When a young woman or young man gets engaged, besides the joy of the parents, a great excitement fills the homes of their neighbors and friends. I have experienced this myself. My kids begin to ask for all the pertinent details: Who is the young woman? Where is she from? When is the engagement party? Then the questions might get more personal. “What does he do for a living? What do his parents do?” The questions and conversation lead us into territory which border on being judgmental.

Do we have the capacity to go beyond the superficial externalities of someone’s job, kitchen, or the food they served at their engagement party? Beyond that? Where else is there to talk about?