ben Shimon Yitzchok, my brother, who benefited from this wonderful gemach, bringing joy to his last Simchas Torah, as you will see.

As soon as I ask Sari, “Did you daven yet?” I know I goofed. Just a minute ago, I peeked into the living room and spied her spinning on the glider, perusing a magazine. Why did I think she’d been davening? Because she told me she was going to. Okay, but knowing Sari as I do, I should have realized. My third grader does not like davening. Not in school and not at home.

This doesn’t faze me. I recall a shiur I once heard by Rabbi Shimshon Pincus. A parent asked him, “What’s wrong with my child? He doesn’t enjoy davening.” To which Rav Pincus, in his classic style, answered. “He’s a little kid. There would be something wrong with him if he did enjoy it.” So, I’m not worried about Sari; I’m sure her tefila will come with time. I try to gently encourage her to open her siddur on Shabbos and Sunday, when she’s home from school, and I don’t sense any resentment on her part. It’s just that she won’t initiate davening on her own, and when she has a chance, she’ll try to wiggle out of it – like the way she’s trying now.

The desire to be included is universal, a feeling that everyone can relate to. From elementary school through retirement, people brighten at the opportunity to contribute to conversations, problem solving, and projects. But it is teenagers – with their budding individuality and preoccupation with social acceptance – who may have the hardest time having their voices heard and hearing the voices of others. How wonderful it would be for all teens to be able to meet their peers in the community in a safe, nonjudgmental place – and if all of them could work together on a common project.

This was the idea behind Teen Sketch, a program held this spring, in which teens worked together to create gorgeous murals that will soon enhance the walls of the JCC and the Pearlstone Center. Two programs were held, one at the JCC and one at Pearlstone, and each group met twice. The project was very successful not only in the beautiful work of art that emerged from it but also in giving the teens of various talents and abilities a chance contribute and shine, each in their own way.

Ice pops, fireflies, watermelon juice running down your chin. Summer is a magical time. Fortunately, no “abracadabra” is needed to pull magical memories out of thin – or heavy, humid – air, as the case may be, but some planning is in order to make the most of your time. Although the season is ripe with opportunities to spend quality time as a family, there is an undeniable correlation between the rising temperatures and parents’ rising uncertainty as to what exactly to do with their children.

Everyone has her own way of categorizing their summer activities. Some distinguish between free ones and those that cost money, while others differentiate between those that are indoors versus out. I don’t know about other mothers, but I divide my summer activities into those with accessible bathrooms and those without. I avoid the latter at all costs. That said, here are some places to go and things to do this summer that are fun for the whole family.

Kriah – Hebrew reading – is not like riding a bike. It is not so easy to just hop on the “kriah bike” after summer vacation and regain the balance and control that were previously there. Rather, a very common outcome of a kriah-free summer is choppy and inaccurate kriah come September. What can parents do to help keep their child’s kriah skills honed and ready to take off when the new school year begins?

As you have probably suspected, there is no magical new method. Rather, the answer is the tried and true technique of consistent practice. A few minutes of practice a day can make a considerable difference in the retention of the kriah skills learned during the previous school year. To be effective, though, parents should keep two things in mind:

The effect of positive reinforcement cannot be underestimated. Many a parent anxiously scans the comments box on their child’s report card, hoping (sometimes praying!) for a positive comment. Fortunately, creative measures are usually taken to write something positive, even for a child who exhibits negative behavior in the classroom, like driving the teacher crazy. For example, the teacher might write, “Shimon is an energetic child. His enthusiasm for learning rubs off on those around him. He inspires the class to participate in activities that go beyond the curriculum.” (Feel free to read between the lines.) But regardless of how a person behaves, the acknowledgement of achievement and growth serves as a catalyst to strive for more.

To the Shadchan:

Recently, we got a yes from a boy, so we started looking into it. Three days later, we told the shadchan that we were interested but were told that the boy was busy at the moment. That was frustrating, but we moved on. A couple weeks later we got another yes. This time, we did our research in two days, because we didn’t want a repeat of last time. We said yes and were then told by the shadchan that the boy was very busy at work but will be in touch. Two weeks later, I hadn’t heard anything, so I reached out to the shadchan again. We were told that he was very interested but was still busy with work. Also, he is from New York, so there was not so much travel involved, and I was willing to meet halfway. It has now been almost four weeks, and we haven’t heard anything from him. We are very frustrated. Any advice?

Nu, asked a friend, you have written about some interesting topics. How about writing about happiness?

What makes a person happy varies from one person to another. There are volumes written about the topic, but it is interesting to look in our “own backyard,” so to speak. With that in mind, whom do you ask what makes them happy? Friends and mishpacha (family) – who else? If you ask the “man in the street,” his response might be “to have you stop asking questions!”

Since the idea of writing about happiness began early in the morning, I went to shul and asked Reb Arnold Shear, another early morning shul goer about happiness. Incidentally, Arnold and I attend the fabulous shiur presented by my son-in-law Shlomo Horwitz. (No ad intended.)

The Holy Land beckons us as a nation, and many people answer the call by making aliyah. In this series, I have profiled many Baltimore families and singles who have made aliyah. While it is typically thought of as a project for young adults, for some, the right aliyah choice is to wait until the Golden Years. Whether their motivation is to realize a long-deferred dream or simply to live near their children, these olim join the growing number of American retirees happily settled in Israel.
Older adults do not have to worry about things like jobs and children’s adjustment and schooling, but they may wonder whether they are welcome and if there are enough resources. In interviewing for this article, I found that this is not a problem. In addition to a plethora of social, learning, and chesed opportunities, there are government programs and benefits that satisfy senior needs. Medical care is a prime concern, and it is reassuring to know that every Israeli citizen is eligible for coverage regardless of pre-existing conditions.