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that you enjoy and are successful at. sharing your thoughts and feelings may moment, work on fully accepting your-
Volunteering to help others and setting feel vulnerable at first but is a great way self, anxious feelings and all, and hope-
and meeting a realistic goal are some to build rapport and show your date fully you will feel more relaxed.
other things you can do. With an that there is more to you than what is
increase in self-esteem, hopefully you on the surface. And don’t forget to stay Before Rina’s next date, it may be a
will become less nervous and more warm! Smiling, cracking a joke, and good idea for her to take a moment to
relaxed on a date (and those one word expressing encouragement or admira- close her eyes and imagine the relaxed
answers will decrease too). tion over something your date shares and happy state she wants to be in
are wonderful ways to keep the atmos- while out on the date. Just as important
In Rina’s case, her anxiety is causing phere positive. Doing so can go a long is doing things before the date to help
her to view the guy she is dating as way in calming your nerves (and his), get in the right mood. I love using
scrutinizing and judgmental of her. and make the date a pleasant experi- music to help soothe nerves and set
Most of the time, this isn’t the case, and ence for both of you. the mood. Turn on something that will
she would probably find it helpful to help you feel calm, energized, or happy
shift her mindset. She should approach It is also helpful to remember the while you are getting ready! Remember
the date as if this guy is already a value of being “present.” That means to keep expectations of yourself, the
friend, someone who is nice and is curi- resisting the urge to let your mind wan- guy you are going out with, and the
ous to get to know her better. After all, der into thoughts about your workday evening realistic. Things may not go
he did ask her out on a date! Rina’s or even whether or not you want to go according to ideal plan, but that is
goal should be to feel confident out on another date. Save all that for okay. After all, we are only human!
enough to be her genuine, interesting later and just focus on what is happen-
self and not feel stressed about guess- ing right now. My wish to Rina – and all singles –
ing how her date wants her to be. is that they have confidence in who
I advised Rina that, if she still found they are and only pleasant dating expe-
I advise daters to look for chances herself with anxious feelings while on riences.◆
while on the date to be curious, open, the date, she should not panic! Instead
and warm. Expressing curiosity about of fighting her feelings, accept them. I Shira Alt, MS, LPC, is a licensed coun-
who your date is and what he is shar- know that may sound counterintuitive, selor and a dating coach. She can be
ing with you is a great way to keep the but it is actually a much more success- reached at shira@marriageminded-
conversation flowing. Being open by ful way of calming yourself down. In the mentor.com.
66 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
Volunteering to help others and setting feel vulnerable at first but is a great way self, anxious feelings and all, and hope-
and meeting a realistic goal are some to build rapport and show your date fully you will feel more relaxed.
other things you can do. With an that there is more to you than what is
increase in self-esteem, hopefully you on the surface. And don’t forget to stay Before Rina’s next date, it may be a
will become less nervous and more warm! Smiling, cracking a joke, and good idea for her to take a moment to
relaxed on a date (and those one word expressing encouragement or admira- close her eyes and imagine the relaxed
answers will decrease too). tion over something your date shares and happy state she wants to be in
are wonderful ways to keep the atmos- while out on the date. Just as important
In Rina’s case, her anxiety is causing phere positive. Doing so can go a long is doing things before the date to help
her to view the guy she is dating as way in calming your nerves (and his), get in the right mood. I love using
scrutinizing and judgmental of her. and make the date a pleasant experi- music to help soothe nerves and set
Most of the time, this isn’t the case, and ence for both of you. the mood. Turn on something that will
she would probably find it helpful to help you feel calm, energized, or happy
shift her mindset. She should approach It is also helpful to remember the while you are getting ready! Remember
the date as if this guy is already a value of being “present.” That means to keep expectations of yourself, the
friend, someone who is nice and is curi- resisting the urge to let your mind wan- guy you are going out with, and the
ous to get to know her better. After all, der into thoughts about your workday evening realistic. Things may not go
he did ask her out on a date! Rina’s or even whether or not you want to go according to ideal plan, but that is
goal should be to feel confident out on another date. Save all that for okay. After all, we are only human!
enough to be her genuine, interesting later and just focus on what is happen-
self and not feel stressed about guess- ing right now. My wish to Rina – and all singles –
ing how her date wants her to be. is that they have confidence in who
I advised Rina that, if she still found they are and only pleasant dating expe-
I advise daters to look for chances herself with anxious feelings while on riences.◆
while on the date to be curious, open, the date, she should not panic! Instead
and warm. Expressing curiosity about of fighting her feelings, accept them. I Shira Alt, MS, LPC, is a licensed coun-
who your date is and what he is shar- know that may sound counterintuitive, selor and a dating coach. She can be
ing with you is a great way to keep the but it is actually a much more success- reached at shira@marriageminded-
conversation flowing. Being open by ful way of calming yourself down. In the mentor.com.
66 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
