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P. 72
counter-blame. The child is the loser. In mean that your child would rather get cess and growth in self-esteem.
a recent incident, a parent kept blam- in trouble for not handing in assign- DON’T speak negatively about your
ing the school and the classroom ments than risk handing in an assign-
teacher for not doing enough. In addi- ment that has too many mistakes. child, even when sharing information.
tion to creating a lot of negative energy, Your acceptance of your child’s chal-
this behavior led to the teacher and DON’T go behind the teacher’s back lenges and your commitment to work-
principal giving a negative report about and set up a meeting with the principal ing with these will communicate a
the student to the person in charge of without the teacher knowing. strong message to both your child and
a wonderful summer job opportunity. the teacher.
DO define the purpose of a meeting.
DO give the teacher an opportunity You definitely want to clear the air and ◆◆◆
to present his or her view, even if this state the problem. More than that, how-
means venting a bit about your child. ever, you want to leave with a plan that Dr. Ned Hallowell is an expert on
DON’T jump to conclusions that some- includes a method for assessing the attention deficit disorder and writes
how the concerns you have must indi- success of that plan and for keeping all extensively about parent-teacher inter-
cate incompetence or lack of caring on parties responsible for their parts of the actions. His advice? ”Don’t demand
the teacher’s part. solution. This might include establish- support – inspire it!” By staying posi-
ing a method for checking in regularly, tive, keeping the focus on the issue at
So, if you know for example, that one that is not onerous to either the hand rather than the personalities,
your “tzadik” has failed to turn in the teacher or the parent. remaining respectful of everyone
last eight homework assignments, involved – including both limudei
approach the situation as something DO consider sharing a diagnosis. kodesh and limudei chol teachers –
you want to work on together with the One parent told me that a teacher who marshaling facts as opposed to opin-
teacher, even if you have some ques- was convinced her son was unwilling to ions and accusations, you can become
tions about the size and nature of the work at anything did a complete about- an effective advocate for your child and
assignments. face when she showed the teacher the a genuine partner in that child’s suc-
neuropsychologist’s report. In fact, the cess. May Hashem grant all parents,
DO let the teacher know what works teacher apologized and developed an teachers, and students a year of growth,
for your child. For some children, for entirely new approach to this student. joy in learning, and genuine accom-
example, fear of messing up is greater Parents, teacher, and student became a plishment in life skills and
than fear of punishment. This might team, forging a path for academic suc- academics!◆
68 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
a recent incident, a parent kept blam- in trouble for not handing in assign- DON’T speak negatively about your
ing the school and the classroom ments than risk handing in an assign-
teacher for not doing enough. In addi- ment that has too many mistakes. child, even when sharing information.
tion to creating a lot of negative energy, Your acceptance of your child’s chal-
this behavior led to the teacher and DON’T go behind the teacher’s back lenges and your commitment to work-
principal giving a negative report about and set up a meeting with the principal ing with these will communicate a
the student to the person in charge of without the teacher knowing. strong message to both your child and
a wonderful summer job opportunity. the teacher.
DO define the purpose of a meeting.
DO give the teacher an opportunity You definitely want to clear the air and ◆◆◆
to present his or her view, even if this state the problem. More than that, how-
means venting a bit about your child. ever, you want to leave with a plan that Dr. Ned Hallowell is an expert on
DON’T jump to conclusions that some- includes a method for assessing the attention deficit disorder and writes
how the concerns you have must indi- success of that plan and for keeping all extensively about parent-teacher inter-
cate incompetence or lack of caring on parties responsible for their parts of the actions. His advice? ”Don’t demand
the teacher’s part. solution. This might include establish- support – inspire it!” By staying posi-
ing a method for checking in regularly, tive, keeping the focus on the issue at
So, if you know for example, that one that is not onerous to either the hand rather than the personalities,
your “tzadik” has failed to turn in the teacher or the parent. remaining respectful of everyone
last eight homework assignments, involved – including both limudei
approach the situation as something DO consider sharing a diagnosis. kodesh and limudei chol teachers –
you want to work on together with the One parent told me that a teacher who marshaling facts as opposed to opin-
teacher, even if you have some ques- was convinced her son was unwilling to ions and accusations, you can become
tions about the size and nature of the work at anything did a complete about- an effective advocate for your child and
assignments. face when she showed the teacher the a genuine partner in that child’s suc-
neuropsychologist’s report. In fact, the cess. May Hashem grant all parents,
DO let the teacher know what works teacher apologized and developed an teachers, and students a year of growth,
for your child. For some children, for entirely new approach to this student. joy in learning, and genuine accom-
example, fear of messing up is greater Parents, teacher, and student became a plishment in life skills and
than fear of punishment. This might team, forging a path for academic suc- academics!◆
68 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
