Congratulations! You have a child going to school for the first time! What a milestone! Welcome to the exciting world of preschool, where your child will, be”H, continue on his path of growing and learning in his new “home away from home.”
For some children
(and parents), this is very thrilling. I overheard a little girl ask her mother
in almost every aisle of Seven Mile Market, “Right, Mommy, I’m going to Bais
Yaakov? Right, Mommy, that’s what they do? Right, Mommy, I’m going to need
snacks?” etc., etc. It was precious (at least for me) to hear her enthusiasm.
And that’s what we want to keep in mind and hold onto – that enthusiasm.
For some children
(and parents), that first venture into school is a nerve-wracking experience.
Maybe your son is the shy type. Maybe your daughter has impulsivity issues.
Maybe you, yourself, had a bad experience and are projecting that fear onto
your child! In any case, let’s help you as the parent prepare your child for
what should be one of the most profound experiences in his or her lifetime:
going to school!
Okay! For the
child who is just counting the days and minutes until they get to wear that
knapsack, you really don’t have to do that much in terms of preparation, other
than listen and kvell. Make sure to follow through with that enthusiasm during
the first week, when those feelings may change as the reality of summer’s end
sets in.
If your child (or you!) is getting nervous and
queasy, here are some suggestions that are simple to do and can help alleviate the
symptoms and bring out some of the aforementioned enthusiasm. (This article is
addressing the child with typical needs. If you or your child is struggling
with more than the regular jitters, please be kind to yourself and your child
and consult a qualified professional for help with that!)
Buying something
new for the big day really helps. Besides shopping for school supplies, which is
in itself exciting, especially if it’s for the first time (nothing like that
first spiral notebook!), shopping with your child goes a long
way in helping him or her with this new stage in life. Giving your preschooler
as many choices as possible, like choosing the knapsack, lunch box, pencil
case, accessorizing headband, or even tissues, is an automatic confidence
booster. Young children don’t have much ownership and control in their lives,
and giving them the opportunity to “be in charge” of something in their lives
has a tremendous positive impact on their self-esteem and self-confidence.
That said, back-to-school
involves a myriad of expenses. You don’t
have to buy everything new. Realistically, with all the other
expenses that accompany your other children going to school, this is not
exactly feasible. The good thing about preschool children is that they are
usually more flexible than the older ones (less peer pressure, hopefully) and
giving them the choice of picking one
new thing will actually work for both of you.
Secondly, read,
read, read! Books are a great way to support your child with a situation he or
she is dealing with, be it toilet training, going to sleep, body hygiene,
safety, new baby, or middos in
general. Books are a non-threatening, age-appropriate, and natural way of
teaching. And there are so many great ones to read! Reading books of this
nature engenders great natural discussion.
Another practical
suggestion is to get your child involved in the actual school preparation
process. Labeling things together, discussing lunch and snack options (that the
child likes and you’re okay with), and allowing your child pick out his first
day outfit. (Yes! You can do this!)
Trust me when I say that preschool morahs
really don’t care what your child is wearing as long as it’s clean and adheres
to school guidelines. These are all small things that go a long way.
A really important
part of the preparation process is talking to your child about what his
new day will look like, who will take him and pick him up from school, etc. And
really, just talking to your child, period! Obviously, this is not all done in
one day! Gradual is the key word. As
camp is ending, there will be more opportunities for shmoozing, whether it’s in
the car or at dinner or when you’re folding laundry or whenever. Or you can go
out to Rita’s! Whichever venue you choose, you need to, gradually and naturally,
clue your child in to what school’s all about. Share your memories as a
preschooler, if you can still remember. (Or ask your spouse or a grandparent!)
Don’t you remember your brand new first-day-of-school item just waiting for
that special day? Or maybe your mom made your hair special for the occasion?
When our children (including teens) hear our shared experiences as children, it
soothes them, validates their feelings, and reassures them.
The next and final
important tactic – but
really a foundation in parenting – is listening to your child. What is
your little guy or girl saying? What is he or she worried about? To quote my
own teacher, Giveret Steinhardt, a”h,
who taught us Baltimore Bais Yaakov girls a slew of nivim (idioms), “Kol hatchalot
kashot –
all beginnings are hard” for everyone: child, parent, and yes, even the
teacher.
In preparing your
child for that big day, and really anything in life, it’s critical that you
sincerely listen to his or her worries and fears. Is she really having a
meltdown about the sneakers because they’re pink? Or is she having a meltdown
about getting new sneakers because it’s reminding her about school and bringing
up those nervous feelings? Is he giving you a hard time about bedtime lately
and using really creative stall tactics? Hmmm….
All these feelings
are okay! This is all part of our mind wrapping around the unknown. And actions
speak louder than words! Your child is 3 or 4 or 5 (or 15), and school is a big
change. Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Going to school in someone else’s
(unfamiliar) can can be scary. Being surrounded by big people (i.e. adults)
with lots of strange new children is overwhelming and potentially frightening.
Everything we take for granted as adults, because we are adults, should not be
underestimated; for your child, everything is new! So, while we instinctually
want to soothe and kiss it all away, we can’t and we shouldn’t. Listening to, encouraging,
and supporting your child will help him or her go through the natural process
that helps build strength and character.
Awareness of all
this and preparation for your child, with your child (!) in all the newness is
all part of ensuring a smoother transition, for all parties involved. At the
end of the day, remember to love your child throughout those meltdowns and
shutdowns. Be that cheerleader for your child! Hug your little one and make them
feel how special they truly are! And, on a deeper note, ashreinu (let us rejoice) that we have a makom Torah (Jewish school) to send our children to, where they can
grow and develop into the talented individuals Hashem has gifted us and are in our
charge. Good Luck in School!
In grateful appreciation to my full-time working
single mom, who French-braided my hair on the first day of school! Judy Landman has
been involved in early childhood education for over 20 years. She recently
published a book, Seasons of the Rain, available
on Amazon.
