Tuition

Consider these facts:

• Many people in our community have large families.
• Parents consider a Jewish day school education for each of their children to be a non-negotiable necessity.
• Schools grow to accommodate the increasing numbers of school-age children yet cannot make ends meet through fundraising alone, requiring ever-growing sums from parents in the form of tuition.
• It is impossible for the majority of the parent body to pay full tuition, and paying even the reduced amount is a struggle for many.

When Things Don’t Add Up

The inability to satisfactorily reconcile these facts has produced what has been called the “tuition crisis.” This article aims to portray how typical parents are dealing with their own personal tuition crises. It will also mention the differing requirements of various schools, a little about tuition committees, and a few suggestions to help families.

One thing this article will not do is blame the schools, which are devoted to our children and doing an excellent job educating them. No one doubts the schools’ legitimate need for funds to accomplish the mission parents have entrusted them with. Bottom line: We are all in this together.

Managing the Tuition Obligation

The Goldbergs, a hypothetical Baltimore family, have five school-aged children. With a girl in third grade ($11,040), a boy in fifth grade ($12,150), a girl in sixth grade ($12,090), a girl in ninth grade ($13,040), and a boy in eleventh grade ($17,900), their total tuition bill is $66,220 a year. Unfortunately, the Goldbergs have an income of “only” $80,000, after taxes. It is obvious that they cannot pay $66,220 in tuition and also pay for food, clothing, and shelter, let alone other necessities.

So, how do ordinary families in Baltimore manage their tuition bills? What choices do they make and why? Before looking at a selection of families, let’s acknowledge that every family is different – not only in their fiscal circumstances but also their hashkafos (philosophy), family resources, physical and emotional strength, and ability to manage stress.

Some families are determined to pay full tuition or close to full tuition no matter how hard they have to work or how many children they have. Take Rivka*, a mother who works full time as a professional. She says, “Every penny I make goes towards my children’s tuition. People ask me, ‘Then why do you work?’ I think it is because of my upbringing. My mother always expected us to do more and be the best. It is ingrained in me that I should always strive to fulfill the maximum; I therefore pay as much as I can towards tuition. If I can’t afford to shop in expensive stores for clothing, send my children to camp, or paint my house because I spend so much money on tuition, so be it. I try very hard not to look at what others are doing. Tuition is between the family, the tuition committee, and Hashem.”

Other families pay as much tuition as they can and are thankful that the schools understand their situation.

Tzipora*, a mother of a large family, who does not have paid employment, explains, “My goal is to bring up well-balanced, happy, frum children, and I think that, for me, staying home is the best way to do that. In my opinion, there are two parts to bringing up children: the home’s investment in the child and the school’s investment. Both have to be thriving. I know that other mothers are able to work and still be fully invested, but considering my personality and other factors in my life, if I went to work to be able to pay more tuition, I would be damaging the home aspect of my children’s chinuch. It would just be counterproductive.” Tzipora feels very grateful to her children’s schools for helping her educate her children. She feels that tuition is assessed fairly, and although struggling financially, she has no complaints.

Paulette*, another stay-at-home mother, is also happy to pay what the school’s tuition committee requires her to. “The education in Baltimore is of better quality than in some other cities because we have smaller classes,” she says. Paulette puts the hardship of tuition into historical perspective: “Jews in earlier generations worried about pogroms, government decrees, low standards of living, and being able to keep Shabbos. We are living in America in 2018, with unsurpassed freedom and an incredibly high standard of living. Everything is handed to us on a silver platter. What mesiras nefesh (sacrifice) for Yiddishkeit can we credit ourselves with? We have large families and we pay tuition, which keeps even the high salary earners struggling to make ends meet. May Hakadosh Baruch Hu reward us well for our efforts.” Paulette spends her time driving carpools, helping her husband with his business, and using her homemaking skills to save money. “I spend much less money on food, clothing, and other things because I have the time to do it myself,” she says.

Dovid*, a professional with six children in school, says, “I understand where the schools and tuition committees are coming from, and I don’t have bad feelings towards them. They have always been respectful and reasonable with us, and I appreciate that. The value that I get by sending my children to Jewish schools is worth the money. I know the schools are not overcharging, because if you check the internet you can see that non-Jewish private schools in Maryland charge approximately $10,000 for elementary school and $16,000 for high school. However, I would appreciate it if the schools would do what they can to reduce costs.

“My family is able to pay for tuition because we cut back on other expenses,” continues Dovid. “We don’t spend more than $500 on a vacation every year, and we unfortunately have a large credit card balance, which, because of our tuition obligations, feels like it will be impossible to pay off. We both work full time in order to pay our (reduced) tuition, but it feels like we are paying more than our fair share as compared to others. Two parents working involves a significant amount of stress, such as dealing with carpools, the kids days off, sick days, etc.

“Tuition has been referred to as the ‘great equalizer,’” says Dovid, “since, if you have two families with five children each, and one family is making $130,000, while the other family is making $65,000, their net cash after taxes, tuition, and government assistance programs is likely substantially the same.

“We are not saving as much as we should. When I hear my non-Jewish coworkers talking about maxing out their 401(k) contributions (about $18,000 a year) in order to save for retirement, I think, why aren’t we doing that? But that would clearly be impossible for us,” he concludes.

It is a given that anything that involves money is going to involve stress, tension, and disagreements. People do not understand how decisions are made and often do not agree with the decisions of the decision makers.

As Dovid says, “I would like to see some changes in the way tuition is assessed. I would like the people who make the tuition decisions to be more transparent about what the school’s budget is and how they come up with the amount of full tuition and then how they come up with the reduced tuition amounts. Just because we’ve been doing things this way in Baltimore for many years doesn’t mean it is right or the best way to do things. Let’s exchange ideas and see whether we can do things in a smarter way to help everyone share the burden equally.”

The Tuition Committee

After hearing these opinions, I was excited to speak to Mr. Yitzchok Steinharter, who is in charge of the tuition committee for TI and Bais Hamedrash and Mesivta of Baltimore. It was refreshing to hear a bit about what goes on behind the scenes.

Mr. Steinharter explained that all the information that parents give him on their tuition forms, such as mortgage payments, health insurance costs, etc., are plugged into an Excel spreadsheet. A formula is then used to calculate the amount the parents should be able to pay. There is a minimum sum of money that a parent is expected to pay for each child. (The minimum for grades one through eight in TI is $5,000, and the minimum for preschool is $4,600.)

“Of course, for some families, especially those with many children and low incomes, even the minimum amount is impossible for them to pay,” says Mr. Steinharter. “That is why we can’t just tell people to pay a percentage of their income. If a family has a small income, paying 20 percent of their gross salary may not be enough to pay the minimum amount for each of their children. There are also exceptions to the minimum amount in cases of extreme need, like high medical expenses or single parent families.”

After the computer calculates the amount that the family is expected to pay, other personal details from the tuition form are used to adjust the amount requested. A family that has an extravagant lifestyle – for example, they live in a mansion because they receive help from their parents – may be expected to pay more, because, as Mr. Steinharter quips, “You can’t live like the rich and pay like the middle class.”

The tuition committee also looks at how much the parent is paying other schools. So, if a family is paying one school $10,000 for one child, the other schools will expect to be paid a similar amount. Of course, it is understood that high school costs more then elementary schools, and elementary school costs more than preschool.

What about Dovid’s claim that the people who are paying more than the minimum amount of tuition are paying more than their fair share, thus subsidizing those who are paying little or no money?

“That is not really true,” Mr. Steinharter explains. “The actual cost of education keeps rising. Only people who are paying full tuition are perhaps subsidizing others. Even then, it is only a small percentage of full tuition. If you are paying $12,000 for your child, only about $1,500 (if that much) is subsidizing lower-paying parents. If you are not paying full tuition, others are subsidizing you!

“Most people are very straight and honest,” says Mr. Steinharter. “I have people calling to tell me that they earned an extra $10,000 and wondering if they now have to pay more tuition. I usually tell them to just enjoy the money.”

Different Kinds of Schools

One interesting discovery in the course of my research for this article is that there are two kinds of schools in our community, with differing policies. Most of the older, larger schools consider themselves to be community schools. They start from the premise that each Jewish child deserves an education. They understand that not every family can pay what their child’s education is worth, and they do not turn away people who can’t afford to pay enough. Community schools are the ones that ask their parents to fill out tuition forms to be evaluated in order to pay less than full tuition.

Other, newer, schools operate on a different premise. More like secular private schools, they set tuition at a certain amount, and all the parents are expected to pay it. If a family cannot afford the tuition, their children cannot attend that school.

Darchei Noam Montessori, whose Head of School is Brocha Margolese, is only two years old. The tuition at Darchei Noam is based on the total cost of educating the children, which is divided among the number of children in the school. Every parent has to pay that amount. Each year, there is a day designated for a scholarship drive. After the money is raised, it is divided among the families in the school according to a formula. One part of the formula is determined by the school’s accountants, rating each family’s needs on a rating of one-to-five (based on their tax returns and any other information they volunteer). The other part of the decision is based on the family’s commitment to the school, also rated on a rating of one-to-five. For example, a teacher in the school would be considered a five. A very active volunteer might be a four. The scholarship money is then divided up proportionally among the families. But no family gets more than a 40% reduction.”

Changing our Mindset

After speaking to Dovid, it is clear that many people have negative feelings about tuition.

According to Rabbi Yaacov Cohen, the executive director of TA, instead of feeling proud and independent for paying for their own children’s education, unfortunately, many people do not properly appreciate or understand their responsibility in paying for their children’s education, and are happy to get away with paying as little as possible.

Dovid seems to fall into that category. He says, “I’ve talked to people who say, ‘Why should I apply for this promotion or switch jobs for more money, more stress, and longer hours, when all the extra money will go to taxes and more tuition?’” Dovid does not want the money he makes when he gets a raise to go towards his children’s tuition.

“Why not?” Rabbi Cohen asks. “Why does he not consider it a benefit to him if his extra money goes to pay more for his own children’s education? If he used the extra money to pay for a simcha or for camp or for an addition to his home, would he also feel resentful? Would he also expect someone else to foot the bill for him?  Why is paying for his children’s education any different? At the end of the day, it costs money to run a school and educate children. Someone is paying for it if the parent is not. Should he not feel happy that he can take care of his own responsibilities in an honorable way? Obviously, there are many people who legitimately need tuition assistance and do their utmost to pay what they can.  But I think for a lot of families, a paradigm shift, while not lessening the tuition burden per se, could help cultivate a greater feeling of pride in paying for their children’s chinuch.”

Learning from a Story

I read a story in an old Jewish Observer that demonstrates a different mindset. It shows how the father of the Ridvaz was willing to give up something as essential as heat in order to pay for his son to learn.

The Ridvaz, Rabbi Yaakov Dovid Willowsky (1845-1913), recounted this story on the occasion of his father’s yahrzeit:

“In our town there was an expert melamed whose fee was a ruble a month….My father said, “I need this melamed for my son, no matter what his fees are. After three months, I came home from my daily session with a note from my rebbi: ‘You owe me three ruble for the past three months, and I am unable to continue like that….”

The Ridvaz’s father built ovens that were used for cooking and heat. One time, in shul, he overheard a wealthy person who was building a house for his son saying that he did not yet have an oven to heat the new house. “My father came home and, along with the mother, dismantled our oven brick by brick, took all the bricks, and built the oven for the wealthy person.” He used the six rubles he received to pay the back tuition and the tuition for three additional months.

“I remember that winter in the house,” said the Ridvaz. “Without heat, we could not sleep; we could not eat. But my father was besimcha because I had a melamed. I am an old man today. I left the house to daven Mincha and it was chilly outside. For a moment, I thought that maybe I should stay home, but then I decided to come…. I thought to myself, ‘How could I have even thought of not coming to shul after my father froze the whole winter for my sake?’”

This story illustrates a point that Tzipora made when I spoke to her: “I feel that the mesiras nefesh (dedication) of the parents in paying as much as they possibly can is more than just the responsible thing to do. Rather, it is a real zechus for the child,” says Tzipora. “I have had experiences where, after we stretched ourselves to pay a little more than we thought we could, it just so ‘happened’ that help came to a child at a critical juncture in that child’s life. We all try our best to raise our children, but we cannot be sure of the results. Hashem has to bless our efforts. We ask Hashem for good kids, and tuition is our korban (sacrifice). It shows Hashem that we are putting our money where our mouth is. We say, ‘Hashem, I am overextending myself for my child’s chinuch. Please make that chinuch succeed.’”

It Takes a Village

Having stressed the responsibility of parents, we have to admit that educating children is not only on the parents. If we as a community value large families and are committed to teaching our children our mesora to ensure our continuity as klal Yisrael, the community has to step up to the plate – because the reality is that a lot of people will not be able to pay the full cost.

Unfortunately, many people feel bad about the fact that they must accept help. Perhaps this story, which I recently saw in another publication, will help. Although the topic was families that need help to marry off their children, I think it can apply to educating them as well.

The writer explains, “I was heartbroken when my husband told me that we had no choice but to accept tzedaka to pay for our children’s weddings. We went together to our Rebbe and asked him about it. The Rebbe said that most of the expenses of making a wedding are not the obligation of the parents alone but of the tzibur (community)…. ‘Whether it is your own money or that of others, you are merely acting as a gabbai tzedaka,’ the Rebbe stressed. ‘The same way you wouldn’t think twice about being a shali’ach (agent) for hachasas kalla for a friend’s children, you are the same shali’ach when it comes to your own children.’

“This is not about being determined or setting goals. This is about dollars and cents and living in reality. And that reality tells us that no matter how determined and how hard a person tries, it is up to Hashem to decide how much he or she will earn, and for many of us, we have no choice but to borrow or take handouts so we can marry off our children.”

What of the Future?  

The tuition crisis affects every Jewish community in the U.S., and many solutions have been proposed. The suggestions range from more government funding to massive online fundraising drives to endowment schemes to better alumni participation to ever-more-imaginative school events. While fundraising is not the subject of this article, I would like to mention two ideas that an attorney I spoke to brought up.

Mr. Brown*, who specializes in estate planning, feels that our schools could reduce the tuition that parents have to pay in the long term by putting more emphasis on cultivating relationships with their alumni. “Most secular private schools put a lot of effort into their alumni,” he says. “Every year I get a phone call from the graduate school I attended asking me for a donation. My graduate school also has programs for the alumni to create a feeling of loyalty.” If alumni feel loyal to the school, they can be counted on to give money on a regular basis. The results of these relationships may only be felt 30 years down the line when alumni remember to bequeath donations to the school after their death. “Many people have at least $100,000 in their estate when they die. Encouraging community members to remember the schools in their estate planning can go a long way,” says Mr. Brown. “Our schools have to develop the mindset among members of the community that we should be giving money to our schools long after we or our children have graduated.”

Sidebar

A Modest Proposal

As I talked to community members about tuition, two themes emerged again and again: 1) Many large families in our community find it nearly impossible to pay their assigned – let alone full – tuition. And 2) we, as a community believe in providing a Jewish day school education for every child, including children whose parents cannot afford to pay.

In the spirit of these two themes I would like to propose a special program that would make day school education a priority for our community. A good name for this project might be “Share the Privilege.”

The goal would be to match people who want to help educate the children of our community with families that need help paying their tuition. The donors could be single people, people without children, or seniors whose children are grown – in other words, anyone who wants to “share the privilege”! 

Such a system would benefit the schools, the parents, and the entire community. It would be a tzedaka program with a personal touch: real people helping real people. If you think this is a good idea and want to join with me, please email me at wwwmagazine@aol.com.