Question: Recently,
my wife was very badly hurt in a car accident. Hatzalah was called, and she was
rushed to the hospital. It was very scary to see here lying there helpless and
bleeding. She was in Shock Trauma for about a week. I was not able to be
with her because of the virus situation, although I was in touch over the
phone.
Ironically, my wife is much better,
but I find that I am not feeling so well myself. I have trouble sleeping at
night, meaning I fall asleep, but I wake up in the middle of the night feeling
very stressed out and can’t fall back asleep. I am also much more sensitive
during the day, and my tears are very close to the surface. I think I am
suffering from the trauma that I experienced through my wife’s accident. I
don’t want to go to a therapist. Can you suggest any techniques I could use to
help myself recover from this ordeal?
Answer: Wow! That
sounds like an intense situation. I am struck by an important detail in your
question: the fact that you weren’t able to join your wife for that week in
Shock Trauma. I’m wondering if that is one of the primary factors causing
your symptoms. It sounds like all the anxiety and stress from the accident had
nowhere to go and continued to build up in you while you worried about your
wife.
Our bodies are designed with several
different settings, or modes, of physiological arousal. When there is a crisis,
our energy revs up to respond to the crisis appropriately. Unfortunately,
when we are not able to respond and seek safety for ourselves or our loved one,
the energy has nowhere to go. This can create a perpetual state of trauma,
where you may be plagued by a feeling of tension and high physiological
arousal. It can feel like the crisis is ongoing even though, in reality, it has
been resolved.
Simply understanding this is the
foundation for recovering from your PTSD. In other words, even though you know
intellectually that your wife is recovering and that things are getting better,
your body still believes that there is a continuous crisis. This, essentially,
is the definition of PTSD.
It is normal to feel angry at the
sleeplessness as well as the depression and anxiety that come with PTSD. The
obvious question is how can you get yourself to understand that you are no
longer in crisis? Your PTSD symptoms are like an insistent child who demands
your attention. You would like nothing more than to be able to sleep well and
return to a state of well-being. You just want those symptoms to go away.
Ironically, the more you try not to think about the accident, the more the
memories and flashbacks plague you. The only solution is to give the hurt part
of you your full attention, kindness, and love.
Before beginning, you must make an
agreement to be patient and compassionate to yourself as there is no set
timeline for recovery. The recovery process is about allowing yourself to fully
feel, experience, and remember what you went through. That’s right! Recovering
from PTSD is going to involve voluntarily re-experiencing the trauma. You may
find, however, that even though it is a painful and intense process in the
moment, it may also be a rich experience that leads to post-traumatic growth.
(A very important caveat: Even though
processing trauma is emotionally draining, it is not meant to be overwhelming.
It is not about pushing yourself too far or hurting yourself mentally and
emotionally. This will not be helpful in healing your PTSD and may even make
things worse. If you find that you are unable to do this work without becoming
overwhelmed, I would advise you to obtain the services of a trauma-informed
psychotherapist.)
Step
1: Carve out some time for yourself in your day and week to work on your
trauma. That means no distractions or other people demanding your attention.
Step
2: Depending on your personality and the intensity of the trauma, you may
find it difficult or impossible to think about your symtoms without becoming
physiologically overwhelmed. I would recommend learning relaxation techniques,
such as diaphragmatic breathing and “safe place visualizations” to calm
yourself when you begin to feel overwhelmed. There are many online resources
for this. Being able to tolerate intense emotional states is one of the main
prerequisites to processing trauma.
Once you are comfortable with your
ability to tolerate intense emotional states, you may begin to intentionally
think about the trauma. Two great tools when you are working by yourself is the
use of journaling or art as a way to process the trauma. You can write about
those experiences and draw images that are part of your traumatic memories. You
may want to use the content from your nightmares or flashbacks as beginning
points for words and images about those experiences.
Another great tool to help you
process your trauma is somatic awareness. This simply means noticing what is
happening in your body when you get triggered. Your mind and body experience
the PTSD together. Once you identify a particular physical sensation, ask
yourself what emotion(s) the sensation is expressing and then ask yourself what
the sensation would say if it could speak. Being able to identify the core
message that your body is expressing can be tremendously helpful.
The key is to not just talk or think
about what happened but to become aware of what it was like for you in the
moment. Those moments of subjective experience are where the trauma is stored,
and those memories will not be released until you allow yourself to fully
experience the impact.
Step
3: After your session engaging in trauma work, you may find yourself
feeling exhausted and revved up or both. It can be helpful to take a walk or
engage in some sort of physical activity to help you process and integrate the
traumatic memories. I would also recommend practicing your breathing and
calming exercises after your session. It is important to make this work a
priority and take as much time as you need during the day to recover and
integrate after the session.
Step
4: In processing traumatic memory, you may feel complete after
self-witnessing your work through writing or art. However, you might feel that
your work is not complete until you share it with another person. Giving
yourself permission to be vulnerable and sharing the full impact of your
experiences with another person can be tremendously cathartic and healing. One
of the profound effects of PTSD is feeling isolated, feeling that no one else
understands what you’re going through. Sharing these experiences can help you
feel reintegrated back into community and shared humanity.
I have given you basic guidelines
about the process of recovery from PTSD. You will need to evaluate for yourself
whether you are able to do the work on your own. As an example, you can ask a
mechanic how to install a new engine, but that doesn’t mean you would, or
should, try to do it yourself. It depends how personally suited you are to
doing this work without assistance or whether you need assistance from a
professional. If you do decide that you would benefit from assistance, there are
certainly many qualified trauma-informed psychotherapists in the community.
I am deeply sorry to hear about your
wife’s accident and so glad that she is recuperating nicely. I hope that the
information I shared is helpful for you in your recovery process.
Shlomo Schor is a Licensed Clinical
Professional Counselor who specializes in treating PTSD as well as general
mental health issues. He uses somatic and expressive modalities to treat adults
and teenagers. He can be reached at shlomoschor5@gmail.com and
410-627-7495. He currently offers telehealth sessions.
