Page 112 - issue
P. 112
NGeivedininggCCaraer,e
TheSuSphpoomrtreGi rAohuupvim
Cby Andrew Goldfinger ment to Yiddishkeit. people who are caring for those with
hanah loves her father deeply. dementias. The caregiver deliberately
She does her best to honor Expressing Love through Lying tells the affected person something
him and has always tried to be Chanah is in pain. A person she loves that is not true, either to assuage or
open and honest. She loves is suffering from dementia. It may be prevent the suffering they would expe-
him so much that this after- Alzheimer’s disease, it may be Lewey rience if told the truth. Some coaches
noon she is deliberately telling Body dementia, or it may be one of 27 use the term “therapeutic fibbing” to
him a lie. other known causes of mental impair- lessen the harshness of the tech-
ment. But the exact diagnosis does nique, but in any case, most care-
Boruch is learning with his rebbe. not matter. What does matter is that givers in American society are readily
He is not learning from his rebbe, her heart is breaking as she tries her willing to accept this practice, when
rather, he is the one doing the teach- best to help the person who once needed, since they have been encour-
ing. Today he is showing his rebbe helped and cared for her. aged to do so by clinical professionals.
how to find Shema and Shemoneh
Esrei in a siddur. Chanah’s father has been very Even though Chanah will follow
upset since he cannot find his wife. this course of action, it is not merely
Yaakov has always been devoted to He looked all over the house. He does because an authority in a white coat
his evening learning sessions with his not remember that she passed away told her to. For Torah-centered Jews,
chavrusa. He is careful to let nothing eight years ago. Chanah knows that it moral decisions do not rest with doc-
interfere with this long-term commit- would hurt him deeply to be remind- tors. Rather, we seek the Torah per-
ment. Tonight he is staying home to ed of this, so she is telling him instead spective and consult rabbinic experts
spend some time with his wife. that Ima is out shopping and will be in navigating the often painful deci-
home soon. She knows this will com- sions of life. Chanah consulted with
What Chanah, Boruch, and Yaakov fort Abba and he will forget the entire her rabbi, who gave her guidance on
have in common is that each of them episode in a few minutes. when to use this technique.
cares for a mentally- or physically-
impaired individual and faces all the Chanah is practicing “therapeutic Lying: Halacha and Hashkafa
usual challenges attendant upon this lying,” a caregiving technique that is As an example of Torah consultation, I
role, along with some special chal- taught by well-meaning counselors to
lenges that stem from their commit-
104 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
TheSuSphpoomrtreGi rAohuupvim
Cby Andrew Goldfinger ment to Yiddishkeit. people who are caring for those with
hanah loves her father deeply. dementias. The caregiver deliberately
She does her best to honor Expressing Love through Lying tells the affected person something
him and has always tried to be Chanah is in pain. A person she loves that is not true, either to assuage or
open and honest. She loves is suffering from dementia. It may be prevent the suffering they would expe-
him so much that this after- Alzheimer’s disease, it may be Lewey rience if told the truth. Some coaches
noon she is deliberately telling Body dementia, or it may be one of 27 use the term “therapeutic fibbing” to
him a lie. other known causes of mental impair- lessen the harshness of the tech-
ment. But the exact diagnosis does nique, but in any case, most care-
Boruch is learning with his rebbe. not matter. What does matter is that givers in American society are readily
He is not learning from his rebbe, her heart is breaking as she tries her willing to accept this practice, when
rather, he is the one doing the teach- best to help the person who once needed, since they have been encour-
ing. Today he is showing his rebbe helped and cared for her. aged to do so by clinical professionals.
how to find Shema and Shemoneh
Esrei in a siddur. Chanah’s father has been very Even though Chanah will follow
upset since he cannot find his wife. this course of action, it is not merely
Yaakov has always been devoted to He looked all over the house. He does because an authority in a white coat
his evening learning sessions with his not remember that she passed away told her to. For Torah-centered Jews,
chavrusa. He is careful to let nothing eight years ago. Chanah knows that it moral decisions do not rest with doc-
interfere with this long-term commit- would hurt him deeply to be remind- tors. Rather, we seek the Torah per-
ment. Tonight he is staying home to ed of this, so she is telling him instead spective and consult rabbinic experts
spend some time with his wife. that Ima is out shopping and will be in navigating the often painful deci-
home soon. She knows this will com- sions of life. Chanah consulted with
What Chanah, Boruch, and Yaakov fort Abba and he will forget the entire her rabbi, who gave her guidance on
have in common is that each of them episode in a few minutes. when to use this technique.
cares for a mentally- or physically-
impaired individual and faces all the Chanah is practicing “therapeutic Lying: Halacha and Hashkafa
usual challenges attendant upon this lying,” a caregiving technique that is As an example of Torah consultation, I
role, along with some special chal- taught by well-meaning counselors to
lenges that stem from their commit-
104 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
