Where What When

Baltimore Hires a Full-Time Shadchan

Why not employ a full-time shadchan to look after Baltimore’s singles?

After reading a Mishpacha magazine article that addressed the “shidduch crisis,” Steve Graber decided to take the Baltimore shidduch-bull by the horns. The Baltimore CPA, founder of Graber and Associates, wasted no time in picking up the phone that motzei Shabbos to run his idea past Rabbi Mordechai Shuchatowitz, Rav of Agudath Israel-Greenspring: Why not employ a full-time shadchan to look after Baltimore’s singles? Rabbi Shuchatowitz was all for it.

Shortly thereafter, Mr. Graber met Rabbi Yehonason Aryeh Seidemann, Rav of Kehilath B’nai Torah, at a chasana, and discussed the idea with him. It was Rabbi Seidemann’s enthusiastic backing – coupled with the efforts of the Baltimore shidduch organizations Kol Simcha, Simcha Singles, and the Shidduch Magazine – that paved the way for the almost immediate implementation of Mr. Graber’s idea.

Mr. Graber proceeded to raise the necessary communal funds, and Rabbi Meyer Brull was hired on June 1. A talmid of Baltimore’s Talmudical Academy, the Long Beach yeshiva, Mir Yerushalayim, and Beth Medrash Govoha in Lakewood, Rabbi Brull is the son of Rabbi Boruch and Mrs. Chaya Esther Brull of Baltimore. The husband and father, who is in his early thirties, already had nine successful shidduchim under his belt, having been involved with shidduchim on a part-time basis for the past eight years.

A Labor of Love

“What I like most about this job,” says Rabbi Brull, “is that I get to interact with people on a daily basis, and I have the opportunity to help people on a daily basis.” For the past six weeks, Rabbi Brull has made the trip to Baltimore every other week to interview singles. He has interviewed 150 singles and redt over 200 shidduchim ideas. Seventeen couples went out on dates. “Those who have tried their hand at shidduchim know that these statistics are impressive,” says Rabbi Brull, “considering the fact that singles are typically busy, not yet going out, or disinterested in a suggestion.”

Though no marriages have yet emerged from Rabbi Brull’s activities, his success can be measured in terms of the hope he gives to Baltimore singles and their parents, who know that they have someone looking out for them. In addition, through his large network of contacts, he has become a clearinghouse for both young men and women who would like more information before acting on a shidduch suggestion.

What factors does Rabbi Brull consider in suggesting his shidduchim? “Generally, I try to look for similar background and upbringing,” says Rabbi Brull. “I also consider similar ideals and visions of the type of home a young person wants to set up.”

In his experience dealing with our community’s single women, Rabbi Brull notes that they are all looking for a mensch, with good middos, and qualities vital for building a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael. Most of them would be willing to relocate for the right one. “As my grandmother, Mrs. Leah Friedman, always says, ‘With a spouse you go over the ocean!’”

Rabbi Brull’s own advice to singles is to have bitachon and emuna (faith) that Hashem will send the right one at the right time. To his older singles, he suggests that, without compromising on the important things like middos and menschlichkeit, they should look “outside the box.” In other words, if the shidduch comes in different packaging than what they had originally anticipated, they should not turn it down.

Setting the Precedent

Thanks to Mr. Graber, Baltimore has joined the ranks of cities like Passaic, Chicago, Toronto, and Los Angeles, who have hired or are in the process of hiring a shadchan. Mr. Graber’s organization has the unanimous backing of the Baltimore rabbanim. “Everyone has their own ideas when it comes to this, but every minute detail is being decided according to the daas Torah of Baltimore.” All decisions regarding shidduchim will be made, on a case-by-case basis, by its rabbinical advisory board, comprised of Rabbi Yaakov Hopfer, Rabbi Seidemann, and Rabbi Dovid Heber. The organization’s advisory committee includes Rabbi Boruch Neuberger, Rabbi George Strum, and attorney Stuart Schabes.

Rabbi Seidemann comments: “The community is very grateful for the initiative of all the balabatim who have been so creative and enthusiastic about creating and funding this hishtadlus (effort) on behalf of the wonderful families of Baltimore. Chief among the balabatim, to whom we owe tremendous gratitude, is Steve Graber, himself, who is really the engine driving the community to respond in this fashion. The organization, both in terms of its general vision and the handling of specific issues as they arise, is run al pi daas Torah. Ultimately, the success of every endeavor is dependent upon the Ribono Shel Olam (G-d) and, certainly, the complex parsha of shidduchim. But we, of course, have to do our part; we have to undertake our hishtadlus, and this seems very much to be one of the best that we can undertake presently. It is very reassuring to see how many other communities are now pursuing this exact same approach.”

“We are trying to keep it very simple,” says Mr. Graber. “We are not a big organization where 80 percent of the funds go to overhead. We are a chesed organization that is here to help. Every penny either goes towards the shadchan’s salary or his expenses, like gas, tolls, or a cell phone. We have no office, no secretary, and no overhead.”

On a Mission

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Article List - September 2008