Where What When

Life is a Beach. For Some of Us

It was two days before Rosh Hashana. Every friend, relative, and acquaintance seemed to be consumed with shopping, cooking, and cleaning. I, on the other hand, could not even think of joining the masses before doing what I knew I had to do for myself. If I was to stand there and pour out my heart to Hashem on Rosh Hashana, I needed to prepare for it in my own way. I needed to go to the beach.

Finding a beach that is less than three hours away is no easy task when you live in Baltimore. Hey, not every city is as blessed as my native New Haven, Connecticut with accessible beaches. The Chesapeake Bay would just have to do. And, it did. My feet sank into the slithering sand, and I watched the waves crash on the rocks, just as if it were my beloved Long Island Sound.

The beach is the ideal setting for contemplation and connecting to Hakadosh Baruch Hu in preparation for the holiest days of the year - and for unwinding, in general. In fact, it got me thinking. How do people who do not appreciate the beach unwind? I decided to take a poll. This is what some of our neighbors had to say.

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"For me, the best way, by far, to reduce stress and unwind is Zumba!" says Eileen Strauss. "I really enjoy the fast-paced aerobic dance class, set to Latin/international music, which is offered at the JCC. You get a great workout and you are so busy with the Salsa, the Grapevine, the Susie-Q, the Tango, the Rhumba, and the Twist that you forget all your worries and problems. The instructors are fun and friendly, and you can dance with your friends and the other ladies in the community. It's a great social outlet and the most fun aerobics class I've ever taken!

"Another spirit lifter is to learn Torah with a friend," advises Eileen. "I have been learning with a friend in Baltimore on a daily basis, online, and a friend in the Five Towns whom I met at an Oorah Shabbaton, once a week, on the phone. Friendships and Torah, what could be better!

"One more way to relax, if you have athletes in the family, is to go to their games - basketball, baseball, or soccer!" continues Eileen. "I have had my most wonderful and exciting moments watching my kids play ball! It allows you to meet the parents of the other players, bond with your kids, get out of the house, and let out your frustrations when you cheer for your kids and the team! It is a great stress reliever (although it can be tense at times) and a social outlet, as well!"

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Etan Blass, a local graduate student, enjoys going to Quarry Lake, when the weather permits. "I look for places where I can go when I need to think, as well as when I need not to think and to clear my head," says Etan. "One spot I've found that serves both functions is the gazebo overlooking Quarry Lake. If I have too much to do and I need to formulate a plan, casting a blank stare at the water or following the birds with my eyes helps me arrange a plan of attack so I can get things done. At other times, the same water and birds, as well as the fresh air and calm outdoor environment, are highly effective `tranquilizers.'"

Judy Elbaum finds that gardening helps her clear her head. "Somehow, just going out in the fresh air gives me a feeling of freedom," says Judy. "When I look around and see all of the beauty in nature, I can't help but take a deep breath and smile. Whether I'm weeding, planting, or trimming, my mind is focused on that activity, and nothing else seems as important as enjoying and completing the task. Plants ask for nothing more than fertile soil, some sun, water, growing room, and a little TLC.

"As I work and my thoughts unwind; the problems that seemed so difficult to solve become untangled, and solutions appear," explains Judy. "Even pulling weeds can be therapeutic. When I'm frustrated, I pull with abandon. When the weeds are interwoven with the flowers, I have to concentrate, so I can surgically remove the offending culprits. And while I do, my scattered thoughts begin to straighten out. At the completion of my work, with sore muscles and perspiration pouring off me, I look at the garden and see what a difference my efforts have made. I feel a sense of accomplishment and hope that I have contributed to making our surroundings a pleasant place for all to enjoy."

* * *

Shira London, an Upper School librarian in Beth Tfiloh, loves to go to the public library. In fact, you can spot her there on an average of three times a week. "A lot of what I do to relax centers around books," says Shira. "I've been reading a lot of mysteries lately, but I will read many different types of books, as long as they're not depressing or contain graphic violence. I also love to listen to audio books (especially mysteries) while knitting. After crocheting for almost 30 years, a colleague taught me to knit, and I find the repetitive motion, the feel of the wool, and working with beautifully colored yarns very relaxing. If I'm very stressed, I turn off the audio book and work on a more complicated pattern that requires a lot of concentration. That way, I can't focus on whatever is bothering me."

Shira finds that life is so busy these days that even talking on the phone is stressful. Instead, she emails, when she has a minute or late at night, to stay in touch with a close friend from high school. "We exchange long emails about everything that happens to us, good and bad, and I find this comforting," says Shira. "Sometimes, if she knows I am going through a particularly tough time, I'll get a one-line email of encouragement during the day, and this gives me a very strong sense of comfort and well-being. Of course, when things go right for either of us, the joy is nicer because it's shared!

"Another thing I do to unwind is walk," continues Shira. "For the past couple of years, I have tried to walk several times around my block, which is about 1.8 miles - six days a week. While I walk, I focus on things that relax me, such as something funny that happened, or something I have seen that is beautiful."

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Lolly Friedman can also be seen walking for relaxation. "As many nights as I can - even in the really cold weather - I go walking with my walking partner," says Lolly. "She and I have been walking together for the past four years, come rain or shine. Not just anyone can be a walking partner. The two people have to have similar schedules, so they can get out together at the same time; they have to motivate each other. The way my partner and I are motivated is that, at night, after a hectic day, we escape and go on our relaxing yet brisk walk. We talk about all the day's events and catch up on what's been going on in our lives. It is a real bonding time. My walking partner and I have become very close friends from this experience, and we both look forward to it every day!"

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"Baltimore has many athletic amenities for the frum athlete - from tennis at Pikesville High to basketball at the JCC," says Noam Shiman, a member of the Erev Shabbos Bike Club. "Relatively recently, cycling has become increasingly more popular in Northwest Baltimore. As a longtime cyclist, I am very pleased that more people are embracing this highly aerobic activity to get and stay in shape, and maybe equally as important, to let off steam. Aside from the soothing chemical release known as "runner's high," you will also feel calm and relaxed afterwards. I know I do. Another great benefit that cycling provides is restful sleep."

Depending on the day and time of year, Noam and his fellow cyclists ride 15 to 30 miles up Park Heights Avenue, at an average speed of 16 to 18 miles per hour. "The Erev Shabbos Bike Club is a great place to meet new people, and provides a great way to unwind from the weekly stress," continues Noam.

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During the last few months, while Devorah Malka and her husband Nosson were in the process of buying a house - they have since moved into it - she particularly felt the need to unwind. "I would picture in my mind's eye what I hoped our new house would look like," explains Devorah Malka. "My husband indulged me and let me pick the paint colors for every room. I had done a lot of reading about how colors help create the atmosphere of a room and affect people's emotions. Aside from the colors themselves, I found the names of the shades to be very entertaining.

"My favorite mental picture, the one that was most instantly relaxing, was envisioning myself sitting on the couch, looking at our new living room painted in a color called Cup of Cocoa," continues Devorah Malka. "I would imagine the layout and the furniture. Now that we are in the house, it still doesn't look the way I had hoped it would. There still is remodeling work to be done and boxes waiting to be unpacked, but at least all the colors are there. My favorite thing is still to sit on the living room couch, look at the warm color of the walls, and daydream about how it will ultimately look. From the right spot, I can also see the sunny yellow walls of the kitchen, the fresh and relaxing greens in the dining room, as well as the neutral but stately blue stairway.

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In doing this article, I have found that rest and relaxation does not always entail traveling to the beach, as it does for me. For many a Baltimorean, "R and R" can be found in one's own backyard - literally! In fact, authoress Bracha Goetz's greatest relaxation comes when she is enjoying her backyard. Read this poem and see how much she learns there about life:

My Backyard Talks Back

by Bracha Goetz

Picked up a wilted flower,

Found in the backyard.

It had a lot to tell me.

Guess I was listening hard.

Said something separated,

Plucked from its life source,

Just as soon as that is done,

Decay will run its course.

Next there were the fallen,

Dried-up leaves that had collected,

Making cracks about how it does not take long

Once something live gets disconnected.

Weeds were quickly growing,

Surrounding each healthy shoot,

Warning that things destructive

Take great effort to uproot.

We get disconnected.

Weeds race to choke us, too.

But through the dirt, and toward the light,

A tiny sprout cracks through.

I feel no need to travel now.

Enough running away.

Right here in my own backyard

Life has so much to say.

© Margie Pensak-2009

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Article List - November 2009