Dear Dr. Kidorf

I have two young teenage sons as well as younger children. On Shabbos, they go to shul with their father. On the way home, my husband stops at a few different homes to shmooze and make a lechaim. The boys just talk to their friends, if any of them are around, and wait until he’s ready to go home. My husband never gets drunk, just a little “happy,” and we proceed with kiddush, where everyone in the family gets wine.

 One night last week, I went out and came back earlier than expected. I walked into the living room and saw my two boys having a little lechaim. I was rather shocked and asked them what they were doing. They answered, “Nothing, we’re just trying it.”

I was 14 years old, a Bais Yaakov of Baltimore student, when I opened up the Where What When for the first time – back when Chinese slippers, Steve Madden platforms, and messy buns were “in,” and “tamagachis” were all the rage. Memories come to mind of sitting around with my then-best friend Emily on Shabbos afternoons passing the time. The two of us would sit by the bay window in her house on Fallstaff Road and talk about “all the things” – from homework to teachers to friends to who’s walking by at the moment to what we were going to do on motzaei Shabbos – and then, in what started as a one-time thing and turned into a tradition, we opened up the Where What When. During those long Shabbos afternoons, we flipped through page after page of articles. Scouring the magazine for something interesting, we came across articles with titles like, “Ten Ways to Promote your Gut Health!”  (What even is a gut?!), “To Refinance or Not To Refinance” (Is this from that Shakespeare play Mrs. Toso just read?), “How to Keep Kids Occupied on Long Trips” (Why do they even need an article about this; duh, just get us the latest thing!), and “Amazing Flax Seed Muffin Recipes” (Does it come in chocolate chip?). As teens, we quickly gave up our search and settled down with the shidduch column. At least that was nice and juicy!

I had the privilege of interviewing Shimon Apisdorf at his apartment in the Katamon neighborhood of Jerusalem on May 18, 2022. I have three of his books, including the Passover Survival Kit, with its hilarious cover illustration of people asleep at the Seder table. Shimon Apisdorf is a writer, educator, and former publisher. He is affable and unassuming. But he is a man with big plans. Rabbi Apisdorf is not just a seeker, not just a visionary, but a doer.

With the rise of anti-Semitism in the United States and the Democratic party shifting towards the radical left, I began to wonder about the future of American Jewry. Looking at the beautiful, barren hills in Samaria and the Negev, I had daydreams about a nucleus from Baltimore being transplanted in Israel with its own institutions intact. When I heard that Shimon Apisdorf is working to make those hazy dreams of mine a reality, I was very excited to take on the assignment from the WWW to interview him.

When I was a junior at Towson State College (now Towson University), I joined a group from the Jewish Students Association to catch a glimpse of President Lyndon Johnson visiting the John Hopkins campus. I held a huge sign, “Lyndon B. Johnson for President” behind a crowd as President Johnson walked towards his helicopter. He must have seen the sign, because suddenly he stopped and said to the boys in front of me, “Let that girl shake my hand.” Me? The President of the United States wants to shake my hand? After that, I attended rallies for Johnson and got interested in politics. Unlike the dedicated leaders who are running in Maryland’s upcoming gubernatorial primary on July 19, however, I never ran for political office. But I’m grateful to those who represent us in the Jewish communities where we live. Here’s who’s running:

Israeli Iced Coffee

When I was in seminary in 2012, iced coffee was very popular. There was an ice cream shop across the street from my school. The owner once said he did most of his business when the students came. Unlike American iced coffee, the Israeli kind is like coffee ice cream in a cup. I looked forward to treating myself to some as a Rosh Chodesh treat. When I got back from Israel, I knew I had to figure out how to recreate it. This is a dairy-free version.

1 tsp. instant coffee

5 scoops parve vanilla ice cream

1/4 c. soy milk

1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

Combine in a blender or food processor fitted with the S-blade. Blend until smooth.

Our son is engaged to a lovely girl, and we are planning the chasana. I have already made two weddings. For both of our daughters, we and mechutanim were more or less on the same page as far as what kind of simcha we were comfortable with. Now we are dealing with the girl’s parents, who are well to do and have higher expectations for the wedding. I realized when the couple were dating that she came from a higher standard of living but thought it wouldn’t be a major problem. I guess I wasn’t thinking about the wedding.

Having just completed this article, which references him, I learned of the petira (passing) of my mentor, my friend, and my rebbe, Rabbi Pinchas Stolper, zt”l. By the time you read this, shiva will have been completed. I therefore decided to add this short introduction to honor my Rebbe’s memory.

Rabbi Stolper was responsible for changing the landscape of Torah outreach in North America beginning in the early 60s. NCSY and Rabbi Stolper were synonymous. NCSY was without a doubt on the cutting edge of kiruv (Jewish outreach) when it began its work over 60 years ago. NCSY succeed in reaching out to the huge numbers of young Jews who were rapidly being lost to assimilation. The word Shabbaton, which is now in common usage, was coined by Rabbi Stolper to describe the weekend teenage gatherings that gave many high schoolers their first taste of a real Shabbos, which included learning, zemiros, and dancing. Following a musical havdalah, there was a fun-filled melava malka with great food and entertainment.

Once again, just as in pandemic and even pre-pandemic days, Baltimore’s community organizations, businesses, and individuals came together; this time to tackle the baby formula needs of the community. Everyone collaborated to ensure infants were fed and parents’ minds were at ease knowing they would not have to suffer the consequences of the nationwide shortage crisis.

Just for some background, in September 2021, an infant in Minnesota became ill with a potentially lethal bacteria after consuming baby formula manufactured at the Abbot plant in Michigan. Shortly after, several more infants fell sick, and, tragically, two infants died from infection. The infections were under investigation, and after an FDA inspection of the Abbot facility in February, there was a recall on several batches of formula. Then the factory ceased production.

As we suffer from soaring temperatures and merciless humidity, there seems to be no refuge for our overheated lives. Since we can’t cool down the outside, a chilly interior is the next best thing. Ice cream makes people feel more comfortable and carefree; it’s hard to resist. With hundreds of variations to choose from, the hardest thing about eating ice cream is which flavor to pick. National favorites include vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, chocolate chip cookie dough, and mint chocolate chip. There even exist some horrific flavors like garlic, pizza, and mustard! Setting that thought aside, ice cream has been the “go to” food of choice for Americans nationwide since the colonial era.

Pesach has come and gone, but most of us can still remember the amount of energy expended into making this special Yom Tov. In case you did forget, or erased it from your memory, I ask you, what does one do the week before Pesach? Some people are kashering their kitchens, while others are shopping and cooking. And then there are those who decide to spend time in a recording studio producing a song just in time for Pesach. This is the story of some local creative individuals who used their G-d given talents and energy to record a beautiful song and make an accompanying video in addition to kashering, cooking, and Pesach shopping.

It started out with two former Simchas Esther cast members, who were itching to do something creative as there hasn’t been a play in two years. One cast member, Michelle Anflick, who released her own single “Please See,” (available on YouTube and Spotify) sung and produced by local artists Pinny Schachter and Moshe Siegel, collaborated with another cast member, Judy Landman, author of Seasons of the Rain (available on Amazon). In a very last moment of insanity and altruism, the two women/actresses joined forces to make a song, which would be fine and fun, but who produces a song the week before Pesach!? Combining their writing and composition talents, this would be a song to honor the Ichud Hatzalah and the Chabad Shluchim in Ukraine who have worked tirelessly and continue to do so as they save hundreds of thousands of people there.

With spring here and summer not far behind, the relaxed warm-weather activities bring a plethora of safety concerns that our community needs to be vigilant about. The Chesed Fund and Project Ezra President Frank Storch recently received this heartbreaking email from a very concerned community member:

I’m not sure if you are aware of what happened this week with a bike accident in our community. On Tuesday, I was driving, and as I crossed over an intersection, a young boy slammed into the side of my car. It happened so fast… I really think something needs to be done for the safety of the kids in this community. He was riding a bike with a motor. He was going very fast and did not stop at the stop sign. Judging from the damage to my SUV, he had a serious impact when his bike hit the side… He flew into the air and hit the windshield with his head and elbow. Thank G-d he was wearing a proper helmet, but now, days later, he is still in the hospital.

 I’m still shaken, and he’s still in the hospital having needed surgery. B”H, it wasn’t fatal, but it could have been. Just a few seconds and a guardian angel for him and me, and thankfully he is alive. I see many kids biking, often unsafely in the streets. We teach our kids how to ride bikes, but more importantly we need to teach them bike safety. And when they are riding in the street, we need to teach them to read and adhere to road signs and basic safety on the road.

 Summer camp is a subject that consumes parents starting in the dead of winter. Should I send my child this year? Or should I wait for next year? Which camp should she go to? Should he go at all? How can I get the camp to accept my child?

My parents sent me to camp at the young age of 9 to try to cure me of my shyness. The camp had very strict rules, and parents were not allowed to visit or speak to their children for the full three weeks. My father often reminded me of the time he happened to be in the area and wanted to visit me but they wouldn’t let him onto the grounds. Instead, the counselor came to talk to him at the gate of the camp. My parents sacrificed to send me to camp, and I am sure they missed me, but they wanted me to have a great summer, and it was a priority to do what they thought was good for me.

Administrator, Baltimore Bais Din

Reviewed by Rabbi Mordechai Schuchatowitz, Head of the Baltimore Bais Din

In last month’s issue of Where What When, Mrs. Schor wrote an article about situations in which someone went above and beyond to return a lost object to its owner and thereby do the mitzva of hashavas aveida. Mrs. Schor had communicated with me and wondered whether these people actually had a halachic obligation to return the lost objects. The question is an important one since many of us, as Torah-observant Jews, often encounter an object and wonder whether we should bother ourselves to bring it home and attempt to find the owner. This article will explore the parameters of this mitzva, with the hope that it will give some practical guidance.

We will start by depicting two scenarios. In each scenario, we will give an A and B version in which one detail is changed. That detail will change the halacha. Let’s begin:

I’m looking online for vitamins. Who wants to pay 12 dollars when I can get them for seven? But in order to get them for that lower price, I’ll need to spend at least 35 dollars on other merchandise to get the free shipping. I rack my brain as I think, now what do I need? How about tights? No. What about my husband’s favorite snack bars? No, he just ordered a box of them recently. Toothpaste? Shampoo? Nope, I’m well stocked.

The birth of grandchildren is a much-celebrated event. The adoring grandparents indulge in many delightful moments contemplating the terms of endearment they will eventually be called by their adorable grandchildren. Some of the more mainstream choices are grandma and grandpa, bubby and zaidy, or saba and savta. Of course, there are multiple variations on these themes, depending on tradition or personal preference. Despite the planning and possible friendly debate that goes into making these decisions, the people whose opinions are not taken into account are the grandchildren themselves. This is unfortunate since they ultimately make the decision.