We often expect our children and grandchildren to inherit our qualities, whether they want to or not. We unconsciously observe and compare them to ourselves to the point that when we see a glaring inconsistency, we start to ponder the age-old question of nature versus nurture. This question hit me squarely in the face when I saw my granddaughter walking around with a sprinkle cookie in one hand and a piece of broccoli in the other. The even more confusing part was that she was munching on each item with an equal amount of enthusiasm. Although you wouldn’t know it, this is contra-indicated for my side of the family.
Just to give you a
little insight into my family lineage, my mother taught us to bite off each end
of a Twizzler so we could use them as straws, my father’s favorite food group
is chocolate, and my first word was cookie. This is in no way indicates that I
don’t also enjoy a good piece of chocolate. In fact, one of the high points of
my youth was when I got a whole box of chocolates as a birthday present from a
friend. The freedom to break apart the chocolates or to simply bite off a
little piece to see if it was to my liking was intoxicating. The best part
about it, despite being inculcated with this mantra from the day we were born,
was that I didn’t have to share. Of course, a few days later when my friend
asked me if she could have a piece, I graciously opened the box to offer her
one. (Keep in mind, I’d already eaten my favorites.) Horrified, she looked at
the remnants and then slowly looked at me. Confused by her reaction, I followed
her gaze back down to the box. That’s when it dawned on me that I was holding
in front of her the equivalent of a candy cemetery. I tried to explain that,
despite what it looked like, I had thoroughly enjoyed myself. “I can see that,”
she replied before walking out of my college dorm room without taking any
chocolates, or what was left of them. Although her response didn’t dampen my
spirits, she never did give me another box of chocolates.
Now, raising my
children to appreciate the finer things in life was a piece of cake, literally.
My younger daughter exhibited her indomitable spirit when she won an entire 9x9-inch
pan of chocolate cake for being the best bentcher during lunch. As she
skipped up the sidewalk that day after school, she held the cake proudly in her
hands. Ripping off the saranwrap with the flair of a circus performer, she
presented the cake to her adoring fans (her parents) and announced her winnings.
After complimenting her, I exclaimed how much fun it would be to have chocolate
cake for dessert after dinner. Clearly that wasn’t what she had in mind. In
response, she told me that the cake was hers and she wasn’t sharing. As I
attempted to dispel her of this notion, she quickly set the record straight.
With both hands, she lifted the cake to her mouth and proceeded to lick the
entire thing. Apparently, my daughter inherited my aversion to sharing as well
as my affinity for cake.
Children develop a
clear understanding, not just of the importance but also of the hierarchy of
nosh. One Purim, after all the shalach manos had been collected and
sorted, my children got down to the serious business of trading. For those of
you who have been privy to hearing these exchanges, you know there is an
unspoken hierarchy that is accepted by children nationwide. For example, bags of
chips are on the low end of the totem pole, while cans of soda are on the
higher end. Items like raisins and oranges are banished to the kitchen without
a backward glance. What I didn’t realize is that some items are in a class all
by themselves. On this particular occasion, my son and daughter were bargaining
away. Apparently, things weren’t going smoothly. My son kept insisting that she
had to give him five pieces of chocolate for one piece of gum. Now, anyone with
experience as an insider trader can see the inequity of the situation. Curious
as to why he thought this was a fair trade, I wandered over and asked him.
“Mommy, you don’t
understand,” he replied, “gum is forever.” Mystery solved. Just for the record,
he only got two pieces of chocolate for the gum. She’s still chewing it today.
Fortunately, there
were other indications along the way that my children had their priorities
straight. Recently, my kids were reminiscing about the lunches they used to
take to school. In addition to fondly remembering all the trading that took
place with their friends, they started talking about their favorite snacks.
Apparently one of snacks that made the top 10 list was a small, pre-packaged
bag of trail mix that contained M&Ms. I sat there mentally congratulating
myself for providing a snack that contained some healthy components and that
also fell into the category of a treat. The conversation took a quick left turn,
however, when my daughter confessed that she used to pick out the M&Ms and
throw out the rest. Upon hearing her confession, my other kids laughingly
admitted they used to do the same thing. Why was I not surprised?
Truth be told, we
are a family of healthy eaters despite evidence indicating otherwise. Today, we
value our veggies almost as much as our sweets. As I continued watching my
granddaughter clutching her green cruciferous vegetable in one hand and the
sprinkle cookie in the other, I came to the conclusion that what I was seeing
was a balance between nature and nurture. I was completely convinced of this
when she tried to “dip” her broccoli into the sprinkles on her cookie. Let’s
just say, it warmed my heart, especially since she refused to share her cookie
with me.
