Dear Rochelle,

I am disturbed by the rites of the engagement period which include more and more expensive presents to the chassan and the kallah. This puts a lot of pressure on the families who do not have the money and do not want to go into debt but do not want their chassan or kallah to get less than everyone else. I think our community should encourage the chassanim and kallos themselves to protest this trend and tell their families that they do not need so many expensive presents. They are the only ones who can do this honestly. 

Of course, this will not solve everyone’s problem, but it will solve the problem of each family that participates in such an initiative. And once it becomes more common, we can start a revolution and take the pressure off the families of newly engaged couples. What do you think? 

Contemplating a Chasana

If you are looking for a fun summer trip for your entire family, American Dream Mall in East Rutherford, NJ, might make a perfect choice. Located in northern New Jersey, close to New York City, this sprawling mall is full of kosher food, including some chain stores that have a kosher location! So, not only can you be entertained all day long with loads of activities but you don’t have to pack food! They have meal food and snack food, great for a variety of needs.

Adults view the world differently than young people. I thought it might be interesting to hear about an important Jewish concept from the perspective of a teenager. Here is a persuasive essay my eleventh-grade granddaughter wrote for school. Bayla has a TorahMate whom she learns with and she is trying to persuade her readers to do the same.

TorahMates is a project of Oorah that facilitates weekly Jewish learning over the phone and video call for more than 11,500 partnerships. The partners range in age from 7 to 97, and Torah is studied in eight different languages.

Here is Bayla’s essay. Does it persuade you?

* * *

Do You Want to Be a TorahMate?

by Bayla Schor

Do you find time to do things that are meaningful to you? Do you care deeply about all klal Yisrael? If so, doing kiruv is a worthwhile investment! The reward? The way Sammy’s face lights up putting on tefilin for the first time, the smile as Eliana starts her first Shabbat. The refreshing spark in their eyes makes your heart happy. We are one big family and are responsible for one another. It’s our obligation to help others find Hashem.

More Readers Respond

So, dear readers, let me set the record straight – right here and now: Yes, I am thinking about retiring. But not tomorrow. Not next week. Not even next month. Just… eventually. Someday. In the distant land of “the Future.”

You’d be surprised at how many people have asked me if I’m retiring since I first wrote an article in the Where What When two months ago. They ask at weddings, in 7-Mile Market, even in the school hallway – always with the same wide-eyed question: “Are you really retiring?”

Well, of course I am. Eventually. I mean, doesn’t everyone retire at some point? That brings me to the purpose of this column: to explore what you all think about retirement. I’m especially interested in hearing from those still in the “thinking about it,” “wondering if I should,” or “silently panicking” phase.

Just this past Shabbos, I was sitting outside with my beloved Shabbos Afternoon Shmooze Group, where we sit and try to solve the world’s problems between Mincha and shalosh seudos. And the topic came up. All four of us still work. All four of us still claim to “like” our jobs. And – most importantly – none of us has been gently nudged toward the exit.

There’s an eight-year age gap among us, yet we share a deep sense of friendship, commonality, and all feel pretty vital and purposeful in our professions. Are we slightly delusional? Maybe. But you’d have to ask our coworkers – assuming they’re not secretly pondering the same questions!

My friend Judy put it best: “I’m working till I drop!” We all just nodded in silent agreement, checking our watches to see if it was time to head home and set up shalosh seudos.

So, in the spirit of research (and procrastination), I continue with this column. I have three interesting letters to share with you, again, from people who are happily retired.

 I was young once upon a time, but I, too, have reached the “old man” years. I have seen many things, yet sharing the miklat (bomb shelter) this past week with 30 some neighbors opened my eyes.

Over 15 times we gathered, and though mechitza-less, we men and women gravitate to different sides of the miklat, an echo of the splitting of the Red Sea.

A 70–year-old man who minds his own business sees and hears things that are difficult to internalize, difficult to forget, such as the wan tired faces of the teenagers. I have raised – and been raised by – eight daughters. I am no stranger to the desperate sleep needs of the young and hearty.

The booms begin....

We men sit, of stolid face and posture, pretending it’s no big deal. Bring them on, our faces declare, until the next boom arrives, and our hearts ... flutter ... stutter.

On the other side of the miklat, truth resides.

With every boom, a responsive squelched scream … accompanied by a half-leap from the fragile plastic chair. Then the next boom ... and again ... the leap...the chair.

And the Master looks down … for so He desires – to unsettle, in order to settle.

In these crazy times, when the news does a complete 180 degree turn every day, when there is much more that we do not know than what we do know, I would like to take a look back and a look forward.

For many years, Israel faced a nuclear threat from Iran, and that fact had great political meaning. Two American rabbis I am close to each expressed these fears to me, separately, 30 years ago, during the Oslo period, in almost the same words. Both viewed holding on to all of Judea and Samaria (my view) as endangering Israel. Both rebuked me, more or less gently. One said, “If we provoke Iran by holding on to Judea and Samaria, and they drop an atomic bomb on us, maybe Kiryat Arba where you live will survive, but I have my doubts about the millions of Jews in the Tel Aviv area.”

The two men who thus addressed me were not hedonistic, bar-hopping atheists. They were both learned men, committed to teaching as much Torah as possible to as many young people as possible, and that was what they spent their lives doing, one in America and one in Israel. They were both very good at what they did, and both still are. I almost never respond quickly to oral arguments, and I just listened when they spoke, especially as I revere both.

by Rabbi Eliezer Gevirtz and Tzippy Basch (Feldheim 2025)

Reviewed by Chaim Yehuda Meyer

It has been said of Rabbi Alexander Ziskind of Hordona (author of Yesod V’Shoresh Ha’Avodah, a guide to everyday Jewish living) that, what’s more amazing than someone who was able to abide by his teachings, is that someone of that caliber lived in our times. This was Dr. Raphael Moller, z”l, father, husband, doctor, shul president, and askan. Always On Call, a monumental work 14 years in the making does an excellent job of covering the life of this great man. Rabbi Eliezer Gevirtz and Tzippy Basch illuminate the eyes of their readership with the image of someone whom Rabbi Yakov Perlow (the Novominsker Rebbe), zt”l, called, “an image of limud haTorah, of yiras Shamayim, of gemilus chasadim, and of osek b’tzorchei tzibbur,” both in his personal and professional life.

Today, I interviewed Elise Wolf.

What year did you graduate from Bais Yaakov of Baltimore, and how have you seen the school change since??? 

I graduated in 1986. We had two classes with 35 girls. We had outstanding teachers, like Mrs. Willner, and Rabbi Steinberg was principal. There were color wars, trips, and productions! Back then, the plays were written by students or borrowed from other schools. Or we put on popular plays like Oliver or The Sound of Music.? 

The high school used to be seventh through twelfth grade, so it has significantly grown in size. You might not know everybody in your grade like you did then, but because of the size of the grades, there are many more opportunities today to be involved in your school.? 

Chol Hamoed Pesach. My wife and I joined Shmuel Chaim Naiman for a foraging walk in the hills outside of Ramat Beit Shemesh. He is the son of Rabbi Abba Zvi and Mrs. Rochel Naiman of Baltimore. Rabbi Abba Zvi was my classmate in TA since second grade.

Walking the paths through the fields, we learned about wild oats, carrots, figs, and other plants. We learned about spiritually connecting to the physicality of Eretz Yisrael. Around our group of Anglos, we saw Israeli families, some of them very chareidi, also trekking in the hills. Is there a better way to spend Chol Hamoed?

The finale of the tour was the story of David and Goliath, who fought it out in the Elah Valley below us. Also visible dotting the surrounding hills were rising apartment complexes. Here was Israel – history, nature, and rebirth – all in one foraging walk.

by Aryeh Berkowitz

Whether you’re planning a chasana, a bar mitzvah, or a vort, everyone knows that music makes the simcha. But what music? And which musician? One-man band or orchestra? Extra singer? Which songs? How loud?

When it comes to choosing the musical entertainment, I have found that people have many questions. Here are answers to some of the common ones as well as some you may never have thought of.