Page 136 - issue
P. 136
Beltway
SHOMYEVLTAWYA!Y,
“WI. Kinek
ould a thinking Once in a blue moon, so to speak, izes that he is on Route 95 leading to
human being drive you approach the beltway hoping that a New York! Oysgehmahtert (exhausted),
on the Baltimore driver will act like a mentch (human). he finally weaves his way into a rest
beltway?” asked a With this thought you inch your way stop and orders the strongest coffee
neighbor. “Would a towards another lane and, presto, you available (causing a sleepless night a
non-gambler gam- have initiated the lane-change chain few hours hence). Driving under the
ble?” was the reaction as vehicles weave in and out of influence of coffee creates a new
the lanes. adventure driving as the caffeine-intox-
response. icated driver passes trucks shouting,
“Do any vehicles dominate the high- “Ich hobb deer in bawd (go take a
Sometimes, however, “ehn brerah” way?” you may ask. Avadeh (absolutely). bath)!”
Trucks are the kings of the highway
(there is no choice). Whenever my vibel and their drivers fife (ignore) highway Leaving the beltway is another
rules of safety. If a person follows the adventure with a new series of maneu-
Shirley joins me for a trip involving the speed limit, the trucksters honk their vers. First, the driver somehow swings
deafening horns and flash their lights. into the center lane. Next he begins
use of the beltway (aka as Route 695), You then have the option of either moving towards the right lane, trying to
exceeding the speed limit and getting a avoid the occasional daredevil or
her reaction shifts from panic to near traffic ticket or suddenly moving into shikur (drunk) who is weaving in and
another lane, risking life and limb as out of lanes, causing bedlam for the
hysteria. Nu, she’s right! Let me explain. other vehicles approach from behind. other drivers. It is best to stay far from
them so as to prevent a new maiseh
To enter the beltway you must If the driver has some mazel, he from taking place: the well known phe-
maneuvers into a slower lane, but his nomenon of “road rage.” If this is sus-
increase the speed of your car from 40 mazel can become tsuzetst if he drives pected, moving into the other lane can
behind a shlepper (slow poke) doing 40 be suicidal. The poor driver may there-
miles per hour to 60 mph within a few mph! Remember that on the beltway, a fore miss his exit and be forced to pro-
50 mph driver is at risk! The new chal- ceed to the next exit or further!
seconds! This feat is accomplished on a lenge is to move into yet another lane,
a new dangerous move. Finally, he is able to exit the beltway,
narrow ramp leading to this raging river but now the exhausted driver must
After driving for several miles in this reenter the beltway in order to get
of cars, and as you enter, approaching fashion, the driver’s nerves are tsuehar- home. Ah broch tsue dee poor yawr
get (jangled), so he may initiate an (woe unto him)! “Beltway shmeltway,”
vehicles keep you from moving into any effort to temporarily leave the beltway he utters, “never again!” Until next
and drive towards a rest stop. However, time….
space. The average speed on the vehicles speed through the lanes mak-
ing it impossible to reach the rest stop. Those who travel on the beltway
Beltway is about 70 miles per hour. It is Lane one has a motorcycle gang with should probably bentch gommel, the
German-style helmets (which we prayer for surviving danger, when they
therefore in your best interest to have Yidden find repulsive). The second lane return. Vehr darf (who needs) the
has huge trucks driving bumper to mishugas that takes place on
patience and wait for the traffic to ease bumper. The third has a series of dare- Baltimore’s automobile speedway? It’s
devil drivers, weaving in and out. the kind of challenge we can do with-
up, when you will have a few seconds to out! As for the speeding drivers, zolen
The driver may manage to give a zay zich drayen der cup (let them con-
act or to vehr tsuzetst (go bananas) sudden dray (turn) onto one of the fuse each other) and let us be safe.◆
lanes, and lo and behold, he soon real-
waiting for the next opportunity to
enter the race course.
Unfortunately, some drivers are
authentic reshoim (evil) and refuse to
allow any person entrance to the belt-
way. These chiyess (animals) act as if
giving you the right of way is a life-
threatening act! Hairst ah geshichteh
(can you imagine such a thing)!?
Perhaps they fear that their manhood is
at risk by giving others the right of way!
When there is finally a pause in the
traffic and a lane is available, you can
enter the lane, but then you must
quickly move into another lane to avoid
immediately exiting the beltway!
132 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
SHOMYEVLTAWYA!Y,
“WI. Kinek
ould a thinking Once in a blue moon, so to speak, izes that he is on Route 95 leading to
human being drive you approach the beltway hoping that a New York! Oysgehmahtert (exhausted),
on the Baltimore driver will act like a mentch (human). he finally weaves his way into a rest
beltway?” asked a With this thought you inch your way stop and orders the strongest coffee
neighbor. “Would a towards another lane and, presto, you available (causing a sleepless night a
non-gambler gam- have initiated the lane-change chain few hours hence). Driving under the
ble?” was the reaction as vehicles weave in and out of influence of coffee creates a new
the lanes. adventure driving as the caffeine-intox-
response. icated driver passes trucks shouting,
“Do any vehicles dominate the high- “Ich hobb deer in bawd (go take a
Sometimes, however, “ehn brerah” way?” you may ask. Avadeh (absolutely). bath)!”
Trucks are the kings of the highway
(there is no choice). Whenever my vibel and their drivers fife (ignore) highway Leaving the beltway is another
rules of safety. If a person follows the adventure with a new series of maneu-
Shirley joins me for a trip involving the speed limit, the trucksters honk their vers. First, the driver somehow swings
deafening horns and flash their lights. into the center lane. Next he begins
use of the beltway (aka as Route 695), You then have the option of either moving towards the right lane, trying to
exceeding the speed limit and getting a avoid the occasional daredevil or
her reaction shifts from panic to near traffic ticket or suddenly moving into shikur (drunk) who is weaving in and
another lane, risking life and limb as out of lanes, causing bedlam for the
hysteria. Nu, she’s right! Let me explain. other vehicles approach from behind. other drivers. It is best to stay far from
them so as to prevent a new maiseh
To enter the beltway you must If the driver has some mazel, he from taking place: the well known phe-
maneuvers into a slower lane, but his nomenon of “road rage.” If this is sus-
increase the speed of your car from 40 mazel can become tsuzetst if he drives pected, moving into the other lane can
behind a shlepper (slow poke) doing 40 be suicidal. The poor driver may there-
miles per hour to 60 mph within a few mph! Remember that on the beltway, a fore miss his exit and be forced to pro-
50 mph driver is at risk! The new chal- ceed to the next exit or further!
seconds! This feat is accomplished on a lenge is to move into yet another lane,
a new dangerous move. Finally, he is able to exit the beltway,
narrow ramp leading to this raging river but now the exhausted driver must
After driving for several miles in this reenter the beltway in order to get
of cars, and as you enter, approaching fashion, the driver’s nerves are tsuehar- home. Ah broch tsue dee poor yawr
get (jangled), so he may initiate an (woe unto him)! “Beltway shmeltway,”
vehicles keep you from moving into any effort to temporarily leave the beltway he utters, “never again!” Until next
and drive towards a rest stop. However, time….
space. The average speed on the vehicles speed through the lanes mak-
ing it impossible to reach the rest stop. Those who travel on the beltway
Beltway is about 70 miles per hour. It is Lane one has a motorcycle gang with should probably bentch gommel, the
German-style helmets (which we prayer for surviving danger, when they
therefore in your best interest to have Yidden find repulsive). The second lane return. Vehr darf (who needs) the
has huge trucks driving bumper to mishugas that takes place on
patience and wait for the traffic to ease bumper. The third has a series of dare- Baltimore’s automobile speedway? It’s
devil drivers, weaving in and out. the kind of challenge we can do with-
up, when you will have a few seconds to out! As for the speeding drivers, zolen
The driver may manage to give a zay zich drayen der cup (let them con-
act or to vehr tsuzetst (go bananas) sudden dray (turn) onto one of the fuse each other) and let us be safe.◆
lanes, and lo and behold, he soon real-
waiting for the next opportunity to
enter the race course.
Unfortunately, some drivers are
authentic reshoim (evil) and refuse to
allow any person entrance to the belt-
way. These chiyess (animals) act as if
giving you the right of way is a life-
threatening act! Hairst ah geshichteh
(can you imagine such a thing)!?
Perhaps they fear that their manhood is
at risk by giving others the right of way!
When there is finally a pause in the
traffic and a lane is available, you can
enter the lane, but then you must
quickly move into another lane to avoid
immediately exiting the beltway!
132 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
