Page 70 - issue
P. 70
position, they likely would have posited response must be, “Yes, awesome idea, the grocery store or one’s tenth-grade
definitively, “This is the reason why get married right away.” However, just brother in yeshiva who only peripherally
Hashem placed you as queen!” Why because any one person does not per- knows the bachur who was redt to their
does Mordechai say, “who knows…” and sonally see the idea does not mean that sibling, or even one’s best friend in the
“perhaps…”? he or she must share that tidbit. It is world, who offers the nebulous words, “I
rather difficult in most cases to “see” a don’t see it,” please do not let that be
Rabbi Neuberger explained that man and woman living together har- the guide to saying yes or no. Set those
Mordechai Hatzadik understood that, moniously as husband and wife, and words aside with the understanding that
no matter how obvious it seems to be, conjecturing about which singles are they are almost entirely meaningless in
no human being can ever be sure what truly best for each other is a capricious the scope of deciding who one will
Hakadosh Boruch Hu’s plan is. endeavor at best. We are all but emis- marry. Instead, do some real research
saries for Hashem; He is the true meza- about the shidduch, and let that lead
What Mordechai did say to Esther veig zivugim (matchmaker). the way. Shidduch decisions are best
with absolute certainly was that her made based on real information, real
duty to do her hishtadlus in this situa- If one has an actual concern about knowledge, and ideas with substance.
tion was unquestionable. What one a shidduch, one with substance and
must do and what will happen if one with an actual understanding of the Be’ezras Hashem, the ideas and
does not do it can be clear, but what G- two people involved, and the informa- guidelines provided here, in part one of
d is thinking is speculation at best. No tion one wishes to convey is halachical- this series, will assist us when it comes
matter what plays out, one can never ly acceptable to share, that is fine. It is to discussing shidduch ideas and will
stake a claim that their actions are perfectly apropos to make a note and enable all of us to partner with
sanctioned or excused by what they set a time to have that conversation, Hakadosh Boruch Hu in being meza-
understood or believed to be bashert. but to blurt out an unqualified state- veig zivugim yachdav (bringing individ-
The only matter that lies in our hands ment of “I don’t see it,” even if one, in uals together as one).◆
is making the right hishtadlus. fact, really doesn’t see the shidduch, is
an empty utterance that very often car- This is part one of a three-part series. Look
Not Every Thought Needs to be ries heavy consequences.
Verbalized for part two, where we will continue with
Now, this is not to say that every time And lastly, for those on the receiving
one is asked about a shidduch, the end, whether it be an acquaintance at specifics on how to conduct successful
shidduch research, in the next issue of the
Where What When.
62 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
definitively, “This is the reason why get married right away.” However, just brother in yeshiva who only peripherally
Hashem placed you as queen!” Why because any one person does not per- knows the bachur who was redt to their
does Mordechai say, “who knows…” and sonally see the idea does not mean that sibling, or even one’s best friend in the
“perhaps…”? he or she must share that tidbit. It is world, who offers the nebulous words, “I
rather difficult in most cases to “see” a don’t see it,” please do not let that be
Rabbi Neuberger explained that man and woman living together har- the guide to saying yes or no. Set those
Mordechai Hatzadik understood that, moniously as husband and wife, and words aside with the understanding that
no matter how obvious it seems to be, conjecturing about which singles are they are almost entirely meaningless in
no human being can ever be sure what truly best for each other is a capricious the scope of deciding who one will
Hakadosh Boruch Hu’s plan is. endeavor at best. We are all but emis- marry. Instead, do some real research
saries for Hashem; He is the true meza- about the shidduch, and let that lead
What Mordechai did say to Esther veig zivugim (matchmaker). the way. Shidduch decisions are best
with absolute certainly was that her made based on real information, real
duty to do her hishtadlus in this situa- If one has an actual concern about knowledge, and ideas with substance.
tion was unquestionable. What one a shidduch, one with substance and
must do and what will happen if one with an actual understanding of the Be’ezras Hashem, the ideas and
does not do it can be clear, but what G- two people involved, and the informa- guidelines provided here, in part one of
d is thinking is speculation at best. No tion one wishes to convey is halachical- this series, will assist us when it comes
matter what plays out, one can never ly acceptable to share, that is fine. It is to discussing shidduch ideas and will
stake a claim that their actions are perfectly apropos to make a note and enable all of us to partner with
sanctioned or excused by what they set a time to have that conversation, Hakadosh Boruch Hu in being meza-
understood or believed to be bashert. but to blurt out an unqualified state- veig zivugim yachdav (bringing individ-
The only matter that lies in our hands ment of “I don’t see it,” even if one, in uals together as one).◆
is making the right hishtadlus. fact, really doesn’t see the shidduch, is
an empty utterance that very often car- This is part one of a three-part series. Look
Not Every Thought Needs to be ries heavy consequences.
Verbalized for part two, where we will continue with
Now, this is not to say that every time And lastly, for those on the receiving
one is asked about a shidduch, the end, whether it be an acquaintance at specifics on how to conduct successful
shidduch research, in the next issue of the
Where What When.
62 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
