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P. 86
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MarFgired REAL MEN MAY NOT
EAT QUICHE, BUT
PenWsaekiss THEY ARE MENTSCHEN!
BIsrael. The seminary is not an EEI,
ack in the 1980s, the tongue-in- be contrary to the Torah’s definition of Little League, coaches made use of the
a true mentsch. organization’s “coaching boys into
cheek book, Real Men Don’t Eat mentschen” lessons, a series of short
Quiche: A Guidebook to All that Hundreds of boys have participated conversations for coaches to have with
is Truly Masculine, sold 1.6 mil- in these interactive exercises and work- their teams about mentschlichkeit.
lion copies and was on the New shops over the past two years. They
York Times bestseller list for 55 were held in schools, including TA, “The message is not that you can’t be
weeks! Written after a decade of femi- Beth Tfiloh, Toras Chaim, and Neimus aggressive and competitive on the
nist critique of traditional male roles HaTorah; among camp staff and sports field; it’s just the opposite,”
and behaviors, it satirized stereotypical campers in TA Day Camp, Camp explains Mr. Fischler. “You can be com-
masculinity in an age when men were Chaverim, and Camp On the Go. petitive, but you can still be a mentsch.
confused about how they ought to The skill sets addressed at the work- Coaches have used these tools to have
behave. shops were 1) effective communica- short conversations about teamwork
Has anything changed? While men tion/managing anger, 2) conflict resolu- and respect with the boys prior to, dur-
may eat more quiche these days, it is tion, 3) empathy, and 4) being a team ing, and after the game.”
clear that the confusion continues, as player. One of the topics was communi- Besides the workshops for boys, a
portrayals of masculinity in the media cation and emotions. “We did role plays number of workshops for men were
veer wildly between the extremes of of situations and discussed how to held in various shuls. The concept and
brutal machismo and wimpy emoting. communicate with words and body lan- the program were introduced, followed
What is a man, and how should he guage, and seeing what the potential by a discussion. In addition, over 100
behave? What does our Jewish tradition outcomes, costs, and benefits of such men and women attended the commu-
teach us about this subject? communication are,” continues Mr. nity-wide event on the topic of man-
◆◆◆ Fischler. “And we discussed what it’s hood, held in November and featuring
Last month, I attended the debut of like to be a man – the classic in-the- parenting expert and author Rabbi
a documentary film at the JCC-Park box way of being a man, which includes Yakov Horowitz of Monsey. He also led
Heights. The film is called “Boy to being tough, strong, and never crying – two roundtable discussions, in May and
Mentsch,” and its showing was the cul- and some of the things that are out-of- June, for fathers about masculinity and
mination of a three-year community ini- the-box. We discussed the costs of not raising mentschen in modern times.
tiative of the same name. Led locally by being in the box: Am I going to be ◆◆◆
Shmuel Fischler, LCSW-C, director of made fun of? Will I be looked at as a While some might equate empathy,
outreach and advocacy for CHANA, Boy baby? But what are the costs of not communication, and emotional aware-
to Mentsch is a for-men-by-men pro- doing those things? Could it blow up at ness with stereotypical female
gram that emphasizes the importance some point? We do some teamwork strengths, the emphasis on these quali-
of performing acts of mentschlichkeit exercises, too, and stress how it’s ties does not exclude the positive male
as a road to Jewish manhood and uses important to be part of a team – traits, according to Rabbi Menachem
Torah values to help adolescent boys whether it is our family, class, or in Goldberger, Rav of Congregation
become true mentschen. In workshops marriage.” Tiferes Yisroel: “I do not see any con-
with boys, fathers, and youth-serving Another venue for Boy to Mentsch flict between mentschlichkeit and mas-
adults, frum mental health profession- was sports. Coaches are role models to culine traits like strength, courage, and
als facilitated open dialogue revolving boys who enjoy sports, and this was a independence when the situation calls
around the messages society sends way to combine a mini-workshop with for those qualities. Many of these traits
about being a man and how they may a fun activity. At the Sunday Jewish are present in a healthy way in both
82 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
MarFgired REAL MEN MAY NOT
EAT QUICHE, BUT
PenWsaekiss THEY ARE MENTSCHEN!
BIsrael. The seminary is not an EEI,
ack in the 1980s, the tongue-in- be contrary to the Torah’s definition of Little League, coaches made use of the
a true mentsch. organization’s “coaching boys into
cheek book, Real Men Don’t Eat mentschen” lessons, a series of short
Quiche: A Guidebook to All that Hundreds of boys have participated conversations for coaches to have with
is Truly Masculine, sold 1.6 mil- in these interactive exercises and work- their teams about mentschlichkeit.
lion copies and was on the New shops over the past two years. They
York Times bestseller list for 55 were held in schools, including TA, “The message is not that you can’t be
weeks! Written after a decade of femi- Beth Tfiloh, Toras Chaim, and Neimus aggressive and competitive on the
nist critique of traditional male roles HaTorah; among camp staff and sports field; it’s just the opposite,”
and behaviors, it satirized stereotypical campers in TA Day Camp, Camp explains Mr. Fischler. “You can be com-
masculinity in an age when men were Chaverim, and Camp On the Go. petitive, but you can still be a mentsch.
confused about how they ought to The skill sets addressed at the work- Coaches have used these tools to have
behave. shops were 1) effective communica- short conversations about teamwork
Has anything changed? While men tion/managing anger, 2) conflict resolu- and respect with the boys prior to, dur-
may eat more quiche these days, it is tion, 3) empathy, and 4) being a team ing, and after the game.”
clear that the confusion continues, as player. One of the topics was communi- Besides the workshops for boys, a
portrayals of masculinity in the media cation and emotions. “We did role plays number of workshops for men were
veer wildly between the extremes of of situations and discussed how to held in various shuls. The concept and
brutal machismo and wimpy emoting. communicate with words and body lan- the program were introduced, followed
What is a man, and how should he guage, and seeing what the potential by a discussion. In addition, over 100
behave? What does our Jewish tradition outcomes, costs, and benefits of such men and women attended the commu-
teach us about this subject? communication are,” continues Mr. nity-wide event on the topic of man-
◆◆◆ Fischler. “And we discussed what it’s hood, held in November and featuring
Last month, I attended the debut of like to be a man – the classic in-the- parenting expert and author Rabbi
a documentary film at the JCC-Park box way of being a man, which includes Yakov Horowitz of Monsey. He also led
Heights. The film is called “Boy to being tough, strong, and never crying – two roundtable discussions, in May and
Mentsch,” and its showing was the cul- and some of the things that are out-of- June, for fathers about masculinity and
mination of a three-year community ini- the-box. We discussed the costs of not raising mentschen in modern times.
tiative of the same name. Led locally by being in the box: Am I going to be ◆◆◆
Shmuel Fischler, LCSW-C, director of made fun of? Will I be looked at as a While some might equate empathy,
outreach and advocacy for CHANA, Boy baby? But what are the costs of not communication, and emotional aware-
to Mentsch is a for-men-by-men pro- doing those things? Could it blow up at ness with stereotypical female
gram that emphasizes the importance some point? We do some teamwork strengths, the emphasis on these quali-
of performing acts of mentschlichkeit exercises, too, and stress how it’s ties does not exclude the positive male
as a road to Jewish manhood and uses important to be part of a team – traits, according to Rabbi Menachem
Torah values to help adolescent boys whether it is our family, class, or in Goldberger, Rav of Congregation
become true mentschen. In workshops marriage.” Tiferes Yisroel: “I do not see any con-
with boys, fathers, and youth-serving Another venue for Boy to Mentsch flict between mentschlichkeit and mas-
adults, frum mental health profession- was sports. Coaches are role models to culine traits like strength, courage, and
als facilitated open dialogue revolving boys who enjoy sports, and this was a independence when the situation calls
around the messages society sends way to combine a mini-workshop with for those qualities. Many of these traits
about being a man and how they may a fun activity. At the Sunday Jewish are present in a healthy way in both
82 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
