Last month, I presented my questions and anxiety about my pending retirement, and I introduced the idea of an interactive retirement column. I asked readers to respond with their stories, questions, and ideas, and I thank all those who submitted responses. It is heartening to know that I am not alone and that many of you have been pondering the same questions. Although the letters below do not solve all my quandaries, I know that some Where What When readers will truly benefit from these thoughtful and admirable people.

I have broken the responses into topics for easier perusing.

Request for Help

Dear Rochelle,

When I retired, I became a ride coordinator and driver for Bikur Cholim. I met a lot of people and felt like I was doing something important. After Covid, I became the person running the entire program. I enjoy helping people, but as my driver pool dwindles, I am short on drivers. Now the job is difficult because I have to tell many people who need help that I can’t help them. It would be very beneficial to recruit new drivers. New retirees are perfect for this job. It is as easy as giving one hour a week, if possible. I’d be happy to have people sign up, even if they can only do one ride a month. I have drivers who have told me they have met so many nice people. If you can help, please call me at 443-474-0093.

Bonnie Horowitz

People often ask me, “Are shidduchim harder now? Was it easier to make a shidduch 10 years ago? 20 years ago? 30 years ago? 40 years ago?” (I guess when they look at this Bubby, they realize that I’ve been doing this for a very long time.) I, too, sometimes wonder, was it easier back then? Has anything really changed? And most importantly, why am I still doing this?

While some things have definitely changed, the basic challenges remain the same. Here’s a short list of the biggest changes that I have seen in the past decades:

·         There were no resumes.

·         There were no pictures.

·         The boy actually called the girl to set up the first date (what a concept!).

·         Couples often met at Shabbos tables – accidentally-on-purpose.

The biggest constant is that the need for shidduchim is still as great as ever, and with our ever-growing population, baruch Hashem, may be even greater. But not enough people feel they have the time, energy, or, let’s be honest, the patience to be a shadchan. I firmly believe that everyone can be a shadchan – and should be. The worst that can happen is that someone says “no thank you” to your suggestion. (This happens to “real” shadchanim every single day and often without a “thank you!”)

So, why am I still doing this? Well, truth be told, I am slowing down. But every time I say to my husband, “I’m done! I just can’t do this anymore,” a shidduch goes through, and it’s like Hashem is whispering in my ear, “You can’t stop yet!”

And let me tell you, there are days when I’m ready to pull my hair out, but then I let my mind wander to the happy couples I bump into at school or at Seven Mile Market. But what really keeps me going are the funny stories – the crazy hashgacha pratis moments. Let me share a few with you from many decades ago.

Editor’s note: Welcome to the second installment of our new column, “Dating Perspectives.” The column will feature various shadchanim writing about any aspect of shidduchim that they feel strongly about. We also invite others to write – whether parents, singles, rebbeim, or teachers. If you have an opinion or a story – here’s your chance to get it out there. Contact us at adswww@aol.com.

Just this week, a good friend and fellow shadchan was bemoaning the fact that people do not consider paying shadchanus important and that something needs to be done about it. She then shared with me that The Shidduch Center of Baltimore was actually in the midst of addressing this very issue and would be publishing guidelines for the community soon. Honestly, I have always had mixed feelings about this. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel that a shadchan should be paid for his or her services, but I have had many different experiences with this over the last 40 years of people being incredibly, embarrassingly generous and those who simply forgot or didn’t think they had any reason to pay me.

“Your pantry saved me during such a difficult time…”

“Saying thank you is not enough…”

“Mi ke’amcha Yisrael…”

“I have no words…”

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Bikur Cholim of Baltimore has earned a reputation for providing numerous essential resources and constant support to the cholim (sick) of Baltimore. One of the organization’s most utilized services is the Bikur Cholim Hospitality Rooms found in multiple local hospitals. These pantries provide a wide variety of kosher food, free-of-charge, to families as they tend to their loved ones.

Recently, Karen Katz found herself in a hospital with a family member who needed medical attention. Unable to go home, she made her way to Bikur Cholim’s Hospitality Room and found a comfortable room that provided food, reading material, and, most of all, a place to relax and reenergize. With the desire to publicize this service, Karen approached me to write an article about Bikur Cholim’s Hospitality Rooms. As a Bikur Cholim volunteer myself, I thought writing this article would be a piece of cake. But as I began to research, I was overwhelmed by the magnitude of chesed Bikur Cholim of Baltimore does every day via its Hospitality Rooms. Moreover, I was astounded by the sheer number of volunteers and donors who keep the pantries running and fully stocked 24/7.