Let’s start by mixing a few metaphors: Ed Hoffman is slowly but surely climbing down from cloud nine. For the last few weeks, life has been an unforgettable roller-coaster ride. After all, it is not every day – or even every decade – that a caterer, particularly a certified kosher caterer, is given the high honor and responsibility of preparing the food for a visit by the President of the United States (POTUS), the foremost political figure in the world.
This is what Ed was asked to do by Howard Tzvi Friedman on the occasion of the historic visit to the Friedman home, smack in the middle of Orthodox Jewish Greenspring, on Friday September 12, 2014 (17 Elul 5774). Although the guests were not necessarily observant, the fact that the hosts are frum – proudly and publicly so – meant that every aspect of the occasion could not help being either a kiddush Hashem or a chilul Hashem; that is what happens when you are prominent and wear a yarmulke. Accordingly, every detail had to be perfect, particularly, of course, the decor and the food, which are the professional responsibility of the caterer. You can imagine the immense pressure Ed and his staff have been under for weeks.
Like kings of old, presidents do not travel alone; they are always accompanied by a pamalya – a huge retinue of aides, news reporters, White House staff, military personnel (like the military officer who is always next to the President with the keys to the H-bomb, in case Obama wishes to launch World War III from Tzvi Friedman’s den), and lots and lots of Secret Service agents.
In this day and age, when you have to worry about every nut group from ISIS to the KKK, the Secret Service has to be fanatical in its attention to detail and in its determination to keep the President away, physically, from as many people as it can. No one can get near him without being thoroughly checked long beforehand. There are even levels of prohibited and permitted proximity. Some persons are allowed within masayim amos (200 feet) of the President but are not allowed within daled amos (four feet), which requires a higher level of security clearance (ever read Moreh Nevukhim III 51?). Who knows what kind of background checks they did on Ed, his mashgiach, Rabbi Addi, and the rest of his hand-picked staff? Very appropriate for Elul, of course, but creepy, don’t you think? Even in a large home, providing room for such a retinue in addition to the 50 who were actually guests represented a logistical challenge of formidable proportions.
Now, before you WWW “hockers and yentas” ask, the late-Friday-afternoon, shortly-before-Shabbos timing was Obama’s idea. You see, he had arranged to helicopter to Baltimore to do the Ft. McHenry thing on Friday afternoon, because that was the anniversary of the original battle there, 200 years ago, so it fit his schedule, once he was in Baltimore anyway, to do the Greenspring visit at the same time. Do not worry: The President and everyone else were gone well before Shabbos. But until that happened it was a hectic week, and a very hectic day.
A President of the United States does not go anywhere without extensive hachanos, preparations, and the entire week, the Friedman home was repeatedly invaded by security people, food-and-party professionals, like Ed and his staff, and Democratic Party political event planners. Look, just don’t expect privacy the week the POTUS shows up in your house!
So many things had to be perfect, and perfection doesn’t come without painstakingly going the extra mile. The menu had to be perfect, so Ed consulted with a “professional’s professional,” his good friend Josh Hershkowitz, to come up with truly unique food items. The food had to be perfect, particularly for guests who equate kosher with inferior. Nothing canned or bottled; everything was created fresh, from herbs to mayonnaise. Plates had to be perfect; Jon Kaplan and Yaakov Fader plated each individual meal as though they were creating works of art. It took them over an hour to plate 50 meals. (An entire day had been spent polishing the silverware.) Place settings had to be perfect; obsessing over them was the job of Vicki Reches, the new director of business development. Each plate had to be placed exactly the same way, where the salmon was placed at 6:30 (which means facing the bottom) – not 6:40, not 6:45! If one
plate did not look the same as the rest, it was sent back. Every detail mattered.
The space had to be perfect. Furniture had to be rearranged or removed to facilitate the specific security requirements of the Secret Service (the details of which are none of your business!). Space had to be microscopically preplanned and allocated for the needs of the guests and especially of the President, in terms of meals and in terms of the unique choreography that characterizes political fundraisers during an election year, where privacy and proximity mingle uneasily. The principals are alone, surrounded by a host of security personnel, communications personnel – how cool is it to see a uniformed Navy officer hand the POTUS an envelope marked “Top Secret” in a Greenspring kitchen? – politicos and flacks of various levels of clout, and the press corps, who are kept at a distance yet who seem omnipresent. A cast of hundreds on hand – that is what is meant by the phrase “a private meeting” with the President of the United States.
And then there are the things that inevitably go wrong or, at least, not the way they are supposed to. The ability to respond successfully is the mark of the professional. The spot for picture taking with the President was changed at the last minute, sending the catering staff to a different location in the house than originally planned and upsetting the carefully planned catering choreography. Dishes could not be removed as scheduled, food could not be served at the optimum moment, little things like that – which are big things when you want to show off kosher catering at its most elegant and efficient to people who are completely unfamiliar with it.
Another plan spoiler was when the valet failed to show up on time. By the time he did show up, there was a pile-up of cars at the top of Green Meadow and Edenvale. The big-shot guests had to park far away and walk – you know, the way they used to do on Shabbos at the shuls of yesteryear. The police thought the Secret Service would handle it; the Secret Service thought the police would handle it. In the end, Ed handled it! Since his staff had already been vetted, he sent a few guys out to park the cars.
And then there were the practical jokes. Ed’s son Yoni, currently in YU, was allowed to bring his close friend from school to assist with the catering at this historic occasion. One of the top Secret Service officials sternly summoned Ed and asked, “Do you have Rami G. working here?” When Ed confirmed that this was so, the official turned to the boy and barked, “Young man, you are in deep trouble. I just spoke to your father!” Ed could not understand what was happening; did he have a terrorist on his staff? A terrorist from YU? It was a joke. Rami’s father is the Secret Service official’s dermatologist (naturally!). The Secret Service fellow had kindly called the father to tell him he saw his son working on the visit.
Well, the big day arrived, the big motorcade arrived, and the Big Man disembarked. No one actually saw him, because he walked through a large, specially-constructed tent to prevent outsiders from seeing him exit and enter. (We live in such times.) The Secret Service detail was in a state of high tension – for such is the nature of their job. Any member of the catering staff who was not exactly where the Secret Service had told him to be could be shot! Well, not really, but the Secret Service made it clear that they demanded that everyone remain in the place assigned to him or her under the game plan Ed had worked out days before. You can’t blame the Secret Service; they have a tough job.
Baruch Hashem, everything went smoothly. Now, Presidents don’t actually eat anything at these events. Personally, I have always thought it was because they insist on Satmar shechita, but it turns out that is it due to security precautions. But Obama did see and was impressed with the great lengths to which his hosts had gone to make this a special occasion. Aside from all of President Obama’s special remarks about the hosts – he and the Friedmans go back a long way, which is, let us say, not to the disadvantage of the Jewish people – the Chief Executive also took note of the extraordinary event the caterer had produced. In the words of Vicki Reches, “Observing what went on behind the scenes was an incredible opportunity to experience how Hoffman & Co. execute an event flawlessly. Every detail was accounted for and performed with precision. Nothing less than 100 percent was accepted. The final product was absolutely exquisite. I’ll even bet the President took some pointers back to his own catering staff.”
The proof of the pudding, they say, is in the eating. In this case, POTUS didn’t eat, but he was so impressed he took photos with Ed and Yoni, which Obama usually doesn’t do. He even took Ed into his daled amos, which is rare indeed for a non-contributor. “The President gave me a big side hug and complimented me profusely. It was quite an experience.”
Best of all, the President, along with the long, long line of motorcycles, cars, armored vehicles, and one ambulance, was out of there by 6:10 p.m., which gave the staff time to clean up in a frenzy and make it home for Shabbos. As I said, when a Jew with a kippa, a kosher caterer, does an event for persons outside the Orthodox community, when he does an event for the most powerful people in the world, it is never neutral. One either makes a kiddush Hashem or the opposite. As was evident, Ed was proud that he had the opportunity to do the former.
Which is why Ed is still on cloud nine.
