One of my grandchildren’s favorite books is the Little Engine that Could by Watty Piper. It is a story about a group of toys that need to have their train pulled over the mountain to reach “the good little boys and girls on the other side.” Most of the engines they ask refuse to help, until a little engine comes along and does the job while saying, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….”
Internal and External Motivation
My son Shloime, who is a therapist,
shared something about motivation that connects with the month of Elul and Rosh
Hashanah. Growing up in yeshiva, he remembers that many of the speeches he
heard were rooted in what psychologists call extrinsic motivation. That’s the
kind of motivation that comes from desire for reward, fear of punishment, or concern
about being judged and what G-d thinks of you.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
For a lot of people, that awareness of being seen is exactly what wakes them up
and pulls them toward doing better. Fear is an essential tool for improving
human behavior.
But there’s another kind of
motivation, intrinsic motivation, where the doing itself is the reward. A
person who learns Torah because the learning itself lights up something in them
or someone who does a mitzvah because it feels like an extension of who they
are is intrinsically motivated. Nothing outside the act needs to happen for
them to want to keep doing it.
Shloime points out that the same
mitzvah can come from either place. Two people can do the identical thing, one
out of fear of the din, wanting to come out clean, the other out of a
sense of love and connection with Hashem that simply wants to express itself.
In fact, it is often a mixture of both.
Both fear and love are an essential
part of a healthy relationship with Hashem. Neither is wrong, but a speech
built to reach one kind of person won’t necessarily reach the other. Fear can
feel oppressive to someone who’s intrinsically wired, and love can feel vague
or ungrounded to someone who needs the stakes spelled out.
Shloime is careful to say that both
approaches are important and essential at different times and for different
people. However, it is fundamental to know which kind of person you are so that
you can find your way into an Elul that actually reaches you and is healthy for
your system.
What do you think about the Little
Engine that could? Was he internally motivated or externally motivated? I think
he was internally motivated by the pleasure of helping the little engine and
bringing toys and food to all the children on the other side of the mountain.
It seems that some people are could
people; they work better when they choose to do something. Others are should
people; they work better when they have external motivation. Since the name of
the book is The Little Engine that Could, it is obvious that the Little
Engine was a could engine. He did a kind act because he wanted to act kindly
not because he should be kind.
Changing Habits
Changing a habit is not easy. People
have always struggled with it. In the sefer Mishnah Torah written by the
Rambam in the 1200s, he talks about how important it is not to go to extremes
in behavior. The right path is the one that is equidistant from both extremes. And
the way to reach that level is to practice. Once a person has accomplished the
in-between way a few times it will become a habit. For instance, a post-seminary
student said she learned in seminary to train herself to do good things by
rewarding herself. For example, she made a private chart and rewarded herself
for doing a certain thing for 30 days.
Contests and Competitions
Society has invented all kinds of
incentives to help people succeed, starting from a young age. Very little
children can be challenged to do a mitzvah by appealing to their ego. How
exciting it is to hear Morah read aloud the mitzvah that she did. The little
child feels very proud and checks to see if everyone heard about his great
deed.
My 10-year-old grandson Avraham
told me about a contest at school. The boys get raffle tickets for davening and
learning, and every day a winner is chosen from the day’s raffle. The prize is
a can of soda. This works as an incentive for kids and makes school exciting.
A girl visiting from Eretz Yisrael
described how her school has a raffle for saying amen to each other’s brachos
in the morning. Each pair of girls earns raffle tickets for great prizes. Is
the incentive the opportunity to say amen or the prizes if you win the raffle?
Spiritual Challenges
Judaism is based on spiritual
challenges. Some only take a minute, and some take many years. Some are between
the person and G-d, and some affect others as well. Some are for children and
some are for adults.
One of the longest sustained
challenges in today is the seven-and-a-half-year Daf Yomi cycle, in which Jews
around the world learn the same daf of Shas every day, completing all
2,711 pages of Shas all together.
My son Chaim is working toward
completing the Daf Yomi cycle for the first time. He describes it as “a
spiritual challenge where you are really only competing against yourself.” He
said, “It’s a challenge to find 40 to 50 minutes every day to learn the daf,
no matter what else is going on in your life. But there is tremendous
satisfaction in keeping up and doing something spiritual every day. There are
only nine months left in the current cycle, and I’m looking forward to
hopefully completing it.”
Chaim continues, “I’ve attended the
Siyum HaShas at MetLife Stadium twice but always as an observer, never a
participant. Last time, I bought cheap tickets way up in the nosebleed section.
At one point, they asked everyone who had completed the entire Daf Yomi cycle
to stand so they could be recognized. I looked around and noticed that almost
no one in my section stood up. I figured that if you had just spent seven-and-a-half
years working toward a goal, you probably weren’t buying the cheapest seats in
the stadium. This time, I hope to buy better seats, and I expect a lot more
people around me will be standing.”
Whenever I write an article, I ask
many of the people I meet about the topic. I went into the Saving Center and
met Reuven Rooshanshad. He looked very tired and told me that it is because he
gets up at 5:00 in the morning for selichos and his Daf Yomi shiur. What
a tremendous effort that must take! Daf Yomi is something even people who
work all day can accomplish.
I noticed a different kind of
contest in an ad in the Ami magazine. This contest is called the Elul
V.O.V. challenge. VOV is the name of an organization that promotes “values over
valuables.” They encourage people to make pledges to improve their
spirituality. Some of the pledges were listed in the ad: “When we renovate our
house, we are going to focus on our needs, not on impressing our neighbors” and
“This year our gifts will be thoughtful, not showy.”
And of course, this time of the
year is all about challenging oneself to do better. I noticed a person who says
the bracha Asher Yatzar loudly and slowly every time he uses the
bathroom. I was very impressed, and when I commented about it, he said this is
a kabbalah he took on when looking for a yeshua in a certain
area.
Baltimore is lucky to have a
program called Mitzvah Motivators. This program, which has been around for more
than 25 years, is run by staff at O’Fishel Caterers. Any age can participate –
up to age 119. Fishel says that one of the participants is in her 90s. There
are various requirements to join, and local vendors give out prizes to those
who participate. Over the years, thousands of families have taken part in the Mitzvah
Motivators program. The summer program is just ending now. Look out for
information about upcoming programs. Flyers are distributed in shuls and local
businesses and are available on our website, mitzvahmo.com.
Physical Contests
In addition to challenges in the
spiritual realm, people have invented physical contests as well. A good friend
of mine, Adina Michelsohn, is very excited about a walking challenge
she has just joined called the 10K Step Challenge. It was
developed by Mendel Krashunsky, founder of the Frum Health Club, a
worldwide movement pushing Yidden to finally take their health
seriously.
Participants walk 10,000
steps every day for 30 days, excluding Shabbos and Yom
Tov. They can communicate through a special WhatsApp group where they post
their results and cheer each other on. Even though Adina is not motivated
by the raffle prizes, somehow, being part of a group
challenge motivates her. She says, “I used to have a three-day-per-week walking
goal but rarely met it. Now, I’m doing that and more. I find being part of
a challenge with other women really motivates me. I love it.” It seems that
Adina is externally motivated.
Although I walk regularly, I have
never used a walking challenge to motivate me. I guess that means I
am internally motivated. Adina showed me an app on my phone
that counts the number of steps I walk each day. That number is nowhere
near what Adina’s walking challenge requires. On a recent hot and
humid Friday, Adina went to the Quarry after work to
complete her 10,000 steps. “Would I go out in this heat on a Friday
afternoon to walk for an hour if the challenge did not require it?” Adina remarked.
Even organizations create contests.
I went swimming at the JCC and picked up a card with their Chai Challenge. This
contest challenges people to exercise more. There are 16 boxes to check off
with physical activities that the participant did during the month of August.
If you check all 16 boxes, you can win a grand prize, Interestingly, the prizes
themselves are for more physical exercise. For instance, one prize is six 30-minute
private swim lessons.
Probably most of us are both
internally and externally motivated. It depends on the time of day, the time of
life, and what the challenge is. The important thing is to know yourself and choose
the motivation that works for you!
We can all be like the Little Engine that Could
and say, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….” We might be surprised
at what we can accomplish.
I want to thank Adina who gave me
the idea for this article, my sons who shared their life experiences with me,
and all the other people who gave me their input.
