It’s that time of the year again: A new school year! A new beginning!
As days begin to shorten and the
weather turns cool and refreshing, everyone involved in our schools looks
forward to the new year. Yet along with the excitement, there may be a bit of
anxiety. Parents pray that their child will be happy and successful. Children
worry about their teachers and friends. But they are not the only ones. Teachers,
too, may be nervous. One teacher, describing her anticipation of the first day
of school, said, “I prepare myself for the responsibility of 22 or more precious
children who will be in my care – prepare myself to love them, understand
them, respect them and help them grow. I want to give them my all; they are my responsibility.
They are the children of Hashem, and they are depending on me.”
As the first day of school gets
closer, the anticipation grows and preparations begin. I spoke to some teachers
and asked them what a parent can do to help their child succeed in school.
Parents: It’s Up to You
Parents are very influential in
generating enthusiasm. With boys, especially, so much of a boy’s connection to
Judaism rides on his connection to learning and his relationship with his rebbi.
Yet boys sometimes hear things about a certain rebbi that make it harder for
him to be excited about the upcoming year. One rebbe of elementary age boys
said, “Get the child excited for the school year and his rebbe/teacher.
Often children have a certain preconceived notion about a rebbe or teacher,
especially in the early months of the year, which can hinder them from
accepting what the rebbe has to offer. Let the child go in without assumptions,
and excited to learn from his rebbe/teacher.”
The more they can instill in their
sons the idea that learning in this school and with this rebbe is an amazing
opportunity, the better. There are different ways to do this, but overall, the
child follows the attitude of the parents. If they hear their parents complain
about the rebbe, school, or menahel, they will absorb that sentiment.
Stay positive!
An elementary teacher of girls
said, “Make your child feel like the first day of school is a very important
day. Just as you get dressed up for Shabbos and wear special clothing, the same
should be for the first day of school. Even with uniforms, you can still get a
pretty hair accessory or a fancy pair of socks. I always notice what the girls
are wearing and comment about how cute they look.”
The School Supplies Bugaboo
For parents, one of the most
stressful parts of getting ready for school is buying the long list of school
supplies – multiplied by several children. A parent might think that it is not
important to follow the list carefully, but teachers disagree. Most rebbeim and
teachers are exact about what they want each talmid to have on the first
day. One teacher said, “Sometimes a child will come to school without any of
the supplies that were requested, and sometimes a girl will come in with worn
folders or a torn backpack. Obviously, some parents do not have the time,
energy, or money to buy new school supplies for their children. If that
happens, I have a closet full of supplies I can give the child. After all, a
first grader cannot be held responsible for school supplies. But I think it is
important for parents to prepare the child with nice school supplies to
reinforce the idea that school is important and that his or her parents are
excited too.”
Another teacher commented, “Parents
don’t understand the big emphasis on school supplies on the first day of
school. Imagine how your child will feel when the teacher says, ‘Everyone take
out your red folder,’ and she has only blue and yellow ones.” To make it easier
for teachers in the younger grades, she also suggested that parents unwrap and
open school supplies and put the items in a Ziplock bag.
Where What When columnist Rabbi Akiva Sutofsky, a
school counselor in Pittsburg and author of the book Parenting with a Plan, had
a lot to say about school supplies and made some suggestions for different ways
of doing things.
“There’s definitely an element of
kids simply enjoying having new school supplies. Every child likes coming into
a new school year with fresh notebooks, folders, pencils, and supplies they
picked out themselves, and I think that’s perfectly healthy. At the same time,
if it’s left entirely up to the children – if parents simply buy whatever they
want because they’re financially able to – it can unintentionally create a have
and have-not situation. Children naturally compare, and those who don’t have
the newest or nicest things may feel pressure to keep up.
“School supplies themselves are
usually not the biggest issue. The cost of one notebook or one pack of
loose-leaf paper versus another isn’t all that dramatic. Where I see more
social pressure is with things like backpacks and other accessories, which can
cost hundreds of dollars. Many kids even refuse to use a perfectly good
backpack from the previous year simply because it’s no longer new.
“One thing that works well is
schools taking over much of the process. Families pay a school supply fee, the
school purchases the supplies, and each child receives essentially the same
materials – with perhaps two or three personal items of their choice. I’ve also
seen schools partner with school supply companies; parents simply order through
a website and receive exactly what the school requires. I think that removes a
tremendous amount of pressure from both parents and students.
“It would also help if schools took
a realistic look at their supply lists. Sometimes they are much longer than
they need to be, and families end up buying many things that children barely
use. Keeping the lists practical and streamlined benefits everyone. On the
parental side, I don’t think it’s important to spend a lot of money on school
supplies. The excitement of having brand-new, fancy supplies is real, but in my
experience, it fades very quickly – usually within the first week or two of
school. The more important issue is how we educate our children about these
decisions. The conversation should not be happening while you’re standing in
the school supply aisle at Walmart or Target. By then, emotions are already
high, and it’s not the ideal time to introduce limits or explain why you’re not
buying everything they want. That can easily turn into an unnecessary battle.
“Instead, those expectations should
be part of the culture of the home long before shopping begins. Children should
understand how their family approaches spending, priorities, and gratitude. At
the same time, I think it’s helpful to give them some ownership by letting them
choose a few items they really like within reasonable limits. Overall, I don’t
think parents need to spend a lot of money on school supplies. I’d much rather
see schools simplify the process and reduce unnecessary comparisons.”
How Many Tissues?!
“When my children were little, it
always annoyed me that the school was asking for three boxes of tissues on the
school supply list,” one teacher said. “I thought to myself, why should I be
supplying the school with tissues? Now that I am a teacher, I see that we
really need tissues. There is allergy season and cold season, and no tissues go
to waste! You don’t have to send all three boxes at the beginning of the year.
I can ask you for them later in the year when we are running out.”
Don’t Forget the Basics
With the transition from a lazy
summer schedule to an early-bird one, teachers often notice some very tired
children for the first few days of school. While it is unrealistic to worry
about the school schedule the whole summer, parents should try to prepare a few
days before school starts.
All the teachers spoke about food. “Do
whatever you can to get your child to eat lunch,” said one of them. “If not, it
becomes very challenging for them to learn in the afternoon. And when
they come home, they’ll be very hungry. I know it’s not easy; kids
these days are pickier than ever. Be creative!
“The summer is a great time to plan
lunches. Ask your child for three choices of lunches they will eat and then
make those lunches. Of course, that is not a guarantee either, because children
are not very reliable, but at least you have a fighting chance that the food
will be eaten.
“There is no point in sending him to
school with food that ends up in the garbage can. I encourage the children to
bring home the food they are not eating so their parents can see it, but it
often ends up in the garbage anyway.
“Make sure your children eat something in the
morning. Every minute sitting in class seems like an hour when a child is
hungry. Some children do not like to eat in the morning but maybe they can have
a glass of orange juice or something else small.”
Sometimes children have eating
restrictions for health reasons. One teacher spoke about a student who had many
food allergies, but her mother was on top of the situation, which made it more
manageable. “I sat the student close to my desk so I could keep an eye on her,”
she said. “Her mother sent in a huge jar of snacks that the child could eat;
whenever I gave out a treat, the girl would go get a special treat from her
jar. It worked out well and the student survived the year happily.”
If you know that your child is
going to need extra help to keep up with schoolwork, try to arrange that before
school starts, so that your child will know what to expect. It is great if they
can be acquainted with the tutor ahead of time. Offering prizes or bribes for
cooperation sometimes makes everything go more smoothly. At the same time, one
parent told me that she values the summer break. She advises that children only
do the parts of the summer homework that are relevant to them. “Children need
non-pressured time and relaxation.”
Middle School and High School
Mrs. L, a middle and high school teacher,
feels that the summer is a great time for students to do things they don’t have
time for during the school year, like helping their mothers, and visiting,
calling, and writing letters to grandparents. If a student goes to camp, she
gets to reinforce all the things she learned in school. Mrs. L hopes that her
students do not throw away all the things they learned during the year and
remember to daven in the summer. If a student has a great summer, it brings
them into the new school year with confidence, ready and enthusiastic to learn.
Mrs. S, a ninth-grade teacher, says
the best way for parents to prepare their children for school is to show them
that they think school and the subjects their children are learning are
important. Instead of testing her students on the material they learn, Mrs. S
has the girls write a short essay about something they learned and had shared
with their parents. When parents listen with interest to what their child says,
they show the child that what they are learning has value.
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I want to thank all the teachers
who took the time to speak to me or to answer my questions in writing. It is
always a thrill to hear each person’s thoughts.
