A quiet movement was initiated by and for Orthodox women who are doing the holy task of helping those at the end-of-life, working with the deceased, and caring for the bereaved. Most people run the other way when this topic is raised; not so the more than 100 women who eagerly came on the first Sunday and Monday in May to the inaugural Vital Voices Conference, organized by Core – Jewish Women’s Leadership and Community Support Network, a global nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering Jewish women in communal leadership roles.
The mission of Core,
whose CEO is Alia Bulow, is to build leadership infrastructure for the Jewish
world. It connects, develops, and supports women in communal service so they
can stay and grow in those roles, and through them grow stronger. Core supports
14 different “communities of practice,” ranging from the community of
rebbetzins to kallah teachers to those who support the dying and
bereaved.
Women from all
over the world traveled to attend the first conference of its kind to
collaborate, share, network, and support one another. This gathering was guided
by our Torah values and hashkafa and included a panoply of outstanding
speakers who are professionals in their field.
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Elissa Felder
chaired the conference and is also the coordinator of the Core communities of
practice. It was evident by the seamless functioning of the conference that a
tremendous amount of work and thought had been poured into the two days we were
privileged to experience.
Keynote speakers
included Rabbi Daniel Rose, the rav of Bnai Jacob Shaarei Zion in
Baltimore, who is also a wise and experienced hospital chaplain who deals with
end-of-life issues daily. Another keynote speaker was Rebbetzin Peshi
Neuberger, noted rebbetzin of Beth Abraham in Bergenfield, New Jersey, who
spoke on tefilla. In addition, it was an honor to hear from Mrs. Debbie
Gross, a psychologist and end-of-life doula from Israel.
Attendees
included women from chevra kadisha, rebbetzins, physicians and nurses,
palliative care specialists, social workers, therapists, grief counselors,
funeral directors, and chaplains, including the director of the Jewish
Chaplaincy of Gratz College. Chaya Lasson, Director of Jewish Hospice and Palliative
Care at BridgingLife, and Tova Jussim, Aging Life Care
Manager at Care Matters for You, were among the several Baltimoreans.
Also present were
organizations that work in these areas, such as Links, which helps children who
lose a parent, and Our Tapestry, which cares for bereaved mothers. Chai
Lifeline was there, as well as Knafayim, an organization that supports those who
have had perinatal loss. A TIME, another organization dealing with fertility
and pregnancy loss participated. Nechama Comfort, which also assists those
dealing with pregnancy and infant loss, was there as well. Its founder, Reva
Judas, is the leader of the Core community of practice for the supporters of
the bereaved. This was just a smattering of the many incredible organizations
that provide support.
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The conference
was framed around the journey of a fictional woman, Miriam, who was diagnosed
with a terminal disease, and over the course of the two days, panels of
frontline workers covered the stages of her journey through palliative care,
hospice care, the chevra kadisha, and caring for the bereaved.
Core was able to
bring together a diverse group under the wide umbrella of Orthodoxy, from
modern Orthodox to chasidish. The religious spectrum was a beautiful
show of unity and respect by those sharing the same mission of helping people
at a critical time in the cycle of life.
The energy was
electric. Finally, women in this delicate line of work were given the chance to
speak and be heard, to learn and to teach. It was an incredible opportunity to
meet experts in the varied disciplines as well. The joy in meeting face to face
with others who live on opposite sides of the world – five women flew in from
Australia – was palpable. Of course, all the new friendships formed and
connections made were part of the excitement. The feeling among the women was that
this was a unique conference where everyone was able to be vulnerable and
honest. There was no competition, just a genuine desire to learn from and with
each other.
The conference concluded not only with new knowledge
and support but with a deeper sense of mission. As one woman said, “This was a
recharge for my soul and a beautiful reminder of the purpose behind the work I
do.” Participants left inspired to carry what they had learned back to their
own communities – to recognize what is missing, what is needed, and how they can
help create more compassionate systems of care and support for those navigating
death and loss.
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Everyone comes to this holy work with a story. For
many, a personal loss was the catalyst that drew them into caring for the
dying, honoring the deceased, and supporting the bereaved. Beneath the learning
and connection was a shared understanding that pain can be transformed into
purpose.
As someone who
suffered the loss of a parent at an early age and currently coordinates the
Baltimore branch of Links, an organization for those who have suffered from
parental loss, this was my place, and these were my people. It
not only felt normal to be with others who are passionate about what many
people consider a sad situation, it was also incredibly empowering.
It was an honor
to meet the women of klal Yisrael who step into the space of the
vulnerable and view it as sacred. Rather than looking at the end of life as the
closing of a door, we can reframe it to see it as the opening of another one
into another phase of life. Death is a birth into the next world.
I can’t wait to
see what fruits will be born from this conference. I look forward to the next
one. If you are involved in any of these helping areas, please check out
coretorah.org.
Judy Landman is an early childhood
educator and a branch leader of the Baltimore division of Links. She is the
author of Seasons of the Rain, a collection of
poetry for the Jewish woman, available on Amazon. Judy is currently working on
a book for the Jewish grieving child. She can be reached at
Seasonsoftherain@gmail.com.
