I read a fascinating article recently in Tablet online magazine, entitled, “Baal Teshuva: The Next Generation,” by Israeli writer Dana Kessler. She tells of an interesting phenomenon that occurred in Israel in the 1970s: In the wake of the psychological upheavals of the Six Day War in 1967 (with its staggering victory) and the Yom Kippur War in 1973 (with its devastating near defeat), some secular Israeli celebrities turned “ultra-Orthodox,” to the shock of their friends. They include popular comedian and movie star Uri Zohar as well as a few prominent scientists, such as chemistry professor Doron Auerbach. The trickle became a flood. “Thousands of Israelis became chozrim beteshuva in the late 1970s and early ’80s,” writes Kessler, and “most of this first wave joined closed-off chareidi communities, believing that the light shines brightest in the world of the ultra-Orthodox.”

The Tablet article explores what happened to the children those newly chareidi Israelis who tried to integrate and become “real” chareidim. It found that the picture was not all rosy. “Now their oldest children are grown up and have children of their own, and they can testify to the fact that for many, their cultural, financial, and social assimilation into the chareidi world can be deemed a failure,” she writes. “Many of the children of the original chozrim beteshuva have since left the chareidi communities where they were raised. And while their parents have, by and large, not returned to the secular world, many have changed their relationship to the chareidi world.”

Rochel glanced at the posters on the wall while her daughter quietly played with the toys in the doctor’s office. One of the posters seemed to jump out at her. The poster, whose title was obscured, showed a path similar to the one found on the Candy Land game board. The path, which was separated into colorful rectangles, contained information that gave her the validation and peace of mind that she had been seeking.

The first box contained two statements: The first was “Turns his head when you call his name.” Now, although this didn’t always happen, it did happen sometimes.

This is for you, my fellow single Jewish women. Essentially, anyone may be able to relate to this article, but right now, I’m writing for you. All of you are in my mind. At times, it may feel like you’re alone. But you aren’t. Because we are all in this together. In the world of shidduchim, it’s easy for us to feel like we are just one of a million resumes. My intention in this article is to show that you are not one of a million, but one in a million. 

So here’s the thing: I thought about writing an article with all of the procedural tasks that may lead to getting more shidduch suggestions. The problem is that you probably know all of them. And I can say them in one sentence: Daven (pray), get a resume, meet shadchanim, email reminders to shadchanim regularly, and tell shadchanim who you are and what you want. Done. Finished. Good night ladies and gentlemen; you’ve been a magnificent audience!

Okay, so the procedural stuff is easy. But the dreaded burnout doesn’t come from these tasks alone. It comes from performing these tasks over and over again without results, or at least without the desired results. It comes from trying and trying, until you just want to give up. Let’s face it. We’ve all done what everyone has told us to do. Some of us have been going to events and meeting shadchanim for years. Whoever you are, and no matter how long you have been in the parsha, there was probably a time when you were frustrated. But here is what amazes me, and should amaze you as well: We always get up again. We keep trying. And with a strong mindset, no matter how long it takes, no matter how hard it becomes, we can do anything. So I started wondering, what if all of this was meant to make us into certain kinds of people? The types of people who don’t give up – not on ourselves and not on the future bayis ne’eman that we all want to build.

Unless you have a friend or relative  you may never have considered the federal government as a potential employer. I am a federal employee who has worked for the federal government for a number of years. Having been furloughed due to the partial government shutdown, I thought I would do something productive with my free time and wrote this article. Although the shutdown makes it seem like the federal government is not a great place to work, at some point it will reopen, and things will hopefully get back to normal.

Those of us who in live in Baltimore are fortunate to have more opportunities to work for the federal government than people who live in other cities. This is because the headquarters of both the Social Security Administration (SSA) and the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) are located nearby in Woodlawn, Maryland. Baltimore is also close to Fort Meade, where the NSA and other agencies are located; and Washington D.C., the headquarters of almost all the other major federal agencies.

This article will provide general information about working for the federal government for those who may not know anything about it, including what types of professionals the government hires, the hiring process, and the website USAjobs.gov, as well as background investigations and security clearances; federal pay; and benefits provided to federal employees, including annual and sick leave, federal holidays, and health and retirement benefits.

The excellent article interviewing Shlomo Schor in January’s issue, “Understanding Trauma and PTSD in Laymen’s Terms,” was an informative overview. Now I will attempt to give some general and anecdotal ways in which trauma therapy and the path to healing play out and to suggest caveats to prospective clients.

I am a licensed counselor who has been in practice for 25 years, with specific trauma training for the past six. I have met people who endured physical violence and other abuse, which, while no doubt horrific and distressing, did not traumatize them. I’ve known others who went through a more common experience, nowadays, like divorce of their parents when they were vulnerable children, who remain traumatized as adults.

So a working definition of trauma is not the actual event but, rather, the symptoms of stress, anxiety, PTSD, and somatic illness that one is experiencing. Of course, each person’s temperament and physical, emotional, and environmental sensitivities are also factors in their own suffering.

*  *  *

“Do you want to be a banana?”

“We’re looking for pirate costumes.”

“Where are the ‘Where is Waldo?’ costumes?”

“There’s ketchup and mustard, kids,”

“Mommy, look, a unicorn!”

*  *  *

These comments would certainly sound unusual in the aisles of a department store, but they were apropos at the pre-opening of the Keren Reva Costume Gemach on Sunday, February 10.

“Mishnichnas Adar marbim besimcha – When Adar comes in, increase happiness.” For six years, this has been the mission of Tzilah Raczkowski and her dedicated volunteers. “If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to bring simcha to the community,” said

They’re disruptive; they’re delightful. They’re enraging; they’re engaging. Children with ADHD can have a powerful impact on everyone around them.

Because these children have problems with self-regulation, they often have trouble accomplishing tasks and following directions. At school, children with ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) usually have problems focusing in the classroom and completing homework. Some have difficulty making and keeping friends. At home, their behavior can affect family harmony. As these issues accumulate, children with ADHD can feel terribly left out and alone. They often “self-medicate” deficits in neurotransmitter functioning by engaging in activities that provide immediate stimulation, which can

Purim is coming twice this year! There are so many things to love about Purim: I love reconnecting with people, even if it’s for only a few moments or just leaving a mishloach manos at their door to let them know I am thinking about them.

I love the whole concept of Purim – that nothing is as it seems. It is a reminder that Hashem is here and that He loves us. It looked like the Jews were going to be destroyed, but HA HA, Hashem put Esther in place, and all turned out not only okay but great. Purim reminds us that Hashem is running this world, and when things do not seem to be going the way we want them to, we can redouble our emuna and truly search for the good He is sending, even if it is not readily obvious to us. 

Everyone has challenges; that we know for sure. No one has a free ride in this world. What exactly someone else’s challenges are I do not know, but I know that, just as I have challenges, so do others. And I know with perfect clarity that, thus far, Hashem has sent me exactly what I needed. Thank G-d, we have never gone to bed hungry (except when I was trying to stay within my 1300 limit!). We have a roof over our heads every night. And, most thankfully, Hashem has always given me a chance to help others. In my bleakest times (and there have been a few), the one thing that has always made me feel better has been the ability to help someone else – with a smile, a meal, a phone call…. 

Purim is another one of those times. It’s all about building our community by sharing food, sharing money with the less fortunate, and sharing our time and our tables. You can even go further and share your joy and laughter with those who see the children in their costumes. This is the time to invite someone who does not have a place for the seuda and to take one of your two required mishloach manos to someone who will not be getting 100 of them. Be the unexpected light that shines this Purim. 

In that vein, since nothing is what it seems on Purim, here is a seuda menu of unexpected dishes that are not what they seem at first glance. Look for the rest of the seuda recipes in the next issue.  

A Shidduch Question:

I’m a 40-year-old professional woman who has not yet found my zivug. Although I am very well respected in my field, I unfortunately don’t get that respect in my own community because I am not married.

I am grateful that my family as well as friends and acquaintances are still thinking of me. But I don’t like the not-so-subtle pressure they apply when I turn down what I view as a totally unsuitable suggestion. They accuse me (in a nice way, of course) of being too picky, of not being realistic. They say I am being superficial and not giving people a chance. “Why not just go out for coffee?” they say. “What do you have to lose? Just give it a try. It’s just an hour of your time.”

I am getting flack from my family, too. They say I should just marry someone I enjoy spending time with and start a family already and not worry so much about what they call my “requirements.” What does it matter if he watches TV or not, or if he does or doesn’t go to shul three times a day. They don’t seem to understand that I have a life. With the preparation, the anticipation, and the disruption of my schedule, dating is exhausting. It’s not “just an hour.”

I am not inflexible, and it is not these specific issues that bother me necessarily, but some things are important to me. I’m not interested in spouse who watches TV for hours a day. I’m certainly not interested in someone who doesn’t have a job and doesn’t plan to get one. I work hard at who I am and at improving myself. I want a husband who does the same, someone I can relate to.

I do want to get married – but to an appropriate match. I know every guy in the Baltimore and Washington areas, and I know they’re not for me. At the end of the day, I’m the only one who knows what I can live with and what I can’t live with. Again, I truly appreciate the efforts of people who care about me, but I have to do what I think is best for myself. Am I wrong? How can I get that message across?

It’s February, and I’m basking in sunny Century Village Deerfield Beach. Welcome to Florida! Century Village is a senior (55 and older) gated community, a nine-minute drive to a beautiful sandy beach. Approximately 16,000 residents reside in 8,500 condos. Fifty-five percent of them are Jewish, eight percent of whom are frum. Most of the Orthodox residents live near the shul.

In the winter months, over 1,200 persons attend the Young Israel on Shabbos morning, making YIDB (Young Israel of Deerfield Beach) the second largest Young Israel in America. Three minyanim are held: a hashkama minyan, followed by a Sephard minyan, and then regular Shabbos Ashkenaz minyan, where the Rav delivers an inspiring drasha. With almost 120 men attending, the Daf Yomi class is America’s largest. Led by Rabbi Yisroel Edelman, the shul hosts many shiurim for both men and women, Torah lectures on all levels, and outstanding scholars-in-residence for its 1,000 members, making this community a true makom Torah.