I’m not usually one to wax poetic about the days of yore, but when I was a kid life was simpler. In the summertime, instead of carrying around enormous water bottles, we played in the backyard and drank from the garden hose. In the wintertime, instead of going to an Airbnb (which didn’t even exist) in Florida, we built snowmen and went sledding in the park. Food was also simpler. We drank water, soda, iced tea, or Kool-Aid, none of which exceeded three syllables, and we could always pronounce the ingredients in our food.
Another area where the simplicity of
life was readily apparent was in the cereal aisle. You see, the cereal aisle
had fewer choices to the degree that plain Cheerios, the only type, wasn’t even
considered a flavor. Half the cereals we know today did not even exist, and
“frosted” cereal was limited to flakes. Lest you think the cereal aisle lacked
luster, you are mistaken. First of all, most cereals had a prize inside. Need I
say more? Second of all, cereal was our friend. We grew up with Tony the Tiger,
Toucan Sam, and don’t forget our little friends, Snap, Crackle, and Pop. Being
from a family devoted to Rice Krispies, Snap, Crackle, and Pop played a
starring role in my childhood. Not only did we welcome them most mornings at
the breakfast table, but they also inspired another childhood rite of passage –
learning how to snap. You know, with your fingers. It sounds like a fun way to
spend time at the breakfast table. The only problem was, I couldn’t snap. Being
the youngest, it was especially distressing since both of my older siblings had
already mastered this skill. To their credit, they tried to teach me, but it’s
really very hard to learn. At some point, however, I achieved a certain level
of mastery and was able to move on with my life.
Now, snapping in any form took a
long hiatus from my life until one summer day, when I got a phone call from my
son who was at sleepaway camp. I answered the phone with an enthusiastic, “Hi,
sweetie, how are you doing?” This was the response: “Mommy, what do snapping
turtles eat?” My first thought was, “What?” My second thought was that I was
pleased that he even thought I knew the answer to this question. Before, I
could think of a third thought, I heard him ask with an urgency in his voice,
“Can you hurry up and google it? Our turtle is hungry!”
It seems that he and his friends
found a turtle near the lake and decided that they would adopt it for a pet. Never
mind the possibility of salmonella poisoning and the fact that it was doing
fine without their help. That wasn’t the point. I quickly googled the
information, reported it back to my son and hoped for the best. FYI, it wasn’t
really a snapping turtle, and after two days of taking care of what is
essentially the equivalent of a pet rock, the boys decided to return the turtle
to its natural habitat.
For the next few years, the snap in
my life was relegated to an occasional sugar snap pea and drinking Snapple,
which was partially motivated by my thirst for knowledge since facts printed on
the cap are always interesting, although not necessarily true. It wasn’t until
my daughter got engaged that snaps came back into my life with a vengeance. You
know, the kind used on clothing. She was getting ready to wear one of her new
dresses and needed a snap sewn onto it. Now, as a person who knits, crochets,
needlepoints, and even makes lace, I was happy to offer my services. I am not
just committed to various types of crafty stuff, I also have a sewing box that
practically qualifies as a haberdashery, filled with all types of notions that,
of course, includes snaps. What I hadn’t taken into account was my lack of
snap-sewing experience. Let me tell you, sewing on a snap is a world unto
itself.
You see, a snap is not like a
button. A snap has two sides to it, each of which has to be sewn on separately.
Each half, in addition to having holes that are microscopic, must be aligned
properly so they match up with each other. The holes on the sides of the snaps
are also surrounded by the metal the snap is made of, making it difficult to
pass a needle through. After much grit and sweat, not to mention a pricked
finger or ten, I finally managed to sew both sides of the snap onto the
garment. Even though my handiwork resembled the expertise of a three-year old,
I was proud of myself, or at least relieved that it was over. Unfortunately, my
relief was short lived. When my daughter tried to fasten the snap, she failed.
This is not because she lacks the ability to snap. It’s because I sewed the
snap on backwards. Needless to say, if anyone needs a snap sewn on, I can
recommend three local establishments. I no longer offer this service.
Unfortunately, snapping no longer
holds the allure it did when I breakfasted on Rice Krispies. However, Snap, Crackle,
and Pop are still very much a part of my life. You see, as I enter what I call
the “used car stage of life,” body parts have a way of malfunctioning. Most of
the time, they aren’t particularly serious and just require a tune-up. My most
recent experience is with my thumb. Let me explain. Basically, about two weeks
ago, when I was minding my own business, I inadvertently bent my thumb. Now,
I’m sure everyone bends their thumb multiple times a day without ever even
noticing it. Well, on that day, I noticed it. It started with a snap and ended
with a pop. (It seems Crackle was off duty that day.) Unbeknownst to me, the tendon
in the base of my thumb, which I didn’t even know was in there, somehow became
inflamed. This resulted in the joint in the middle of my thumb popping instead
of bending. This fun little malady is called trigger finger. At first, I was
intrigued by this turn of events. Only after amusing myself by bending my thumb
over and over, did I realize that my finger was starting to hurt, and my hand was
starting to swell. This prompted a visit to the doctor which resulted in a nifty
little splint-like contraption, which I’m told may or may not help.
So, despite the English language
supporting a metaphor that lures us into thinking something will be simple and
painless, when someone tells you it’s a snap, take it from me, it’s not!
