Page 88 - issue
P. 88
AVEILUS observes stringent restrictions and
by Eli W. Schlossberg Maariv. Kaddish is not a sad tefila. expresses great appreciation for those
Rather, it is a tefila sanctifying the who come to comfort them. The next
I t has been over six months since name of Hashem. Its purpose is to raise period is the shloshim, the first 30 days
the petira of my mother, Greta the neshama (soul) and for the aveil to following the death, when some restric-
Schlossberg, Gelah bas Ze’ev, a”h. I to memorialize the niftar by causing tions are eased, followed by the rest of
experienced a year of aveilus others to sanctify the name of Hashem the 12 months. These periods are
(mourning) when my father passed when they say amen yehay shmay…. My sometimes revoked. For example, if the
away almost 15 years earlier, and parents were indeed the ones who person passed away right before a Yom
now I am in the year of aveilus for taught me the importance of ensuring Tov, the Yom Tov cancels the shiva but
my mom. that others have the opportunity to per- not the shloshim. If someone is already
The purpose of this article is to dis- form mitzvos. in shloshim, Yom Tov cancels the
cuss general issues on the practice of shloshim. So, if a person passes away a
aveilus and describe my experience. All my activities revolve around the few days before Rosh Hashanah, Yom
However, I would like to stress, before I zmanim of tefila betzibur (prayer Tov cancels the shiva, and Yom Kippur
begin, the importance of always dis- times). Of course, davening with a min- cancels the shloshim. Chanukah and
cussing any questions and issues with yan should be one’s goal at all times, Purim do not cancel either shiva or
one’s own rav to receive proper guid- not just during aveilus. So far, I missed shloshim. What happens if a person is
ance on halacha and minhag. In Pirkei one Mincha betzibur because I was niftar on Chol Hamoed? The shiva
Avos it is said, “Asei lecha rav – traveling, but knowing in advance that I begins after the entire Yom Tov ends,
Establish a rav for yourself.” A strong would be in the air, I arranged for but since the last day of a Yom Tov in
relationship and rapport with one’s someone to say Kaddish in my place. I Chutz La’aretz is a derabbanan (sefei-
rabbi is always important, but it is dur- have also heard that Rav Pam once ka deyoma) that day counts as a day of
ing aveilus, especially, that one needs said, “Kaddish is like a hug for the shiva. These are all complicated
clarity on how to observe it properly. neshama of the niftar, and if one miss- halachic questions, and a rav must
es saying Kaddish, he should learn always be consulted.
A Hug for the Neshama mishnayos in its place, because learn-
Shiva is the beginning of healing from ing a mishna is like a kiss to the With aveilus come many halachic
grief, and being surrounded by family neshama.” rules and even more minhagim (cus-
and friends is very important and very toms). Some rules are universally
comforting. In my case, my parents had Observing Aveilus observed. For example, during shiva,
lived in Baltimore for over 70 years, and When a parent passes away, the 12 bathing is prohibited. Men do not shave
many hundreds attended the levayas months of aveilus pertains to all the for the entire shloshim, and neither
(funerals) and subsequent shivas. Shiva children, and the sons say Kaddish for women nor men take haircuts. For a
allowed many to reminisce with us 11 months after the petira. The loss of parent, this is often extended even past
about the beautiful lives of our parents, a spouse, brother, or sister starts a 30- shloshim as some men wait as much as
relating fond memories and wonderful day period of aveilus, which also up to three months and others wait
stories of both my father and mother. applies when a parent, chas veshalom, until they look unpresentable. Not buy-
loses a child. ing new clothing during aveilus is cus-
My focus in this year of aveilus is to tomary as well. If one must buy cloth-
always be in shul on time to recite Shiva, the first seven days, is the ini- ing, some give the garment to someone
Kaddish during Shacharis, Mincha and tial stage of aveilus, when the family else to wear, so when the aveil gets it, it
is no longer considered new. On Tisha
b’Av, an aveil during shiva may be per-
mitted to daven in shul, because we are
all aveilim on that day. Again, there are
many different minhagim, and a rav
must be consulted.
FAQs
During aveilus, many questions arise.
What happens if a man is required by
his employer to shave during shloshim?
What happens if a person has to
engage in business affairs, even during
shiva, to prevent losses? Can he do it at
all? Can he do it privately?
80 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
by Eli W. Schlossberg Maariv. Kaddish is not a sad tefila. expresses great appreciation for those
Rather, it is a tefila sanctifying the who come to comfort them. The next
I t has been over six months since name of Hashem. Its purpose is to raise period is the shloshim, the first 30 days
the petira of my mother, Greta the neshama (soul) and for the aveil to following the death, when some restric-
Schlossberg, Gelah bas Ze’ev, a”h. I to memorialize the niftar by causing tions are eased, followed by the rest of
experienced a year of aveilus others to sanctify the name of Hashem the 12 months. These periods are
(mourning) when my father passed when they say amen yehay shmay…. My sometimes revoked. For example, if the
away almost 15 years earlier, and parents were indeed the ones who person passed away right before a Yom
now I am in the year of aveilus for taught me the importance of ensuring Tov, the Yom Tov cancels the shiva but
my mom. that others have the opportunity to per- not the shloshim. If someone is already
The purpose of this article is to dis- form mitzvos. in shloshim, Yom Tov cancels the
cuss general issues on the practice of shloshim. So, if a person passes away a
aveilus and describe my experience. All my activities revolve around the few days before Rosh Hashanah, Yom
However, I would like to stress, before I zmanim of tefila betzibur (prayer Tov cancels the shiva, and Yom Kippur
begin, the importance of always dis- times). Of course, davening with a min- cancels the shloshim. Chanukah and
cussing any questions and issues with yan should be one’s goal at all times, Purim do not cancel either shiva or
one’s own rav to receive proper guid- not just during aveilus. So far, I missed shloshim. What happens if a person is
ance on halacha and minhag. In Pirkei one Mincha betzibur because I was niftar on Chol Hamoed? The shiva
Avos it is said, “Asei lecha rav – traveling, but knowing in advance that I begins after the entire Yom Tov ends,
Establish a rav for yourself.” A strong would be in the air, I arranged for but since the last day of a Yom Tov in
relationship and rapport with one’s someone to say Kaddish in my place. I Chutz La’aretz is a derabbanan (sefei-
rabbi is always important, but it is dur- have also heard that Rav Pam once ka deyoma) that day counts as a day of
ing aveilus, especially, that one needs said, “Kaddish is like a hug for the shiva. These are all complicated
clarity on how to observe it properly. neshama of the niftar, and if one miss- halachic questions, and a rav must
es saying Kaddish, he should learn always be consulted.
A Hug for the Neshama mishnayos in its place, because learn-
Shiva is the beginning of healing from ing a mishna is like a kiss to the With aveilus come many halachic
grief, and being surrounded by family neshama.” rules and even more minhagim (cus-
and friends is very important and very toms). Some rules are universally
comforting. In my case, my parents had Observing Aveilus observed. For example, during shiva,
lived in Baltimore for over 70 years, and When a parent passes away, the 12 bathing is prohibited. Men do not shave
many hundreds attended the levayas months of aveilus pertains to all the for the entire shloshim, and neither
(funerals) and subsequent shivas. Shiva children, and the sons say Kaddish for women nor men take haircuts. For a
allowed many to reminisce with us 11 months after the petira. The loss of parent, this is often extended even past
about the beautiful lives of our parents, a spouse, brother, or sister starts a 30- shloshim as some men wait as much as
relating fond memories and wonderful day period of aveilus, which also up to three months and others wait
stories of both my father and mother. applies when a parent, chas veshalom, until they look unpresentable. Not buy-
loses a child. ing new clothing during aveilus is cus-
My focus in this year of aveilus is to tomary as well. If one must buy cloth-
always be in shul on time to recite Shiva, the first seven days, is the ini- ing, some give the garment to someone
Kaddish during Shacharis, Mincha and tial stage of aveilus, when the family else to wear, so when the aveil gets it, it
is no longer considered new. On Tisha
b’Av, an aveil during shiva may be per-
mitted to daven in shul, because we are
all aveilim on that day. Again, there are
many different minhagim, and a rav
must be consulted.
FAQs
During aveilus, many questions arise.
What happens if a man is required by
his employer to shave during shloshim?
What happens if a person has to
engage in business affairs, even during
shiva, to prevent losses? Can he do it at
all? Can he do it privately?
80 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
