I don't have any major problems. Thank G-d, I and my family are healthy, the children are doing well, and we have a decent livelihood. That’s why I am ashamed to admit that I am not happy. Before I got married, I expected to feel great intimacy with my husband. As it turns out, the nature of his business is such that he is always on call and is rarely able to join us for a picnic or trip. I feel that he take me for granted and doesn’t really respect me. My children are at an age when they don’t need me much. At one time I had a great desire to be in real estate sales, but I gave up that dream long ago. I go through the days mechanically. I think I’m headed for depression. What do you suggest?
Feeling Low
Dear Feeling Low,
Could it be that your feelings of joylessness and low self-worth have their source in the unfulfilled desires that you have stored in the back of your mind, pushed aside in order to raise a family? Well, now is the time to take out your dreams and realistically look at your options. There are real estate courses that can be taken during the day when the children are at school. It may take you a little longer to finish, but in the end you will have that piece of paper.
Calmly discuss with your husband your interest in doing something for yourself. He may not even be aware of how you feel. This should be done without recriminations or complaints about how he doesn’t respect you. Many times, when women start school, they see a change in their husbands’ attitudes towards them, and wonder whether the change is in the husbands o in the women themselves , as a result of their new self-images. I have seen numerous occasions when the children are very proud that their mother has gone back to school and will show their willingness to pitch in and help by hanging up their clothes, setting the table, etc. You will find that when you study for attest and come back with a high mark the kids are very excited.
As for your husband, the time that you spend with him can be more qualitative time, because instead of complaints, you will have subjects of interest to talk about. His renewed willingness to talk to you will be pleasurable to you both.
All this can be brought about by you. You have in your hands the ability to get rid of the feelings on anonymity and unhappiness that have always lurked under the surface. You can be a true akeres habayis (pillar of the home) in the sense that your husband and children will see a contented, self-respecting, competent woman with a desire to live each day to the fullest. Have nachas.
