Last month, we primarily discussed how crucial it is to be sure that when one is presented with a shidduch idea for feedback one’s response is substantive and thoughtful, and never purely reactionary. We concluded by noting that the most proper way to make decisions about a shidduch is via meaningful information that comes as a result of appropriate shidduch research.

Fair Warning and Keeping Current

Now that we have reached the topic of shidduch research, there are a number of items I would like to share regarding how to do so successfully. The first items pertain to the single young men and women themselves and their parents. From there, we will move into a number of matters concerning those receiving shidduch calls, including how to best respond to the questions one has been asked and how to properly present the information one is asked about. This series will continue in the upcoming issue of the Where What When, where we will conclude with a discussion relating to those making shidduch research calls, and how to do so most productively.

Worrying is part and parcel of the Jewish mother’s psyche. We worry about ISIS taking over the world, and we worry that the sanitation workers will forget to take our recycling. If Moshe gets a tooth at the early age of three months, we worry if that tooth will be healthy. If Shloimy has no teeth at eight months, we worry once again.

Esty is so busy socializing with her many friends, she won’t do well in school. On the other hand, Baila has so few friends that we worry about her social standing. We worry that Chaim is working too hard, putting in overtime at his new job, and we worry about Yitzchak, who only has a part-time job and a family to support.

What would you say if I told you a “holy man” had promised me I was set to win the lottery as long as I gave $25,000 to tzedaka? Not convinced? Well, what if I told you that this “mekubal” also happens to know some very deserving people I could give my money to? And not only that, he’d even distribute the funds for me! So what do you say? Are you ready to chip in with me? After all, what’s $25,000 when we’re set to win $1.5 million?

While you and I greet these claims with a healthy dose of skepticism, many people, unfortunately, take the bait and are conned out of their life’s savings — or worse! What is it about these frauds masquerading as “mekubalim” that enables them to hoodwink rational, intelligent people? Is it possible for ordinary people to discern the difference between a bona fide mekubal and a con artist?

Lucky me that we had that ice storm back in March! Otherwise it would have been a real challenge to catch up with any one of my very active interviewees before my article deadline. Most likely, they wouldn’t have been home; not because they work – since some of them are retired – but because their days are now, perhaps, fuller than ever. What are all those baby boomers and traditionalists so busy with? Here is a sampling of just some of our friends and neighbors and what they are up to.

To the Shadchan:

I’m in yeshiva, recently started in shidduchim, and I have had a few disappointing experiences. A couple of times, when I picked up the girl at her home and saw her for the first time, I immediately knew she was not for me. I was certainly gracious and tried to find common ground with her on the date. Once, I even gave it another chance with a second date. But in my heart, I realized that my first reaction was correct and I would not be able to continue. This happened after a long process of checking her out, taking off time from yeshiva, possible travel, and expenses, such as renting a car.