Among the many Baltimoreans who made dramatic changes in their lives when they began to keep the mitzvos are two women who rejected the drama – literally. I recently had the opportunity to speak with Sheina Ettel Menda and Lindsay Feldman, both of whom were immersed in theater and headed for careers in that exciting field.
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Sheina
Ettel Menda
Last winter, our many women
participated in putting on a spectacular performance of Mary Poppins. One of the main actresses and singers was Sheina
Ettel Menda, who gave up gave up a career in singing and acting to become a frum Jew.
Sheina
Ettel comes from a very musical family. Her father played in a band, and her
mother played the piano. Living in an upstate New York town called
Schuylerville, she was part of the Child Community Theater and acted and sang
in several musicals. She started voice lessons when she was eight and was
always singing and acting from a very young age. In fact, she was in 50 musicals from age six to 21 and was the star in half of them.
The family belonged to a temple and
had a very strong Jewish identity. One incident had a strong influence on that
identity. “I attended a public school, and hanging in the hallway was a picture
of the crucifixion,” said Sheina Ettel. “My parents came to school and saw that
picture; when the school refused to take it down, they brought a lawsuit against
the school regarding separation of church and state. This brought us to the
attention of the Klu Klux Clan and Al Sharpton. There was no question that we
were Jewish with a capital J. Ironically, the hatred of our Jewishness cemented
my Jewish identity.”
Sheina Ettel’s journey to Torah
observant Judaism began in college, where she majored in music. “I went on a Birthright
trip to Israel between my second and third year. Our non-religious group did
not have enough participants, so we joined a modern Orthodox trip. That was the
first time I got to know observant people. I did not know that there was an
action component of Judaism. One of the students on the birthright trip asked
me if I wanted to learn more about Judaism. At first, I was highly insulted,
but then I realized that I really did want to learn. That was the beginning of
my journey. Eventually I attended a school in Israel called Nishmat and
eventually made aliyah.”
Sheina Ettel soon learned that
Orthodox women do not perform in front of men and that she would be limited as
to where she could practice her music. “Accepting that fact was a gradual
process,” said Sheina Ettel, “At first, I convinced myself that all those laws
were not relevant to me. After I kept Shabbos and kashrus for a while, I began
to realize that they did. Mitzvah goreres mitzvah; one mitzvah leads to another.”
While at Nishmat, she attended a
panel discussion led by a group of rabbis. “I asked the panel what to do if a
person has a talent that doesn’t fit into halachic practice. I was crying
throughout the lecture. Then I gave over the whole package to Hashem. I said,
‘You gave me this talent; now You tell me how I can use it.’”
While in Israel, Sheina Ettel
performed many times in women-only performances. “After I got married and had
children, I got busy with life. I realized that singing is not the only thing
that makes me, me. I have many other talents, and I can use them. Everything
has its right time and right place.”
Sheina Ettel enjoyed performing in
the Mary Poppins play. “It was lots
of fun and a great opportunity. It also took a lot of time and effort. It was a
wonderful opportunity to use my talent for the women of the community, but
singing is not such a central part of my life anymore. I appreciate every
talent that I have and consider it a gift.”
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Lindsay
Feldman
I had never met Lindsay, but when I
attended the Simchas Esther performance before Purim, which she directed, Judy
Neuberger, head of Simchas Esther, introduced me to her. To my great surprise
she told me that she considers my brother, Rabbi E, her rabbi. My brother works
for an organization called Me’or on the NYU college campus. That piqued
my interest. How did Lindsay get to know my brother, and where did she get the
skill to direct the Simchas Esther performance so professionally?
Kindly, Lindsay, agreed to be
interviewed. It was exciting to hear about kiruv
from the perspective of the kiruvee, rather than the kiruver, and
it was interesting to hear about Lindsay’s transformation from an NYU college
student majoring in educational theater to a member of our Baltimore community.
Lindsey was born in New Jersey to
an intermarried couple. She spoke very highly of her parents. Although her
father is not Jewish, they were members of a Conservative synagogue and were
very connected to Judaism. She had a bat mitzvah, but she knew very little
about halachic observance. Lindsay’s family loved theater and acting, so it was
a natural choice for her to major in educational theater. At college she
studied drama, acting, set design, lighting, costume design, and teaching drama
to children. Here are Lindsay thoughts in her own words:
Devora: So how did a theater major become
attracted to Torah Judaism?
Lindsay:
I got an email for
a free trip to Israel and that got me interested. I had to go for an interview
to be accepted for the trip, and that is when I met Rabbi E. To go on the trip,
the students had to become part of the Maimonides program, which consisted of a
Torah class once a week that included dinner and attendance at two Shabbatons during the
semester. I was very busy with my theater classes, so I only attended one Shabbaton, but Rabbi E. let me come
on the trip anyway.
The students on the trip attended
Torah classes in the morning and went on trips in the afternoons and evenings.
The girls went to Neve. The classes were amazing. I especially enjoyed the
classes on the aleph beis by Rabbi
Yaakov Marcus, which he has been teaching for many years. It was the first time
I was exposed to the spirituality of Judaism.
D: I’m surprised that the students
agreed to attend Torah classes on their free trip to Israel.
L: We were all members of the
Maimonides program in New York and knew what to expect. That trip got the gears
turning for me. I also met my husband, although we didn’t get married until
five years later.
D: How did a trip to Israel and a few
classes at Neve turn a nonreligious theater major into a religious woman?
L: Rabbi E’s secret power is that he
never gave up on me. I was busy and involved with all my college activities,
but he continually reached out to me and urged me to attend other
programs. He always called me by my
Hebrew name, Leba Rochel, and he kept encouraging me. Slowly, I decided to
become shomer Shabbos and to keep
other mitzvot.
D: So many aspects of acting do not
go with the role of a woman in Judaism. How were you willing to give up so much
of your life plan?
L: I always knew that if I was going
to commit to Orthodoxy, I would have to give up some things, but it was a
gradual process. At first, I thought I would walk to the theater on Friday
nights instead of driving. Little by little I figured out what I could do.
After I finished college, I studied in Israel at Midreshet Rochel. There were auditions for a musical in English.
It was a shomer Shabbos group of
people, but they had female performers. I wasn’t sure what to do. I called
Rabbi E and he said to me, “If you are asking, you probably already know the
answer.” No pushing or lecturing, just a gentle push so that I could make my
own decision. In the end, I helped at the musical behind the scenes but did not
have an acting role.
D: How do you feel about giving up
so much for Torah-true Judaism?
L: At the end of the day, I don’t
feel like I gave up all that much. There are moments when I miss performing and
working in “traditional” non-frum
theatrical settings, but the lifestyle of a performer is not one that I tend to
envy. The endless auditions and rejections, the working multiple gig-jobs
to stay afloat with hopes of “making it” – that life was never for me. I love
musical theater so much, and I do wish there were more kosher opportunities to
participate in it, but I gained so much more from a Torah-true lifestyle than I
lost in giving up life as a “starving artist.” My family sees it differently
though; they took my becoming frum
really hard, and I know my parents still mourn the life I “could have had.”
Plus, being onstage is just one small aspect of making theater magical! Since
becoming frum, I’ve directed and
written a few theatrical pieces, which has been just as (if not more!)
fulfilling than being on stage.
D: Has your theatrical training led
to any other opportunities?
L: Seven years ago, I took a teaching
position as a theater director in a local public school, and though mounting
full productions and teaching acting to teens was artistically fulfilling, the
school wasn’t happy with my “personal conflicts” – also known as being Shabbos
observant. No amount of theater-making could make a toxic environment like that
worth it, so I left. That was another turning point for me – realizing that my
home and spiritual life were much more important to me than a career that was “perfect
on paper.” I ended up pivoting to the culinary arts and taught cooking for five
years at a different school, which was an absolute blast, and I still
collaborated with the school’s theater department whenever I could. (It pays to
have a frum Jew helping out with wigs
for a production!)
D: How do you look back at the
changes in your life?
L: I can’t imagine what my life
would be like had I not taken that free trip to Israel. That’s where I met my
husband, and together we have three beautiful boys, k”h. We have spent precious time learning in Eretz Yisrael both
single and married. Torah helped me refocus my priorities on what really
matters. I haven’t always felt this way, but 12 years into being fully shomer Shabbos, I can say that I’ve
absolutely gained more than I’ve lost. Plus, a background in theater gave me so
much more than just a potential job in the arts. It taught me how to be a good
storyteller and improviser, how to view the world from multiple perspectives,
and how to appreciate the “drama” of everyday life.
There are certainly times I miss
living in proximity to NY theater and my sister, who’s a budding Broadway
actress, but I see theater locally whenever I can, and I treasure opportunities
like Simchas Esther that keep me connected to the art. A friend of mine directs
a yearly production in Chicago that features song, dance, and the spoken word
all centered around a Jewish theme; I’d love to start something like that here
in Baltimore!
D: Do you have any regrets?
L: This is a very tough question! On
the one hand, no, because I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now! But I
do wish I had spent a bit more time learning about the producing and technical
directing end of things so that I could have more experience making my own
productions for the Jewish community. Of course, I look back at my pre-frum days and think “I should have done
more improv” or “I wish I had gone on more auditions before I became frum,” but hindsight is 20/20, and I was
clearly on a journey!
