by R. Kay
There are several situations in
life that chazal refer to as “kasheh k’krias yam suf.” One is finding a match and another is
Parnassa. The common denominator is the
sense of desperation we sometimes feel in these situations, and, after our tefillos
are answered, the recognition that the (sometimes highly improbable)
circumstances that converged to bring about the Yeshua were Divinely
orchestrated.
Interestingly, these two challenges
go hand in hand when financial arrangements for the wedding and support for the
newlyweds cause new financial pressures. This is more than likely for a typical
frum family with children close in age who get married in rapid succession.
Unfortunately, community standards
have risen over the past several decades, and it has become increasingly
difficult to stick to the timeless values that our grandparents lived by, such
as “Don’t spend more than you can afford,” and “Keep your eyes on your own
plate.” To be fair, the main reason middle-class simchas these days are not as
simple as they used to be is probably because life itself is not as simple as
it used to be. Our lives are much more hectic, and many of us are stretched to
our limits by our daily obligations. Therefore, putting together a nice family
Shabbos for the aufruf or Shabbos sheva brachos usually requires
some level of outsourcing, which has raised the price – and the bar.
Regardless of the challenges
involved, many people who were not blessed with wealth make several chasanas
within a few years. How is that possible?
This million-dollar question – along
with general questions about the economic viability of an average or above-average
size frum family – echoes Mark Twain’s bafflement when he asked about
the survival of the Jewish people, “What is the secret of their immortality?”
There is no accurate answer without
bringing Hashem into the picture. Many people need to borrow money to pay for
weddings, but not everyone sinks into deep debt, and there are some people who,
it seems, have a special bank account in Shamayim for simchas. Though we
live in a world that runs according to laws of nature, there will always be an
element of the supernatural that defines our existence.
Most of the time, financial
assistance for a simcha is hidden in a completely natural form, such as an
interest-free loan offered by a friend or relative or a check from the IRS that
arrives exactly when a large bill is due; other times, the hashgacha pratis is
only thinly veiled. We have all heard miraculous stories of how our destitute
brethren in Eretz Yisrael, who live with the barest minimum, received the help
they needed to marry off their children. We may live in chutz la’aretz with
a higher standard of living, but the same hashgachas Hashem operates in
the entire world, and these types of stories have happened in Baltimore
as well!
The following anecdotes of how
Hashem helped Baltimoreans pay for chasana expenses occurred during the
past 20 years. Names and details have been changed to protect privacy.
*
* *
Rabbi F. learned with a chavrusa
every night in a small shul in the Park Heights area. Although there
were other regulars who frequented the shul between eight and ten
o’clock in the evening, most of them were men in their twenties and thirties
with young families, while Rabbi F. was several years older and already had
children of marriageable age. However, his eldest daughter had already been dating
for a few years without success. Of course, Rabbi F. was davening for a
shidduch for his daughter, but, at the same time, he was thankful to be spared
the financial burdens involved in marrying her off, as he had a large family,
low income, and no savings to speak of.
One
wintery night, the door of the shul opened, and a distinguished member
of the community walked in, scanned the room, approached Rabbi F. and
asked him if any of his children were getting married soon. Since his daughter
was dating at the time and the shidduch looked promising, Rabbi F.
replied, “I hope so.”
“Well,
let me know by next week, because there is someone who would like to sponsor a chasana
in honor of his daughter’s wedding and I thought of you.”
Baruch
Hashem, by the
following week Rabbi F.’s daughter was engaged, and he was able to celebrate
fully without worrying about how he would pay for the wedding expenses.
*
* *
The L. family was able to afford
the daily cost of living without any trouble, but extra expenses were difficult
to manage. Nevertheless, with Hashem’s help, they cut down as much as possible
and married off their first two children to like-minded families with more than
a year of breathing space in between. To their surprise, the next girl in line got
engaged to the first boy she met only a few months after her sister’s marriage!
Thankful for their blessings, Mrs. L. reserved a local hall with the most
economical catering package that was available.
A few days after making the
reservation, the L’s got a call from the hall manager with an unusual – and
generous – proposition. A different family had reserved the hall for a date
three weeks prior to the L’s date and wanted to cancel. If the L’s took over
the contract before it was officially canceled, they could use the forfeited
deposit fee of a few thousand dollars towards their daughter’s wedding!
True, a shorter engagement would
create a bit of additional pressure, but after discussing the situation with
the mechutanim, the wedding date was pushed up. Needless to say, the chassan
and kallah were delighted, and the story of their bargain wedding
added to the simcha of the occasion.
*
* *
Rabbi M. was a beloved elementary
school rebbi who was marrying off his eighth child. Shortly before the engagement was announced,
it became clear that the mechutanim expected a greater financial
commitment than he was able to afford. Out of the blue, an old friend
approached Rabbi M. asking for assistance; his friend wanted to start a kollel-style
halacha review program, and he thought that Rabbi M. would be the perfect
person to spearhead the project. And the sponsor was offering the exact amount
of money that Rabbi M. needed to the dollar!
It is this writer’s hope that
readers will be inspired by these examples that show, just as happened
at Kriyas Yam Suf, “Yeshuas Hashem k’heref ayin – Hashem’s salvation
comes in the blink of an eye.”
