Shana and Avi* had only been married three years, but already it seemed like they were headed for divorce. All they ever did was fight. The tension in the house was constant, and they could hardly remember why they had gotten married in the first place. As far as either could tell, the only reason they were staying together at this point was for their one-year-old daughter Malka, whom they both loved dearly. But Malka had an unusual medical issue that took a lot of time, energy, and money to address. Shana and Avi were physically, emotionally, and financially stressed.

It had been suggested to them a number of times to seek marriage counseling, but that was simply never in the cards. Their insurance had told them it wasn’t covered, because it was not a medical issue – at any rate their deductible was astronomical – and they couldn’t afford to pay out of pocket. They were getting increasingly overwhelmed, resentful, and hopeless.

Dear Dr. Weisbord,

I am struggling with the decline of my favorite aunt and wonder if you can give me some clarity. What is the correct Torah hashkafa about visiting or being involved with a person with dementia who does not seem to recognize you or appreciate your coming to see her? Sometimes I think that it is useless to visit my aunt. Moreover, I feel certain, knowing that, if she had a choice, she herself would not want others to see her in her diminished state. As I try to interact with my aunt and get no meaningful response, I wonder if I should just follow the advice of an acquaintance, who told me that she had not seen her good friend for the 10 years before she died because the friend did not recognize her.

ou probably know that the word nosh comes to us from Yiddish, which in turn took it from the German naschen, “to nibble.” Most of us think of nosherai – snack food – as junk food. But noshing can also mean simply eating between meals, without the unhealthy connotation. So how can we nudge ourselves toward more nutritious noshing? 

To start, I have a challenge for you: keep track of your noshing for three days. Yes, write down all those between-meal chips, cookies, fruits, and granola bars. Then analyze what you see. Do you have a snack at least once a day? If so, you are like nine in ten Americans, according to national dietary surveys. The fact is, noshing even several times daily is not inherently good or bad. It all depends on the quality of the foods you’re eating. Many of the most common snacks, such as chips, cookies, and candy bars, are high in salt or sugar and may contain poor-quality fats and other undesirable ingredients. This is not ideal. There are many better choices available. For example, choosing snacks that are high in protein can actually provide many health benefits. 

This memoir was written by my aunt, Mrs. Lola Grunfeld, my father’s sister, who was born around 1921 in Germany. In 1937 she and her family fled to England, where she still lives today. I found her description of growing up in a wealthy family in Frankfurt  fascinating and thought others would also find it interesting.

The education and attitudes that my grandparents bequeathed to my aunt were very different from those I taught my children sixty years later. After reading this memoir, I understood more about life in those days before World War II.  The demarcation between the rich and the poor was very obvious and accepted. The rich understood that there were responsibilities that came with the privilege of wealth. Children knew their place and understood that some things were only for adults. Learning Torah was not just for the children, but for the whole family as a unit. I hope the WWW readers will share my fascination as well.

I once saw an embroidered pillow in someone’s home that read, “A good friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” The phrase resonated with me, and to this day I remember it. In the last year, one of the hardest in my life, you would think that the phrase became my reality; in some ways it has, but for others in the same circumstances, it hasn’t.

In a set of very unfortunate events, my mother passed away suddenly, and ten days later I gave birth to my first child. Here I was mourning my mother and at the same time celebrating the birth of a child who I never thought would be named after my mother. You can’t imagine the words that come out of people’s mouths while I sat shiva nine months pregnant. The words of one acquaintance of my father reverberate in my mind again and again. He approached me with pity in his eyes and said, “It’s a shame your mother will never see the baby.”

President-elect Donald Trump will nominate ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson for secretary of state, according to two sources close to the transition.

The sources warned that nothing is official until the president-elect announces it, which is likely to come over the next few days. Trump told Chris Wallace on “Fox News Sunday” that he was “getting very, very close” to an official announcement. 

In another Cabinet development, Trump officially announced Monday morning that he plans to nominate retired Marine Gen. John Kelly for secretary of the Homeland Security Department. Trump had been widely expected to announce the former U.S. Southern Command leader for the post. 

To the Shadchan:

My neighbor’s oldest daughter has just started going out, and I have a gotten two calls, so far, about her and her family. People know that I am her neighbor, so they call me. I am in a quandary, because I know too much. My neighbor is a very nice and warm woman, but she suffers from terrible shalom bayis problems as well children with health problems and learning disabilities. I am her friend and sounding board, so I don’t know what to say to callers. I don’t want to hurt my friend or her daughter, who is a nice girl and deserves a chance. But I also don’t want to mislead people. If they ask specifically about these issues and I am evasive or don’t answer, I know that people will assume the worst. Even if the caller does not ask about shalom bayis, am I supposed to volunteer the information? Would I be guilty if not telling this information were to cause problems down the road? What is my responsibility? What is a smart way to handle it?

The first thing that struck me as I pulled into the Bnos Yisroel parking lot to attend the shloshim for Lonnie Borck, a”h, were Hatzalah’s four ambulances lined up outside the school’s entrance. It was just as touching to see Lonnie’s Hatzalah colleagues lined up against the rear wall of the auditorium in tribute throughout the almost two-hour-long gathering. Hespedim were not allowed at Lonnie’s levaya, since his petira was on Shabbos Chol Hamoed Succos. The shloshim therefore provided the opportunity to share stories of Lonnie’s extraordinary middos and his care and concern for others. 

Alan Borck, Lonnie’s brother, noted that after moving here to attend the Talmudical Academy in tenth grade, Lonnie fell in love with the Baltimore, and Baltimore fell in love with him. It is customary to learn Mishna in the niftar’s memory, because the word mishna is comprised of the same letters as the word neshama and because it helps give an ilui (elevation) to the neshama. “It was particularly appropriate to learn Mishna in Lonnie’s memory,” said his brother, “because he looked at every neshama in a special way. He went out of his way for people who were completely different than he was or not on the derech at all. We need to learn from his example.”

The new tax season brings no earth-shattering tax law changes. The big news, of course, is the election of Donald Trump. His tax plan does call for modifications, anticipated for 2017. He certainly wants to reduce tax rates. Therefore, those with the ability to “income shift” should do so. That means arranging to earn less this year and more next year to take advantage of next year’s lower rates. If you are self-employed, for example, you could delay collecting money from your customers until January. You could also pay all outstanding expenses in 2016 that are not due until 2017, which will lower your profit this year. Since income taxes are only levied against profit, you will save. This strategy is for the wealthy, who are the ones really affected by this.

It’s a shame that the customers at Goldberg’s Bagels are more homogeneous now than what we had come to expect from owner Yaakov Drebin’s clientele. Until late October, his shop catered to a mix of Jews of varying degrees of observance as well as people of different religions and ethnicities, and, of course, political affiliations. These days, most customers he sees in the shop are noticeably Orthodox. What happened to cause this change?

Campaign Fun Turns Ugly

A couple of weeks before the election, a few Republican campaigners made unannounced stops in various Pikesville locations to promote their candidates. One stop was in the parking lot outside Goldberg’s Bagels. For about 20 minutes, this diverse group, with Jews and African-American campaign people among them, gave out flyers and spoke to anyone interested in engaging in conversation. According to their reports, it was mostly a fun day for everyone. There was a lot of friendly banter and picture taking (particularly because some of the campaigners were wearing Trump masks for fun) as well as music coming from a truck emblazoned with Republican names, with Donald Trump’s prominently displayed.

According to several eye witnesses, while the group was outside Goldberg’s, a woman customer who exited the store began yelling and cursing at the Republican group outside. She was decrying their support for Trump, and also used foul language to describe the presidential candidate.

Richard B,* an African-American, was with the Trump campaigners that day and saw no problem at Goldberg’s other than the woman who was yelling. “I thought the campaigning went quite well. We all have rights to do what we do. Mr. Drebin told the woman [who was cursing] that everybody has their rights to free speech. I didn’t want to pay her any mind, so I just ignored her. We all had a good time that day.”

Mr. Drebin, who had been busy in the store and was not even aware of the campaigners outside, happened to come outside shortly after the woman customer began verbally assaulting them.