I often hear a common story when parents call me to discuss a child they are struggling with. They can usually reminisce and think back to fifth or sixth grade, when the relationship was less challenging and more positive. Now the child is in ninth or tenth grade, and the relationship has regressed. It feels distant, complicated, and tense.

When things are difficult, we need to look at our options. We need to take a breath and give ourselves a sense of empowerment. We are better than our child at complex thinking and problem solving, better at compartmentalizing, and better at navigating what it might take to repair the relationship. Our kids, as much as they crave a good relationship – and I promise you they do – don’t have the bandwidth or the tools to piece it back together and lead the way. As parents, we need to embrace the responsibility that we are the ones who can help move the relationship back to a healthier direction.

The typical situation may look familiar. You have a child you are struggling with. They are not getting up in the morning. They are not meeting expectations. They are not helping around the house. They do not get along with siblings. You are fighting with them. Once in a while, you try to talk and it goes well, but then everything blows up again. There may be consequences, threats, and frustration, and the child spends a lot of time alone in their room. It usually turns into a vicious cycle, and nothing seems to consistently help. At that point, we need to slow down and figure out what is going on and how to help.

In the last issue, I wrote about shopping thrift stores for fun and profit. If thrift stores are the Walmart of smart shopping, consignment stores are the Nordstroms and beyond. They often carry a surprising amount of higher-end merchandise. Designer handbags and wallets, well-made shoes, and name-brand clothing show up regularly. These are items people no longer need or want but are still in good condition. It’s common to see labels like Eileen Fisher, Vince, Ferragamo, Gucci, Free People, Burberry, and Cole Haan mixed in with other quality pieces.

The system itself is straightforward. Sellers bring in items that are still new or in excellent condition, and the store decides what to accept. Not everything is taken. Items the store accepts are inspected, steamed if needed, tagged, and placed neatly on the racks. When an item sells, the original owner receives a percentage of the sale, and the shop keeps the rest. The arrangement is clear from the start, and the terms are usually printed on the intake slip.

Most consignment shops focus on either women’s or children’s clothing. Women’s consignment stores often resemble small boutiques, with clean racks, coordinated displays, and a quiet pace. Items are not crowded together, so it’s easy to see what’s on the racks and in the display cases.

As parents, we know that picky eaters are a challenge to feed, especially when we are nervous that they are not getting enough calories and nutrients to fuel their growth and development. If growth is slow or delayed your child’s pediatrician or dietitian may order bloodwork to make sure there are no deficiencies causing the delayed growth. If there is no delay in growth or development, the situation is less urgent, and you have time to discover why the child is picky. There are many reasons, and it is important to evaluate the cause before trying to solve it.

Some children are slow to try new experiences in general. Others may may have had negative experiences with food in the past such as stomach pain, vomiting after eating, or tooth pain from food. If there an ongoing power struggle between the caregiver and child, food can be an additional point of struggle. Or, a child with sensory sensitivity may have a hard time with new tastes, smells, textures, etc. Finally, a child who has difficulty communicating his/her needs in general, may have a hard time expressing food related needs as well.

Even with the vastly different reasons behind picky eating, it is easy to fall into the habit of giving in to a picky child because “at least they are eating.”

It may start without warning. A child who used to be easygoing becomes more irritable. Getting out the door to school turns into a daily struggle. A teacher mentions trouble focusing. Homework that once took 20 minutes now stretches into an hour, often ending in frustration – or tears. Meltdowns and dysregulation become part of the parents’ vocabulary.

If this describes your experience, you are not alone. Health care professionals and parents alike are increasingly alarmed by the rise in mental health and behavior challenges among children and teens. Rates of anxiety, depression, ADHD, behavioral issues, and learning difficulties are climbing at a pace that feels difficult to ignore. Over the past decade, serious mental illness in youth has reportedly doubled. Nearly one in three teens now meets the criteria for an anxiety disorder, and depression diagnoses among adolescents have risen sharply since 2010. At the same time, more children are prescribed psychiatric medications than ever.

Many parents ask, what is going on?

K’ish echad v’lev echad – like one man with one heart. This beautiful metaphor of the Jewish people at Har Sinai truly goes to the heart of the matter because it is the heart that unites and animates many disparate parts. It is essential not only to the life of an individual but also to that of our nation.

Every day, we wake up, we walk, we work. Every night, we smile, we settle, we slumber. And the whole time we are blissfully unaware that our self-contained life-support system is working round the clock. Whether we are running or relaxing, laughing or lounging, the heart is loyally doing its job of bringing our bodies everything they need 24/7. Internal organs, muscles, and cells maintain your body like a giant group project, each fulfilling its unique role in your overall well-being. 

by Yehudis Rothstein*

I am often humbled and inspired by the ways I see “regular” people in our community reaching out to those in need. Because our community so strongly values having and raising children, single men and women and couples who do not have children may be unintentionally delegitimized, left out, or hurt. This article aims to offer Torah-based insights to increase our sensitivity in this area. It seems timely to present these thoughts at this juncture because the period of the counting of the Omer is traditionally a time to work on improving our respect for our fellow Jews. In addition, at this time of uncertain security in Eretz Yisrael, it seems important for us to increase our unity and avoid even unintentionally hurting or marginalizing our fellow Jews.

You may remember that Chana gave birth to and mothered the prophet Shmuel, who anointed King David. I would argue, however, based on the writings of Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller-Gottlieb, that Chana’s most memorable – and most important – accomplishments were her prayers: her jubilant song of praise and thanksgiving, Shiras Chana, and her heartfelt plea. In fact, Chana innovated the silent prayer (Shmuel I 1:13). I think we would all agree that the Shemoneh Esrei is the most important prayer in our davening. In shul, a hush falls over the crowd as each man and woman silently stands before the Creator in prayer. The laws of Shemoneh Esrei, sincere prayer offered in concentrated silence, are derived from Chana (Talmud Brachos 31a). So Chana’s influence lives on in our prayers, three times a day, across the Torah world. (See Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller-Gottlieb’s article in Jewish Women Speak About Jewish Matters, edited by Sarah Tikvah Kornbluth and Doron Kornbluth, Targum, 2000.)  

by Esther Golman

Every parent wants a healthy child. Food is a big part of health, but the question is, what do children need to eat and how do we get them to eat it? Observing what children bring in their lunchboxes shows a wide variety of opinions on the matter. One child brings three different kinds of cookies in little baggies, and another one brings cherry tomatoes and cucumbers. Of course, a lot depends on who is making the lunch and how much time they have. But it also reflects the parents’ beliefs about food, health, and parenting.

Healthy eating is not a black-and-white matter. Not only that, but there are many different opinions about what the best and healthiest foods are. Parents are the ones who make the food decisions and shape their children’s eating habits. Some parents do not pay much attention to healthy eating, and others are very conscientious. If they are convinced that a certain way of eating is right, they can often bring their children along. Of course, the parents must be very determined and stick to their guns.

The incidence of prediabetes is rising. Approximately one third of the people in the United States have prediabetes, 80% of whom do not even know they have the condition. It is important to treat prediabetes because, in addition to being a risk factor in developing type 2 diabetes, prediabetes is a severe metabolic condition that affects the heart, kidney, and liver.

What Is Prediabetes?

Prediabetes is diagnosed when one has a higher-than-normal blood sugar level but not high enough to be in the diabetic range. (In prediabetes, the hemoglobin A1C (HbA1C), the three-month average blood sugar, is between 5.7% and 6.4%. Diabetes is diagnosed when patients have a HbA1C of 6.5 or greater at two different times.)

Our body uses glucose, a simple sugar that comes from the food we eat, as its primary fuel source. Insulin, produced by the pancreas in response to food intake, drives glucose into the cells, where it is burned to create energy. When someone has prediabetes, the process does not work well. The cells do not respond properly to insulin, and instead of glucose entering the cells, a significant amount builds up in the blood stream. This happens either because the cells are resistant to insulin or the pancreas does not make enough insulin. The more common case is the first scenario.

If you ask a teenager in Baltimore what she did this week, you’ll probably hear a pretty typical answer: school, homework, tests, friends, not enough sleep. The usual. Because the truth is, we’re busy. As teenagers, we are wrapped up in our own lives, juggling school, social lives, responsibilities, and everything in between. Most of the time, it feels like we barely have time to keep up with our own schedules, and yet, somehow, in our community, that’s not the whole story.

If you ask a teenager in Baltimore what she did to help someone this week, suddenly the answer shifts: “I dropped off food,” “I visited someone in the hospital,” “I spent time with an elderly lady,” or “I learned the parsha with a child who goes to public school.” These are small answers. Casual. Almost as though they don’t mean so much, but that is exactly what makes them so powerful.

I remember back when cassette tapes were something everybody knew about. Our glove compartment was full of all the latest tunes, and my children sang Uncle Moishy songs so much that I can still sing them to this very day.

It was in those long-ago days that I discovered Rav Avigdor Miller, zt”l. What a treasure trove of wisdom there was to be found in what he taught. I borrowed his tapes from the little kollel in Pittsburgh, in the neighborhood called Squirrel Hill, and if I think about it, I can still hear his voice in my head. It was through Rav Avigdor that I first learned about how to appreciate an apple, among other things. His style was easy to understand, and he helped me to see Hashem in my everyday life.

Over the years, I learned to feel gratitude for what I’ve been given. A bright sunny day, another healthy year, kein ayin hora, or the joys of being a grandmother helped tune me in to Who gave me these gifts. I have Rav Avigdor to thank for setting me on this path.

The awareness that Rav Avigdor taught me paired nicely with my early awareness of nature. I learned in my younger years to stop and take notice of the subtleties of springtime. I enjoyed seeing the bare branches of the trees start to bud in the early spring and made sure to watch each new day as those buds turned into blossoms and then into tiny green leaves. Seeing was believing, and I didn’t need any convincing as to Who had planned it all.

I learned to see the world as a symphony with its Master Conductor. I understood and appreciated Who caused the rains to fall, the winds to blow, and the sun to shine. Joys as well as sorrows were tailor-made and planned to perfection.