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“It’s So Hard to Be Your Friend”

Rick Lavoie Talks About Children’s Social Skills

What is it about Rick Lavoie that is so appealing? The world-renowned authority on educating and parenting children with learning disabilities has addressed over 500,000 listeners throughout North America. He has created five videos, which are so popular that the Center for Jewish Education (CJE) had to purchase multiple copies just to keep them on the shelf. He is so influential among special education professionals that he delivered keynote addresses for all three major national special needs advocacy organizations: the Learning Disabilities Association, the Council for Exceptional Children, and Children with Attention Deficit Disorder. His message is relevant for educators and parents of children with and without special needs. What is he saying that is so interesting?

Baltimoreans can judge for themselves on January 8, when Rick Lavoie will come to town to speak at two events sponsored by the CJE. They might also consider reading his recently-released book, It’s So Hard to be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success, available for free loan at CJE. The book is about the challenges children with learning differences face in formal and informal social settings. Arguing that there is a direct link between learning disabilities and social skills problems, Rick proposes techniques and strategies to ease social interactions and build the social skills of children with learning differences.

Rick describes the three skills that children need for a “guaranteed” successful childhood: listening, following directions, and waiting one’s turn. He explains that children with learning disabilities struggle with these skills because of processing disorders, memory deficits, and impulsivity, putting them at an extreme disadvantage for social success.

Throughout the book, Lavoie gives parents and teachers tools to help their children develop socially and behaviorally. An example is play dates. While they are a “minefield” for children with social deficits, they are also the “only option” for helping such children, by means of a controlled social setting. Some suggestions for parents on how they can facilitate such play dates include inviting only one guest, explaining the house rules to both children when the guest arrives, and putting away the host child’s most treasured toys in order to avoid conflict over who gets to use them. These pointers will prove to be valuable for any child, with or without a disability.

Rick’s dynamic speaking style makes his workshops and lectures not only informative but highly entertaining as well. He tells personal stories of students he has encountered during his 30-plus years as an administrator of residential schools, making them real and memorable. One time he phoned a struggling student to tell him what a wonderful job he did on a writing assignment. His relationship with that child changed from that day forward, and the child’s self-esteem and motivation in the classroom increased as a result. He also tells of a child with a learning disability who was the “victim” of sarcasm in the classroom. While the teacher forgot her sarcastic comment, and the child’s peers also forgot it, the child, who struggles to comprehend sarcasm because of her disability, did not forget, and the comment affected her self-esteem.

Anyone interested in learning more about Rick’s methodology and style can go to the CJE and check out his best-known video, “How Difficult Can This Be? The F.A.T. City Workshop,” which simulates the hardships children with learning differences experience in school. By putting parents and teachers into the shoes of a student with learning differences, the video causes adults to experience the anxiety and tension that these children so often experience in the classroom. You will laugh, and you might even cry – but you will come closer to understanding how it feels to be a student with learning differences.

Rick Lavoie will speak at CJE’s Yom Iyun and Yad B’Yad Jewish Special Educators Network Series on Sunday, January 8, 2006, at Beth Tfiloh Congregation. His afternoon session, on the topic “Solving the Social Skills Puzzle,” will be based on his recent book and video. (See our ad in this issue for more details.) His participation is just one component of CJE’s exciting focus this year on the social and emotional well-being and competence of children. With the numerous pressures students face today – resulting from an array of circumstances and eroding a child’s sense of confidence, competence, and well being – we are thrilled that Rick Lavoie will share his expertise with our community, helping to dispel commonly held misconceptions while offering practical and useful techniques for the home and school.

Deborah Ann Musher is a Special Education Consultant at the Center for Jewish Education (CJE) and works primarily with area Jewish day schools. Come meet Deborah during “Consultant On-Call” hours on select Wednesday evenings from 7 to 9 p.m. Please call Deborah for upcoming dates. On-call participants are encouraged to ask questions, get ideas, and browse the special education collection. Deborah can be reached at 410-735-5009 or at dmusher@cjebaltimore.org

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Article List - December 2005