Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

I have a wonderful daughter-in-law. Everybody says so, and actually, I also think she is wonderful. She is very warm and friendly and always willing to help anyone. She invites people for meals, cooks for the sick, and welcomes guests to sleep at her home. In fact, she extends herself to everyone – everyone, that is, who is not in her family.

I don’t want to sound like the mother-in-law who is complaining about a daughter-in-law. I have always treated all my daughters and daughters-in-law the same in every way. If my daughter were treating her husband this way, I would say something to her. But I don’t know how to go about it with a daughter-in-law.

When addressing the subject of challenges and possible improvements to the American chinuch system, the first challenge is to identify who should be the appropriate audience.  Each constituency will readily suggest another to be in need of instruction. Mechanchim tend to find fault in the bochurim, and their poor attitudes, aspirations and performance. Parents readily place the weight of responsibility on themechanchim, citing the need for improved educational skills, greater individualized sensitivity and an increased time commitment. Bochurim, of course, find both their parents and their rebbeim at fault, rarely connecting any personal shortcomings with personal responsibility. Who, then, should be addressed?

Last Monday morning at the close of davening, I received a call from my son, in tears, who told me that Rabbi Aharon Lichtenstein had passed away. I told my son about his teacher what his teacher had told me about my father 43 years ago: “Blessed is the Judge of Truth, Baruch Dayan Emet.”

It is one thing to utter that phrase to someone who has lost a loved one. It is something else entirely for someone to utter that phrase to you as you are steeped in grief and shock about the loss of your own father.

And a close rebbe, or Torah teacher, is, says the Torah, like a father. So the circle closes: I had to tell my son about his teacher, who was also his father, what my teacher, who was also my father, told me on that terrible day in 1972 when I learned about the death of my father.

Walking into Goldberg’s Bagels on that first Monday, about 10 weeks ago, I was all nerves. I took a seat at one of the packed tables and, ignoring everyone, stared at my phone until the program started. Walking into the Senator Ben Cardin Junior Leadership Program (SBCJLP) with low expectations proved to be an okay move. Because as soon as I started learning with my mentor and heard the first speaker, I knew I was going to gain much from it.

As indicated in the program description posted on the NCSY website, SBCJLP is “an elite program opened to the Jewish community and public school teens designed to create the next generation of Jewish leaders through individual training and exposure to current world influencers.” As to the “influencers,” they had to be “individuals at the top of their industries and…carefully chosen to illustrate the wide ranging effects one can have on the community while maintaining a proud Jewish identity.”

Our family arrived in Baltimore in the early 1990s, and from the time we settled into our cozy colonial on Cross Country Boulevard, right down the road from Cross Country Elementary School, I regularly heard snippets of neighborhood lore from the “old timers” – like how there used to be a golf course in the vicinity before the homes were built (causing my boys to go on forays in the backyard for errant golf balls, which they sometimes found!), and how our block was built by a plumbing supply company (explaining the floor-to-ceiling tile work in most of the bathrooms) – not to mention passing comments from people who said they had played in our house when they were children, as friends of a classmate who once lived here.

Dear Dr. Weisbord,

My daughter is in her early 20s. She went the normal route of the children of our community, and never had any particular problems. She got good grades, has friends, and generally gets along with others. She finished high school and studied in a seminary after high school. When she returned, she tried to find a job, but nothing came through. Even though there are job opportunities, she always has some excuse for not applying and, if she does apply, does not follow through and has not been successful in finding a job.        

I would think that she would be motivated to work, because there are many things I cannot provide for her from my income, but that does not seem to be incentive enough for her to find a job. No job or career preparation that I suggest appeals to her. I think this behavior is very damaging to her confidence and will also be bad for her image when it comes time for shidduchim.

I am a graduate of Bais Yaakov in my third year of shidduchim. Although dates don’t come easily to girls, as we all know, I have had my share. Yet I look around at age 23, still here, and wonder what might be holding me back.

I read a book that has been making the rounds of my friends. It is a secular book about how to “land a husband.” It is all about how to “market” yourself. Its advice on how to act during a date ranges from exactly how to tilt your head to ways of responding to your date’s conversation. I had my doubts about this method, but I wanted to do my best to maximize my chances.