Getting married? Weddings are a big deal, and most people have lots of questions beginning from the time of engagement through the day of the wedding. I sent some questions to local vendors to get tips on how to help the big event run smoothly and be less stressful. I also asked what the common norms are. As a friend told me, “I just want to be normal.” But when it comes to marrying off children, one doesn’t always know what normal is. I spoke to some of our advertisers, and here’s what they had to say. Hopefully these ideas will help.
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Gabe, Ruben and Isaac’s Jewelers
There are generally accepted
customs regarding the types of gifts given to a chassan and kallah,
though these can vary based on community norms, family traditions, and
financial considerations.
Typically, the kallah receives a diamond bracelet at the time of the proposal.
After the engagement, she and her chassan will visit the store together
to select an engagement ring. In some cases, the family may also purchase a
pair of diamond earrings at that time. Additionally, the chassan usually
gifts a diamond necklace as a yichud
room present. Diamond kallah
bracelets begin at about $1,800 depending on design and diamond quality.
Engagement rings generally begin at about $2,000 with costs varying significantly
if lab-grown diamonds are chosen.
For the chassan, it is
customary for the kallah’s family to
present him with a watch, a set of Shas, a tallis,
a tefillin bag, and, potentially,
a pair of cufflinks. The average range for chassan watches is $1,000 to
$3,000, though some families opt for higher-end pieces.
We advise families on what items
are trending and what is considered a traditional or contemporary gift. We stay
updated with popular styles, classic pieces, and what other families in the
community are purchasing to ensure our clients make well-informed decisions.
Often, the parents of the chassan
and kallah are heavily involved in the gift selection, especially for
more expensive or heirloom pieces. However, some couples prefer to choose their
own gifts to ensure they receive something they genuinely love. Traditionally,
it is the parents who pay for the gifts, especially the higher-end items.
However, in more modern or financially independent families, the chassan
and kallah may choose and purchase gifts for each other themselves.
We work closely with families to
identify meaningful gifts within their budget. This can include: offering
pieces with high visual impact but lower carat weights; recommending classic,
timeless designs that hold value; suggesting alternatives, like lab grown
diamonds instead of natural ones; and creating custom pieces that give the
appearance of luxury without the price tag.
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Adina B. Salon
Always give yourself more time than
you think you will need. If you want your makeup to be finished by 3:00,
schedule for it to be finished at 2:30. Go with the flow! Don’t sweat the small
stuff. For example, if the nail polish is not the perfect color, don’t get
upset. The important thing is marriage. It is ridiculous to get upset about
things that are not important. Come to the hall with a clean face. If you want
a specific look, bring a picture as a reference. Avoid laser, waxing, and
facials two days before the big day.
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Jesse Cleveland of Beth Tfiloh
After years of working with brides
and planning weddings, there are several things that one can do to make sure
that the day is as smooth and enjoyable as possible.
My number one piece of advice is to
create a notebook or binder where everything goes. Write down your ideas and
plans, keep every email and receipt, and keep it organized. I like a binder
with sections such as catering, florals, venue, rabbi, dress, other rentals,
etc. These sections need to make sense for your event but the more specific,
the better!
Create a Day-Of schedule and write
it down. Include times, locations, etc. This schedule should be shared with all
vendors and anyone else playing a role in the wedding. Having a schedule will
also help calm jitters on the day of the wedding because there will be a clear
understanding across the board of what comes next.
Don’t rush the rehearsal! This is
your time to ask questions and be comfortable with the ceremony – the most
important part of the wedding! I always recommend that brides walk the aisle a
bunch of times at the rehearsal wearing their wedding shoes. It may sound
silly, but it really helps brides feel calmer and more comfortable at the
actual ceremony. Even if you are not planning to have a wedding rehearsal, it is still a good idea to see where the chupa
will be and to look around so you will be prepared for the big day.
In short, keep track of your
communications, plan, practice, and then enjoy the big day!
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Hairstyling by Adina
Everyone should choose the
hairstyle they want ahead of time and send it to the stylist. This way, time
isn’t wasted figuring out what style everyone wants. Give the exact number
of heads so the stylist can bring an assistant if necessary. If you want
flowers, gems, pearls, or head pieces, bring them and the veil, of course, with you
and let the stylist know ahead of time that you want them as part of the style.
Start hair early! It is hard to
determine exactly how long a style will take since everyone’s hair and style
varies. It’s better to start early and touch up, if needed, while waiting
around to start pictures than to rush at the last minute to get everyone in.
Let the kallah go first. She gets the most time – it is her special day,
after all, and she deserves to be treated like the queen she is. Not only do
her pictures start first, but her hair also has to be the most perfect!
If you are having a wig styled, get
the wig styled ahead of time. I tell my clients to come in a week in advance to
consult on what style you want. Then leave the wig with me. I do the style off
the head, and when I am done, you come back to try it on and touch up. Or you
can choose to try it on the day of the simcha. Either way, it saves a ton of
time because there are usually only a few minutes, if any, at the event to make
sure the wig frames the face well.
Trust my products. If I tell you
they hold, they do! This comes from feedback from many past clients, not just
my own assumptions. However, don’t settle! Speak up! If any part of the
style is not what you want, or you want something touched up, tightened, or
secured, tell the stylist! She can’t feel what you feel, but she can fix what
you feel needs fixing. Going around afterwards saying it wasn’t what you wanted
but you felt bad saying anything isn’t fair to you or your stylist. Your
stylist wants to make you feel the best you have ever felt, and communication
goes a long way. I want to be called
back if something goes wrong with hair. That’s my burden to bear, not
yours.
Trust
the stylist you hire! It
is totally okay to call a week in advance to confirm your appointment for your
own piece of mind. I always say, I am there to make your day easier not harder. Give me the information I
need, and take a deep breath, I am there and will make sure everyone walks out
happy and secure in their styles.
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* *
Jeffrey Reches of RC Video
The best way to make the day run
smoothly is to be on time. People often blame the vendors and complain that
everything is taking too long. In the end, the problem can usually be traced to
the baalei simcha. For example, the pictures were supposed to be
finished at a certain time, but the chassan and kallah came out
of the yichud room 20 minutes late,
so everything was delayed.
By the way, the customer can always
ask for a separate video without women dancing for the men in the family to
watch. I understand the sensitivities of the religious community, and it is not
difficult to prepare. There is no extra charge for that.
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Dena of Details by Dena
Don’t leave anything for the day of
the wedding! Leaving even the smallest task (sewing on a button) or a larger
task (airport pickups) can cause unnecessary stress when time is short and you
are on someone else’s schedule. Plan to be ready earlier than necessary
and communicate with all family members as well as vendors that you are
preparing to leave/arrive at an earlier time. This way, when – not if – something causes your schedule to be derailed, you
have extra time built-in.
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* *
Yaakov
Simanowitz of Y Events and Catering
Here is some advice when making a simcha: Lists are important to
stay organized, and bring copies of the timeline for the caterer. Any
information (such as seating or vendors) that can be sent to the caterer ahead
of time is a good idea. Often the baalei
simcha forget their lists in the hurry, but the caterer has a backup copy!
Also, the caterer has a specific eye to see issues in timeline, seating, etc.,
ahead of time, so when you send it, it could be a double check. When the
caterer is equipped with these lists, the caterer can handle many questions
without needing to ask you. Additionally, the women should start hair and
makeup as early as they can; there’s no such thing as too early. Rarely is a
family just calmly waiting around with free time the day of the simcha!
In terms of place cards vs. seating boards: Recently, more people
are opting for seating boards. Just be aware that people tend to stay if they
see a seating board, even if they did not RSVP, so expect that your numbers may
have increased from those you gave the caterer, and you may get charged for
that.
Each caterer in town has a different model of what they charge:
base price plus extra, or flat fee, or price per person. Roughly, they are all
going to be similar. It is a good idea to talk to references about their
experience with that caterer for that type of event. Ask the references for the
final price they paid for the event above the initial quote. As for upgrades,
not every upgrade makes sense in every shul/venue. The caterers can guide you
as they do many jobs at each venue in town. Also, if you know which vendors you
want, call them early. Baltimore has grown, with multiple events each night, so
it can be hard to get all the vendors you want. I personally have called
vendors even a year before a bar mitzvah to put a soft hold on the date!
For food choices, I recommend asking the caterer for
recommendations. The truth is, at your simcha you are too busy to even eat
properly, so stick with crowd pleasers.
What about special diets? A caterer can usually meet the needs of
a special diet, but please let them know ahead of time. When the food is
already prepped and cooked, it is hard to meet the needs of
allergies. Additionally, please mark the table number of the special diet
meal, or have the person walk over to the kitchen after the rest of the guests
are served. The standard meals are served first, then the kids meals, and
then the special diet foods.
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Gary Honick of Kol Chayim Orchestra
Things to consider when shopping for an
orchestra:
1) Your tastes are unique to you. How receptive is
the orchestra to your wishes, instructions, and requests? How flexible is the
orchestra in meeting your expectations? Is the orchestra willing and able to
work with you, to make suggestions if desired, and to help achieve exactly the
right tone and ambience for your simcha? One size does not necessarily fit all!
2) Is the orchestra flexible regarding the
number of players in the group and the number of hours it’s willing to play?
Are there minimums? Are there maximums?
3) Is the orchestra willing to follow your
instructions as to the volume level? And what happens if you tell the orchestra
that they’re playing too loudly? Will the orchestra be willing to adjust?
4) If you request music that is not
currently in the orchestra’s repertoire, is the orchestra willing and able to
learn it?
5) Does the orchestra bring all its own
amplification, microphones, PA system, and wiring? Is that all included in the
orchestra’s fee?
6) What is the orchestra’s experience? What instruments do the musicians
play? Can the orchestra adapt, both by their instruments and their personnel,
to different musical styles and genres?
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* *
Binyamin Guttman: Singer
If you have any special songs in
mind for your big day, I’d love to incorporate them. Just send them my way
early. Unlike reading sheet music, mastering the lyrics and emotion takes a
little extra time. We feed off the crowd for energy, so the more leibedik the dancing is, the better job
we are doing.
Having a small kumzits at the end of the second dance
is becoming more popular. As a chassan,
please feel free to take the mic and shine. This is your day!
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Shirah Wealcatch of Liylah
If you want a calm, effortless wedding day – one where you feel like the
very best version of yourself – it starts with intention, with knowing that
every detail, especially what you wear, has been chosen not just for beauty but
for meaning and comfort.
If you’ve ever attended an event in a stunning but painfully
uncomfortable pair of heels, you know the feeling: the beauty fades into the
background as discomfort takes over. You stop thinking about the moment and
start counting down the minutes until you can go home. All you truly wish for
in those moments is to be comfortable.
When it comes to something as meaningful as your wedding or a family
member’s wedding, presence is everything. And presence begins with peace of
mind, the quiet confidence that comes from knowing you did everything to show
up as the most elegant, respectful, and comfortable version of yourself. That’s
why at Liylah, we look beyond the gown. We consider the entire evening: the way
two families will be seen side by side. We make sure your vision is cohesive,
elegant, and effortless. We ask questions before simply pulling a gown for you
to try on. Where is the venue? Who are your makeup artists and hair stylists? Tell
me about the other family. We make sure no one feels overdone and never under thought.
We design with transformation in mind: detachable capes and transformed
sleeves; sleek silhouettes that evolve after the chupa; a tailored sleeve that becomes a soft bubble; a sweeping
ball gown that changes to a simple, elegant A-line; invisible zippers, hidden
construction, thoughtful tailoring. These aren’t just design details. They’re
quiet luxuries that let you move, dance, and breathe.
We ask the questions others don’t. Because this isn’t just about a
garment. It’s about how you’ll remember feeling in it and how your presence
will ensure you own the night!
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Joseph Leibovitch of Simcha Couture
The engagement period is filled with joy and excitement. It is also a very
sensitive time for both the chassan
and kallah and both sets of parents.
My advice to the chassan and kallah is to respect and validate each
other’s needs, likes, and dislikes. Letting one’s future mate choose the bag
they want or a specific tallis means
a lot. A kallah may want a particular
setting for her ring or a certain style of dishes. All these things may seem
unimportant to you, but it shows the other person that you care about them and
want them to be happy in your future home.
My advice for parents is to be supportive of the young couple and give
them clear monetary limits for gifts. Once you have set the tone, let go, and
let them figure things out on their own. The less involved a parent is, the
better equipped the couple will be for living life together.
I named my store Simcha Couture because it makes me happy to be involved
in people’s simchas. It hurts me to hear a father say, “I did not get a leather bag for my bar mitzvah!” Yes, styles and standards have changed, but if it
is within the budget and it means a lot to the boy, then it may be worth the
money.
I was once speaking to a kallah’s
mother who has many children. She was not a person of means to say the least. I
was so impressed when she told me, “My son-in-law wants leather, and I will not
say a thing about it.” It was not her style, and it was more expensive, but she
understood that it would elevate the simcha and her relationship with her
future son-in-law.
To summarize, just think about the other person and do what is within
your means to make them happy. They will reciprocate and that is true shalom bayis.
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Aliza of Sheitel Consignment of
Baltimore
At Sheitel Consignment, we make a shidduch
between women who want to sell their sheitels and women who want to buy them! People
ask me why people consign their sheitels. There are many reasons. Maybe the color,
style, or cap size doesn’t work anymore, or perhaps she needs extra cash to
purchase another wig.
Why buy a consignment sheitel? Here, a woman has the opportunity to acquire
a sheitel that is new for her for less than a third of the cost of a new
sheitel. When a kallah gets engaged, one of her biggest purchases is a wig. Here, she can buy two wigs for below $1200. We carry high
quality brand names, such as Sary, Irenes, Kiki, Miri, Renaissance, Dinis, Shevys,
and more. We have a wide variety of skintops, lacetops, lacefronts, and
bandfalls.
For many kallahs, covering her
hair is one of the most stressful parts of getting married. There is
always the fear that the sheitel will be uncomfortable and she will not want to
wear it. Our sheitels are already washed and freshly set. They have been cut, colored, and styled so that women can see exactly how it
will look and feel. After paying a deposit, a perspective client can bring
the sheitel to her sheitel macher to
make sure it is a good purchase.
Women feel very comfortable in our private, “no pressure” environment. Many
bring their friends or relatives along. Selling or buying a sheitel by
consignment is a win-win for everyone! Come and check us out: 267-210-7478.
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Très
Chic Bridal
Congratulations to all the brides
and families! This is such a fun and exciting time leading up to the big day.
But we also know it can be a little stressful. It’s so easy to get caught up in
the whirlwind of wedding day logistics and forget to actually enjoy the moment.
My first tip? Take a step back and
really soak it all in these moments that are once-in-a-lifetime. Here at Très
Chic Bridal, we want every bride to enjoy not just the wedding day but the
entire journey. Our goal is to make the bridal process smooth and stress free,
so when your big day arrives, you can truly relax and focus on the joy of the
moment.
My second tip would be to start
the day early and give yourself extra time. A relaxed morning sets the tone for
the whole day.
The third and most important tip
is, don’t forget to eat and stay hydrated! A well-fed, refreshed bride is a
happy one. Let Très Chic Bridal help you look and feel like the bride you’ve
always dreamed of being.
At Très Chic Gown Rentals, our
showroom is your one-stop shop for everyone in the wedding party. From stunning
bridal gowns to looks for moms, bridesmaids, and guests – we carry all
different styles in every color and silhouette to suit every role and every
vision. Our all-inclusive Très Chic Bridal rental package includes a couture
gown, veil, headpiece, expert alterations, and professional cleaning – plus,
our in-house seamstress ensures the perfect fit. We’re also excited to unveil
our exclusive new line, the Bridal Atelier Collection, debuting at our Grand
Opening on June 25 at our new boutique: 712 Reisterstown Road. This fashion
forward collection is designed to elevate your bridal look with chic style and
elegance. From timeless classics to trending styles, Très Chic Gown Rentals has
everything you need to make your special day stylish, seamless, and
unforgettable. Your dream day starts at Très Chic.
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Rabbi Mayer Kleiner of Owings
Mills Synagogue, Inc.
Ateres Elka, in Owings Mills, has become one of the most popular halls
for chasanas. Here are some questions
to ask those in charge of any hall you are considering:
1) How much before the simcha starts does the hall let you get ready? Some
halls give you the whole day; some do not.
2) Is the entire floor a dance floor, or is the dance floor something that
is put down? This type of floor is much more limiting in space, but at a
minimum, you should know the size.
3) It is important to check the alcohol policies of the hall before you
book.
4) Compare what you are getting at any halls you are considering; for
example, how many hours are included.
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Bella Boutique
1) What gifts are customarily
given to a bride? Generally, a bride is given a kallah bracelet when the chassan
and kallah get engaged. The current
trend in engagements is to present the kallah
with both natural and lab diamond bracelet options, allowing her to choose
according to her preference. Following that, she is given an engagement ring,
and at the wedding, she is given a yichud
room gift. Right now, a kallah
necklace is trending as the yichud
room gift. I’ve also had mothers-in-law come buy earrings for the kallah during the engagement, but that’s
certainly considered an “extra.”
2) What is the difference between
natural and lab jewelry? Natural diamonds are mined from the earth; lab
diamonds are grown in labs using a technology that replicates the natural
diamond growth process. Bella Boutique carries a full line of kallah jewelry in both natural and lab
diamonds.
3) Can you tell the difference
when looking at the item? It is not possible to determine whether a diamond
is natural or lab from looking at it with the naked eye.
4) What are the advantages and
disadvantages of purchasing one or the other? The advantage of lab diamonds
is that they are generally clear diamonds, and you can buy something
with a bigger carat weight for less money. Typically, the higher the diamond
weight, the bigger the cost difference between natural and lab. The
disadvantage is that lab diamonds typically have a lower resale value. Also,
some view them as less prestigious due to their man-made nature.
5) What tips would you give to a family buying gifts for a kallah? My advice in terms of buying lab vs.
natural diamond jewelry is to ask the kallah
what she wants! Just because the mother-in-law has a preference of one type of
diamond over the other does not mean the kallah
will feel the same way. The kallah
might want jewelry with bigger lab diamonds or jewelry with smaller
natural diamonds. Let the kallah
decide!
