Page 74 - issue
P. 74
to get married before age 24. Waiting reasons. They just see that you belong to noble, they are creating a “shidduch cri-
for an older sibling may be admirable, a family where your parents are very sis” within their own family. It might
but it is taking you out of the parsha at much in control. With so many girls out help to mention to your parents my
a time when most of the outstanding there, people might think, why should I own experience that, often, when one
young men are available. As the years start with that family when I have other, child gets married, the others are not
go by, moreover, young women find it less problematic, choices? far behind. I have seen this pattern
more and more difficult to find the many times in many families. They
“right one.” They may be in the work You should show this letter to your should talk with your sisters about your
force and set their sights much higher parents. If they will not budge from dating. If it does not bother the sisters,
than when they were younger and just their position, you must request that they should let you proceed.
back from seminary. They become very they ask a shaila to a Rav who under-
sophisticated, educated, and successful, stands the singles scene. You, too, may The first person who stated the
and their ideals and goals change have to change your position of not “rule” that one gets married according
along with their accomplishments. consulting daas Torah. Your shul rav to age was Yaakov’s father-in-law, Lavan
(Especially if the young women are could be very helpful, because he Ha’arami, Lavan the Liar, who said, “In
looking for a learner, the older they get, knows your parents and might per- our city we do not marry off the older
the less compatible they are with their suade them. But if you feel uncomfort- before the younger.” I must emphasize
male counterparts who have stayed in able talking to him, try to find someone that the worst way to solve a problem is
yeshiva for a number of years.) else. This could be a Rav or Rebbetzin to apply ideas and beliefs that do not
you were close to in seminary or some help but only hinder. That is why daas
I see where your parents are coming other wise and discreet individual who Torah is so important. So, speak to
from, but their policy is leading to a sit- will be able to guide you as you your parents and tell them that you
uation where they could all of a sudden progress in your “parsha.” love them dearly and have great respect
find that, instead of two older daughters, for them but that you would like to
there are three, G-d forbid. In addition, You say you “love and respect your start the process, preferably with their
families have reputations. I am sure that parents,” and I am sure you do. In nav- bracha. If not, you must go on.
your siblings had chances to get mar- igating your dilemma, you must always
ried, which for legitimate reasons did not remember kibbud av va’eim. Your par- I wish all of you hatzlacha as you all
work out. But people do not know these ents, on the other hand, need to under- go to the chupah in the very near
stand that, although their motives are future.◆
A warm & friendly Level 3 Residence providing long-term & respite care.
A homey family atmosphere • Delicious kosher meals freshly prepared • Lively and stimulating activities
Caring staff around the clock • Assistance with all activites of daily living • Alzheimer’s/dementia care
Registered nurse on site daily • Discount for couples • Owners on site
Evelyn Shnier, R.N. • Menachem Taragin, LCSW-C
(410) 318-8999 | 7015 Park Heights Avenue | www.sterlingassistedliving.com
66 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
for an older sibling may be admirable, a family where your parents are very sis” within their own family. It might
but it is taking you out of the parsha at much in control. With so many girls out help to mention to your parents my
a time when most of the outstanding there, people might think, why should I own experience that, often, when one
young men are available. As the years start with that family when I have other, child gets married, the others are not
go by, moreover, young women find it less problematic, choices? far behind. I have seen this pattern
more and more difficult to find the many times in many families. They
“right one.” They may be in the work You should show this letter to your should talk with your sisters about your
force and set their sights much higher parents. If they will not budge from dating. If it does not bother the sisters,
than when they were younger and just their position, you must request that they should let you proceed.
back from seminary. They become very they ask a shaila to a Rav who under-
sophisticated, educated, and successful, stands the singles scene. You, too, may The first person who stated the
and their ideals and goals change have to change your position of not “rule” that one gets married according
along with their accomplishments. consulting daas Torah. Your shul rav to age was Yaakov’s father-in-law, Lavan
(Especially if the young women are could be very helpful, because he Ha’arami, Lavan the Liar, who said, “In
looking for a learner, the older they get, knows your parents and might per- our city we do not marry off the older
the less compatible they are with their suade them. But if you feel uncomfort- before the younger.” I must emphasize
male counterparts who have stayed in able talking to him, try to find someone that the worst way to solve a problem is
yeshiva for a number of years.) else. This could be a Rav or Rebbetzin to apply ideas and beliefs that do not
you were close to in seminary or some help but only hinder. That is why daas
I see where your parents are coming other wise and discreet individual who Torah is so important. So, speak to
from, but their policy is leading to a sit- will be able to guide you as you your parents and tell them that you
uation where they could all of a sudden progress in your “parsha.” love them dearly and have great respect
find that, instead of two older daughters, for them but that you would like to
there are three, G-d forbid. In addition, You say you “love and respect your start the process, preferably with their
families have reputations. I am sure that parents,” and I am sure you do. In nav- bracha. If not, you must go on.
your siblings had chances to get mar- igating your dilemma, you must always
ried, which for legitimate reasons did not remember kibbud av va’eim. Your par- I wish all of you hatzlacha as you all
work out. But people do not know these ents, on the other hand, need to under- go to the chupah in the very near
stand that, although their motives are future.◆
A warm & friendly Level 3 Residence providing long-term & respite care.
A homey family atmosphere • Delicious kosher meals freshly prepared • Lively and stimulating activities
Caring staff around the clock • Assistance with all activites of daily living • Alzheimer’s/dementia care
Registered nurse on site daily • Discount for couples • Owners on site
Evelyn Shnier, R.N. • Menachem Taragin, LCSW-C
(410) 318-8999 | 7015 Park Heights Avenue | www.sterlingassistedliving.com
66 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
