On my most recent trip to Brooklyn to visit my daughter and son-in-law, I realized I didn’t have my EZ-Pass with me. I wouldn’t have thought that driving without an EZ pass could be so absurdly challenging, but somehow, keeping an eye out for toll booths and navigating my way was more difficult than I thought. Normally, a family member or a stranger who posted for a ride would help me with this new divided attention task, but alas, this time I was driving solo.
On
the plus side, even though I was traveling alone, I was able to establish a
better relationship with my GPS lady. She not only kept me apprised of the
speed traps along the way but also offered her reassurances when traffic slowed
down to a crawl by telling me that we were “still on the fastest route.” I’m
not really sure how I would’ve managed to get off the highway while surrounded
by cars on every side if I hadn’t been on the fastest route, but luckily in the
cases where I did hit traffic, it seems that going five mph was as good as it
was going to get.
With the GPS lady by my side, the main
thing my attention was focused on were the police cars lurking along the side
of the highway. Fortunately, I have some experience in this matter since I take
the 695 to work every day. Due to the construction that has finally sprung to
life after sitting dormant for close to a year, speed zones and speed traps
have been set up. The speed traps consist of strategically placed police cars
on each side of the inner and outer loop. Fortunately for those of us who are
inclined to avoid getting a speeding ticket, the large police SUVs that they’ve
chosen to mount the speed cameras on are “hidden” behind a port-a-potty. I kid
you not. It’s kind of like playing hide-and-seek with a hippopotamus who’s
hiding behind a flagpole. I have yet to receive a speeding ticket.
After traveling for about an hour,
I crossed the state line where I was enthusiastically welcomed by the state of
Delaware. Normally, I would’ve considered it a sign of hospitality, but in this
case I didn’t. You see, about 500 feet after passing the lovely, large blue
sign that greeted me was a toll booth. It was kind of like going to visit a
grandchild, and the first thing they ask is “What did you bring me?” Well, in
this case, I brought Delaware five dollars. Fortunately, I had cash on
me, which was nothing short of a miracle. Unfortunately for everyone else, my
toll booth skills have atrophied over the years, as evidenced by the long line
of cars that piled up behind me. For those of you who haven’t had to come to a
complete stop while rolling down your window and fumbling for your wallet all
at the same time, my advice to you is make sure you don’t forget your EZ-Pass.
Soon after, I crossed the Delaware
Memorial Bridge into the great state of New Jersey. One of the advantages of
driving in New Jersey is that you don’t have to pump your own gas. I wouldn’t
recommend traveling to New Jersey simply to avail yourself of this service, but
if you happen to be there, it’s nice to take advantage of it. Another reason I
like to pull off the New Jersey turnpike into a rest stop is that it affords me
the opportunity to learn about a famous person I’ve never heard of. This time I
stopped at the Joyce Kilmer rest stop. In addition to being a man, Mr. Kilmer seems
to have been quite an upstanding citizen. He voluntarily served in the armed forces
during WW1 and was also a poet and a literary critic. He not only has a rest
stop named after him but also a forest in North Carolina. This is quite apropos
since his most famous poem is entitled, “Trees.” History lesson aside, my main
focus after using the facilities was to visit the food mart. These 7-Eleven
style mini-markets have all types of non-nutritional, overpriced, sugary snacks
that for some reason are more tempting when you’re traveling. After perusing
the candy section, I spotted my favorite, M&Ms. I was appalled at the
price. They were so ridiculously expensive that I almost didn’t buy two of them.
Now,
because the NJ turnpike is so long, there are multiple tolls along the way that
have overhead electronic sensors that I usually fly through. However, due to my
EZ-Pass status, I had to stop at an actual toll booth to take one of those
tickets that has a little hole-punch mark that shows where I got on the
highway. I carefully tucked the ticket into the visor above the windshield in
front of me, making sure it was accessible at the end of my journey when I
would need to pay my toll. Now my only job for the next 100 miles was to watch
out for police vehicles.
Over two hours later, as I rounded
the home stretch of the New Jersey turnpike, I was lulled out of my M&M
induced trance by my GPS lady, who was directing me to “Bear left toward Staten
Island and the Goethels Bridge.” For some reason, the suddenness of her voice
threw me into a momentary panic causing me to forget my left from my right. Not
being able to rely on my directional sense, I had to crane my neck to check the
signage. In doing so, I completely forgot about my situation and sailed right
through the EZ-Pass ONLY lane. Of course, the red sign immediately came on
informing me of my misstep. Although I expected to hear the wail of a police
siren coming to arrest me, it seems the only consequence is a fine that gets
tacked onto the ticket I would receive later in the mail.
My return trip home was fraught
with fewer mishaps. I had one little toll booth glitch in Delaware, plus I made
a short stop because I got tired and needed to take a quick nap. I’ve
discovered over the years of driving back and forth to NY that one of my
superpowers is I can put my head down on the steering wheel, fall asleep
instantly and nap for 15 minutes. This leaves me bright-eyed and bushy tailed
with enough energy to make it the rest of the way home. For those of you that have
never done this, I highly recommend it. My only suggestion is that you pull off
the highway first.
All in all, it was a good trip. One
thing I’ve learned is that it’s important to have someone to travel with. But,
let’s face it, when push came to shove, my GPS lady came through for me. Maybe
she wasn’t the best conversationalist, but she got me to where I was going, and
best of all, I didn’t have to share my M&Ms with her.
