Page 116 - issue
P. 116
SINGING A involved in child rearing. Many of our
DIFFERENT grandmothers would be openmouthed
to see young men expertly burping
TUNE babies and putting up the cholent in
the crock-pot (even if they don’t quite
manage to do it at the same time). Men
are expected to be more self-aware and
emotionally available. Their authority
might not always be the given that it
once was. Both men and women have
different expectations of their relation-
ships. While there were times when
people were satisfied with a well-func-
tioning home unit, many people’s
dreams today include a soul-connec-
tion marriage.
by Miriam Kosman are natural leaders, while some men Eternal Truths
find it difficult to take initiative with As in all confusing situations, it helps
How are men and women really anything. Even the much vaunted abil- to remember that Hashem is running
different? ity to multitask is probably distributed the world. While we may feel more
With all the talk about equally over the gender divide. Picture comfortable with the timeworn and
“woman’s role” in Judaism, most that energetic male executive answer- familiar, it is Hashem who has orches-
people would be hard put to ing phones, giving orders, and making trated these changes in our societal
answer that question. For lack crucial decisions all at the same time. framework. But what’s even more
of alternatives, our community important to recognize is that it is He
often uses societal roles to pin- The Times They Are A-Changing who set in motion the events which led
point the differences: She takes care of Many people find this confusing. We to these changes.
the children/cooks chicken soup/ sings treasure the beautiful picture of the
lullabies. He earns a living/learns apron-clad Mommy, murmuring tehilim So maybe we have it all wrong.
Torah/puts oil in the car. as she feeds her baby with her right When Hashem said, “It is not good for
hand, prepares a meal for a kimpeturin Man to be alone,” He created Woman
But societal roles, particularly in our neighbor with her left, and smiles lov- as a solution to that problem. It seems
rapidly changing society, are a weak ingly at her husband on his way out to clear that the woman is supposed to
and fickle reed on which to hang an shul – and maybe it even describes us bring something different to the table
entire philosophy about gender. In fact, some of the time – but often, the exter- than the man – and that has to be
different periods in history had para- nals of today’s home are different than something that can withstand the vari-
digms for gender roles that look quite they used to be. ous circumstances history and our own
different from ours. For example, aristo- personal lives provide as backdrop for
cratic Jewish families throughout the Women are more educated both in this ongoing saga.
ages often had nannies who took care secular and Torah subjects than they
of their children. It would have been were a hundred years ago. Women Understanding what it means to be
completely not in consonance with the often take responsibility for support- a man or a woman is about much more
mother’s stature to have her flipping ing their households, and not only are than who changes the diaper and who
pancakes or giving baths. And while they more prominent in the work force changes the tire. It is about who we are
today we tend to assign great signifi- but women are moving into profes- as human beings – and as Jews. Even
cance to nursing one’s baby – seeing it sions that were traditionally assumed as we decry the disintegration of the
as the ultimate in mother-baby bond- to be “men jobs.” Women’s voices are standard, traditional roles, perhaps we
ing – there were periods in history heard more, through print media like can still appreciate the opportunity to
when Jewish mothers would not have this one, and through the web. confront our femininity (or masculinity)
dreamt of nursing their own babies; Women often take responsibility for on a deeper level.◆
they hired wet nurses. and decide policy in communal organ-
izations. Miriam Kosman is a lecturer for the
Even when we switch tactics and organization Nefesh Yehudi, which
use personality traits to define gender, Men, on the other hand, are now teaches Torah to thousands of Israeli
we find ourselves in choppy waters. We expected to play a greater role in the university students, and the author of
all know warm, nurturing men and upkeep of the house and be more Circle, Arrow, Spiral: Exploring Gender
analytic, rational women. Some women in Judaism.
112 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
DIFFERENT grandmothers would be openmouthed
to see young men expertly burping
TUNE babies and putting up the cholent in
the crock-pot (even if they don’t quite
manage to do it at the same time). Men
are expected to be more self-aware and
emotionally available. Their authority
might not always be the given that it
once was. Both men and women have
different expectations of their relation-
ships. While there were times when
people were satisfied with a well-func-
tioning home unit, many people’s
dreams today include a soul-connec-
tion marriage.
by Miriam Kosman are natural leaders, while some men Eternal Truths
find it difficult to take initiative with As in all confusing situations, it helps
How are men and women really anything. Even the much vaunted abil- to remember that Hashem is running
different? ity to multitask is probably distributed the world. While we may feel more
With all the talk about equally over the gender divide. Picture comfortable with the timeworn and
“woman’s role” in Judaism, most that energetic male executive answer- familiar, it is Hashem who has orches-
people would be hard put to ing phones, giving orders, and making trated these changes in our societal
answer that question. For lack crucial decisions all at the same time. framework. But what’s even more
of alternatives, our community important to recognize is that it is He
often uses societal roles to pin- The Times They Are A-Changing who set in motion the events which led
point the differences: She takes care of Many people find this confusing. We to these changes.
the children/cooks chicken soup/ sings treasure the beautiful picture of the
lullabies. He earns a living/learns apron-clad Mommy, murmuring tehilim So maybe we have it all wrong.
Torah/puts oil in the car. as she feeds her baby with her right When Hashem said, “It is not good for
hand, prepares a meal for a kimpeturin Man to be alone,” He created Woman
But societal roles, particularly in our neighbor with her left, and smiles lov- as a solution to that problem. It seems
rapidly changing society, are a weak ingly at her husband on his way out to clear that the woman is supposed to
and fickle reed on which to hang an shul – and maybe it even describes us bring something different to the table
entire philosophy about gender. In fact, some of the time – but often, the exter- than the man – and that has to be
different periods in history had para- nals of today’s home are different than something that can withstand the vari-
digms for gender roles that look quite they used to be. ous circumstances history and our own
different from ours. For example, aristo- personal lives provide as backdrop for
cratic Jewish families throughout the Women are more educated both in this ongoing saga.
ages often had nannies who took care secular and Torah subjects than they
of their children. It would have been were a hundred years ago. Women Understanding what it means to be
completely not in consonance with the often take responsibility for support- a man or a woman is about much more
mother’s stature to have her flipping ing their households, and not only are than who changes the diaper and who
pancakes or giving baths. And while they more prominent in the work force changes the tire. It is about who we are
today we tend to assign great signifi- but women are moving into profes- as human beings – and as Jews. Even
cance to nursing one’s baby – seeing it sions that were traditionally assumed as we decry the disintegration of the
as the ultimate in mother-baby bond- to be “men jobs.” Women’s voices are standard, traditional roles, perhaps we
ing – there were periods in history heard more, through print media like can still appreciate the opportunity to
when Jewish mothers would not have this one, and through the web. confront our femininity (or masculinity)
dreamt of nursing their own babies; Women often take responsibility for on a deeper level.◆
they hired wet nurses. and decide policy in communal organ-
izations. Miriam Kosman is a lecturer for the
Even when we switch tactics and organization Nefesh Yehudi, which
use personality traits to define gender, Men, on the other hand, are now teaches Torah to thousands of Israeli
we find ourselves in choppy waters. We expected to play a greater role in the university students, and the author of
all know warm, nurturing men and upkeep of the house and be more Circle, Arrow, Spiral: Exploring Gender
analytic, rational women. Some women in Judaism.
112 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
