What is the right age for starting school? My birthday is in June, and I started first grade when I had just turned five. That is because my mother was teaching kindergarten and did not want me in her class. I remember the principal carrying me kicking and screaming to the first-grade classroom. I was a good student, but I was shy and did not have many friends. Maybe it would have been better for me to start first grade at six? Who knows? One thing I can say is that now, many years later, it doesn’t matter at all.
This is a topic of interest to
everyone with a child whose birthday is close to the deadline. Every child is
different, of course, and what works for one may not work for another, but for
those on the border, is it generally better for them to be the oldest or the
youngest in the class?
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* *
No one knows what a five-year-old child
is going to be like when he is 13. Some children mature earlier than others. A
teacher in a local boy’s school explained that the level of learning in the
later grades of elementary school is much higher than it was 30 years ago. Some
boys, when they reach eighth grade do not belong in elementary school anymore,
and some boys can barely keep up. There is no one correct answer. Nevertheless,
parents and schools have to decide and hope for the best.
A high school teacher at TA
believes that age does make a difference. She said she sees a huge difference
in the maturity of the boys as they go through high school. Ninth and 10th
graders are often only interested in having fun, while 11th and 12th
graders are much more mature and are focused on their studies and plans for the
future.
Rivka, a mother whose children are
grown up, remembered what happened when her daughter was young. Her birthday
was just past the deadline for first grade. At that time rules were very
strict, and the child had to repeat kindergarten. “By the time she was finally
in first grade, she had taught herself to read and was bored to tears,” said
Rivka. “When a student knows everything the teacher is teaching, it doesn’t
lead to good behavior.” Of course, this
daughter is now marrying off her children, and the situation is all in the
past, but Rivka still thinks it was a mistake.
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* *
We all know that things change over
the decades. We are all affected by the culture around us. Mrs. Fleurli Muller,
the director of the preschool at Torah Institute, is passionate about this
subject and has a definite opinion about it.
TI’s deadline is August 30. Mrs.
Muller notices a big difference between the children entering kindergarten who
turned four just before the August 30 deadline and the ones closer to five. “Today,
many parents are willing to hold their children back and have them be the
oldest in the class rather than the youngest. Unlike many years ago, parents
are not afraid to do that, and their children can be more successful in school
when they are older. Transition from preschool to first grade can be hard, with
playtime gone, longer days, and a big part of day spent sitting and
learning as academics takes center stage. The more mature the child, the more
likely he is to be successful.”
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* *
According to Rabbi Hillel Hexter,
the Lower School Menahel of TA, school readiness is about much more than
academic ability. Maturity, independence, attention, and social development all
play a role. This is especially important in our yeshiva system, where children
have a dual curriculum, long school days, and significant expectations.
“When in doubt give a child another
year,” he said. “At four or five years old, we don’t yet know a child’s full development
or learning trajectory, and some things may only become apparent later. As a
rule, I would rather give a child the gift of time. There can be far more
regret from pushing a child ahead than from giving him an additional year to
grow.”
Rabbi Hexter explains that when mechanchim
try to understand why a child is having difficulty in a particular area, age is
one of the factors they consider. Sometimes, they find that the child is among
the younger boys in the class. “That certainly doesn’t mean age is the cause,
he said, “but developmental differences of even a few months can be meaningful,
particularly in the younger grades. An additional year can often give a child
an advantage academically, socially, and emotionally. In the early years, that
extra maturity can be particularly helpful with foundational skills such as
reading. The same is true later, when boys begin learning mishnayos and Gemara,
where more advanced critical thinking skills become increasingly important.”
Although parents sometimes worry
that an older child will not be challenged, Rabbi Hexter states that the rebbeim
and teachers are trained to provide enrichment and additional challenges when
appropriate. “There is something very positive about a boy experiencing success
with his grade-level work while also being challenged through enrichment,” said
Rabbi Hexter. It can help build confidence and a positive view of himself as a
learner. As boys reach mesivta and beyond, these age differences become
much less significant. They increasingly find the chavrusas, shiurim,
peer groups, and yeshivos that fit who they are and match their she’ifos.”
*
* *
Rabbi Yitzchok Sanders, the
principal of the lower elementary of Bais Yaakov, is committed to helping
children begin their schooling at the appropriate age. Ultimately, when people
reflect on their childhood’s early years, they remember more how they felt, not
so much about how much they learned. He commented, “There is a difference
between chinuch (induction into a lifelong task; see Rashi in Lech Lecha
14:14) and chochma (wisdom).
A child may have a lot of chochma,
but a decision must be made about what is the best chinuch or initiation
for him/her.” He emphasized that intelligence may not necessarily be a function
of age. The wisest of all men was Shlomo Hamelech, and he was gifted by
Hashem with chochma at the age of 13. Betzalel was also 13 when he
implemented and constructed Hashem’s plan for the Mishkan. Emotional
maturity, however, may have more to do with age and the organic
development of a child’s personality and how they feel about their school
experience.
A child can be assessed to see if
he/she has the knowledge to enter a particular grade level, but there is no
tool to consistently measure emotional maturity. A child may do well
scholastically but struggle during recess when playing with children 10 or 12
months older. Lack of self-confidence or social awareness might not be detected
until later on, when a child is in third or fourth grade.
Bais Yaakov follows
the Maryland State Code, which requires the child to be five by September
1 to enroll in kindergarten or six to enter first grade. Of course, many
children have birthdays right before or after that arbitrary date, and these
are the children we are writing about. No one has a crystal ball to peer into
the future to predict what the future may bring.
In many instances, parents may say,
“Accelerate my daughter, and if it doesn’t work out, we’ll have her repeat
kindergarten.” But repeating grades is not simple; even a kindergartner is
embarrassed to repeat a grade. This is especially so when other children ask
the child why he/she is not in first grade. Ultimately, these eligibility dates
are firm and the norm for the bulk of students with little room for exceptions.
Rabbi Sanders thinks that the
solution lies with ongoing candid communication and collaboration between the
parents and the school to determine the best course of action for each
individual child. “Of course, school and home may have different perspectives,
but we must listen to each other and together formulate a plan,” he concluded.
*
* *
Ahuvah Heyman, School Director of
Bnos Yisrael, said, “August 31 is the deadline for all classes. You need
to be three to enter junior nursery, four to enter senior nursery, and five to
enter kindergarten, etc. We rarely make exceptions to this policy, as it is not
helpful to students. While every child is a world of her own, some summer
babies are not yet ready for the classroom, and parents are encouraged to
understand their child and decide based on many factors, including their child’s
energy level, ability to sustain attention, social needs, etc. No single rule
works for every summer baby, but many children have an easier time as the
oldest in the class rather than the youngest.
“If a child struggles in the four-year-old
program but is making steady progress, we will advance her to the five-year-old
program and keep a close eye on her to see whether another year of preschool
would be beneficial. Parents should be honest about their child so schools can
be true partners in enabling success for every child. As always, all policies
should be applied with seichel, and the parent-school partnership should
be open and effective.”
*
* *
Age makes a difference even when
children are very young. A playgroup morah of two- and three-year-old
children noticed that, as the children get closer to three, they understand
directions much better. Instead of fighting over a toy, they realize that it is
worthwhile waiting for their turn. When given a choice, they are able to choose
what makes most sense rather than just crying.
Believe it or not, this is a
subject that even children have an opinion about. I drove Orah, an elementary
school student, to an appointment. I asked her what she thought about this
subject. Orah said that the most popular girl in her class is the oldest one.
She is already 10 while all the other students in the class are nine. The kids
even tease her and say she can sign their homework because the teacher said it
must be signed by an older person. I was surprised that kids know the ages of
their classmates, but Orah assured me that they all know because they have been
together since nursery.
Tova agreed with Orah. “Children
are very observant. They notice when a child in their class is older than everyone
else. Tova’s daughter was held back a year because she was not up to par
scholastically, and the girls in her class bullied her. Tova thinks it was
because her daughter was more mature than the other girls, and they sensed the
difference.
The decision about when to start school is made when the child is young: four, five, or six, yet the ramifications can be felt all through their school journey. As you can see, this article does not come to any conclusion, because the bottom line is there is no blanket rule. Each family, with the help of the school, must make its own decision; hopefully it will be the right one. Sometimes many years pass before knowing whether the right decision was made. Wishing all the families in our community the wisdom to make the best decision for their childre
