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P. 104
“Can you tell me about this person?” or ticulars of the quality or trait. When the what the interviewee meant when they
“What qualities about this person interviewee initiates mention of a topic, shared that specific quality.
stand out most in your mind?” Now, they no longer feel fearful of what one
oftentimes, the person being called will is trying to dig up, because they them- As an added benefit, if one speaks
respond by stating, “Ask me a question” selves have voluntarily shared the infor- with two or three people, and more
– to which one can politely reply, “I just mation. As such, they will usually be than one of them shares an identical
did ask you a question.” It may sound a much more comfortable elaborating on quality, without having been prompted,
bit glib, but it helps make the point. the point without hesitation or reluc- there is then a greater likelihood that
Many people on the receiving end tance. As more points are mentioned what has been shared is indeed reflec-
believe that pointed and specific ques- by the person being interviewed, the tive and descriptive of the young man
tions are easier to handle because they questioner can go through them one at or woman being inquired about.
are more straightforward, even though, a time to get elucidation and elabora-
in actuality, they are usually more diffi- tion on each point. In particular, it is At this point, one can go back to the
cult to respond to and lead to the often very helpful to ask for examples original prioritized list and check if the
aforementioned difficulties. in action of the quality or trait men- matters they deem important were
tioned, to be sure that one is clear addressed. If they were, that says a great
The goal is to remain equanimous about the nature of what is being deal. If they were not, it is possible that
and stick with open-ended questions. shared. the single one is asking about does not
The more one can accomplish this, the match the qualities one is looking for.
better the information will be. Once the For instance, if the interviewee men- Or it may mean that now is the time for
person with whom one is speaking tions that a young man or woman is more incisive questions – not check-
becomes comfortable with this broader “neat,” hearing examples of this quality list-style questions, but specific ques-
question, he or she will begin sharing will help clarify if neat means more tions for a very real and important rea-
the qualities that most naturally and orderly than most people, extremely son.
honestly come to mind regarding the orderly, or bordering on obsessive.
young man or woman being discussed. Almost all qualities and traits fall on a Listed References vs. Unlisted
spectrum, and examples assist in better References
Tactic Two: Once specific qualities understanding where on the spectrum Another point which must be
or traits are shared, that is the time to this particular single person falls and addressed is that the purpose of the
lead the conversation towards the par- initial calls made to listed references is
96 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
“What qualities about this person interviewee initiates mention of a topic, shared that specific quality.
stand out most in your mind?” Now, they no longer feel fearful of what one
oftentimes, the person being called will is trying to dig up, because they them- As an added benefit, if one speaks
respond by stating, “Ask me a question” selves have voluntarily shared the infor- with two or three people, and more
– to which one can politely reply, “I just mation. As such, they will usually be than one of them shares an identical
did ask you a question.” It may sound a much more comfortable elaborating on quality, without having been prompted,
bit glib, but it helps make the point. the point without hesitation or reluc- there is then a greater likelihood that
Many people on the receiving end tance. As more points are mentioned what has been shared is indeed reflec-
believe that pointed and specific ques- by the person being interviewed, the tive and descriptive of the young man
tions are easier to handle because they questioner can go through them one at or woman being inquired about.
are more straightforward, even though, a time to get elucidation and elabora-
in actuality, they are usually more diffi- tion on each point. In particular, it is At this point, one can go back to the
cult to respond to and lead to the often very helpful to ask for examples original prioritized list and check if the
aforementioned difficulties. in action of the quality or trait men- matters they deem important were
tioned, to be sure that one is clear addressed. If they were, that says a great
The goal is to remain equanimous about the nature of what is being deal. If they were not, it is possible that
and stick with open-ended questions. shared. the single one is asking about does not
The more one can accomplish this, the match the qualities one is looking for.
better the information will be. Once the For instance, if the interviewee men- Or it may mean that now is the time for
person with whom one is speaking tions that a young man or woman is more incisive questions – not check-
becomes comfortable with this broader “neat,” hearing examples of this quality list-style questions, but specific ques-
question, he or she will begin sharing will help clarify if neat means more tions for a very real and important rea-
the qualities that most naturally and orderly than most people, extremely son.
honestly come to mind regarding the orderly, or bordering on obsessive.
young man or woman being discussed. Almost all qualities and traits fall on a Listed References vs. Unlisted
spectrum, and examples assist in better References
Tactic Two: Once specific qualities understanding where on the spectrum Another point which must be
or traits are shared, that is the time to this particular single person falls and addressed is that the purpose of the
lead the conversation towards the par- initial calls made to listed references is
96 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
