We’re acclimating
to condo living and meeting a lot of very nice people. That’s not something we
bargained for. Neighbors are friendly and kind, and we are still able to
maintain our privacy. I’m meeting a lot of women my age, which is an added
bonus, along with the elderly people who have lived here since the condominium
community was built. Our next-door neighbor is the oldest resident in the
complex; she’s 97 years old. She is highly respected in our community and not
just because of her age. She’s a lovely person with a regal bearing. She’s
someone I want to help since she lives alone. Interestingly, I find it
extraordinary that I don’t stay in touch with her just because of the chesed involved. No, Mrs. Berlin has
become my friend.
Sometimes, when I
call her to see how she’s doing, I’ll end up sitting at her kitchen table and
talking with her. Other times, she’ll knock on my door when she’s taking her
exercise walk around the halls on our floor. What a delightful, unexpected
surprise it always is to see Mrs. Berlin. I
mean, who drops in unannounced anymore? These days, no one visits without a
phone call or text in advance.
Mrs. Berlin is a
delight. She’s refreshingly honest and isn’t afraid to say what’s on her mind.
She says things in a kind and refined way. And I’m drawn to her like a magnet.
I want her to be able to rely on me, but I also enjoy her company.
One evening, I
called Mrs. Berlin and told her I needed her advice. She was waiting at her
door when I arrived. Someone had given me a garment and I wanted her opinion
about it. Mrs. Berlin always dresses beautifully, in an understated way, and I
knew she would be honest with me. I tried on the little cape, and she said she
liked it. It was a vintage faux fur collar that reminded me of my grandmother’s
mink stole. I told her I would like to own a mink jacket of my own one day, and
before I knew it, we were in her closet trying on her mink coats. What fun we
had, giggling like two girlfriends. I could see she was reliving her memories
as she tried each one on, and I enjoyed hearing her stories about each coat, “I
bought this one in Greece from a store named, Kaplan Bros.” We laughed about
that one. It was a wonderful evening for both of us.
My husband and I
have always been drawn to older people. We enjoy hearing them reminisce about
their past. It helps bring joy and meaning to their lives that are less busy
than they used to be. Mrs. Berlin fills her days with bridge games, hair
appointments, manicures, and grocery shopping. She has the most positive
attitude and is a happy person. She accepts life as it comes and doesn’t
complain. I learn so much from her and hope I adopt her upbeat attitude as I
grow older.
I once asked Mrs.
Berlin how she handles living alone without her husband. Is it hard knowing
she’s the last of her friends to still be among the living? Her answer, “That’s
life,” is said without bitterness or resigned acceptance. She seems to be a
forward-thinking person who doesn’t dwell on what she can’t change. I so admire
that in her. Aside from the bracha
that Hashem gave her to live a long life, maybe her attitude has been helpful
too. Mrs. Berlin doesn’t get stuck on what she can’t change and stays focused
on reality. She has changed my awareness, and I am learning a lot from her.
I don’t like it
when Mrs. Berlin says things to me like, “We can do such and such if I’m still
here next year.” It makes me worry that I’m getting too close to her and that
it will be so sad when she’s no longer here. But if I take the lesson I am
learning from Mrs. Berlin, then I have to enjoy the moments that I have with
her today and not let myself go down the road to sadness and worry. As my
parents so often say, “Today is a good day, baruch
Hashem.” What a positive way to view
life; it’s acceptance and gratitude all rolled into one. It’s a breath of fresh
air, just like my relationship with Mrs. Berlin, and I’m so glad to have made
such a friend.
Zahava Hochberg
created the weekly column “Musings Through a Bifocal Lens” for the Monsey Mevaser newspaper. She also
created a new section for the paper called “The Silver Slant.” Zahava can be reached
at zahava.hochberg17@gmail.com
