Where What When

Child Safety

Some disturbing local news as well as incidents in Lakewood and Boro Park were shocking and painful to us all. We have therefore decided to reprint an article I wrote a few years ago.

While most abductions – like those children you see pictured on the back of junk mail ads – are committed by feuding family members, stranger abductions do occur. They are rare but so horrific that it is worth educating children how not to become a victim. In fact, although this topic is unpleasant in the extreme, experts say that not discussing it with your children is the most dangerous thing you can do. And sadly, as we saw, adults are not immune.

What to Tell Children

I took an unscientific opinion poll of a group of middle school girls on the way to Bais Yaakov. I asked the following question: If you were walking down the street and a car pulled up, and the man inside pulled out a gun and said “Get in the car or I’ll shoot,” what would you do? One girl did not know, two said they would run, and one said she would get in the car. Yikes!

In the face of these responses, it seems we have some work to do: Here is what experts recommend:

1) The most important thing we need to teach kids is not to get in a car – ever. Abductors want to move their victim to what is called the “secondary crime location.” Needless to say, staying out of a car is the most important way to prevent that. This is essential for kids to learn – and it’s not always obvious to children. Therefore, we must teach children to escape immediately.

2) If the man is threatening them with a weapon, they think that cooperating is the safe thing to do. They should know a) that the man will probably not shoot; b) that if he shoots, he will probably miss, and c) that even if a bullet hits them, they will probably not get killed. “However, if you get in the car…”

3) Abductors often use lures. One is the “pet lure.” A man approaches a child and says, “Would you help me find my dog named Puffy?” I have watched TV hidden-camera scenes of this lure being used, and it is incredible how fast kids will follow the man.

Strangers have also lured children by saying “You mother is in the hospital and told me to bring you there.” You should have a family code word to prove that a message originated with a parent.

The most common lure is for a man to pull up to the curb and ask a child for directions. To avoid this lure, tell your children to never give directions. (“Adults should ask other adults for directions.”)

In all these cases, a boy or girl is vulnerable to being nabbed when they approach the car. The child should stay several “giant steps” away from the car. If a car seems to be following him or her, the child should run in the opposite direction, since the car cannot easily turn around to give chase.

4) Here’s an obvious one: Do your children know not to open the door before they know who’s there? They should never let anyone know they are home alone. Call 911, if necessary. Women who are alone should be prepared to scream, “Bob, get the gun.” There’s no Bob and no gun, but an intruder does not know that.

5) Shortcuts through wooded areas or construction sites are dangerous.

6) If you or your child sees a suspicious car, you should write down the license plate number. If you don’t have a pen, write it with your finger on any nearby car. The police will be able to read the imprint. Parents, make sure the car occupants know they have been seen. This often serves as a deterrent, as they want to remain invisible.

7) Tell children they can call 911 for free from any pay phone.

8) If abducted they must scream. Experts say the best word to scream is “stranger,” because most people will ignore a screaming child, thinking that the adult is the parent. If the child finds herself already in the car, she should honk the horn, if possible, and grab the steering wheel to cause a car accident. Although this sounds dangerous, there is nothing more dangerous than staying in that car.

9) Parents, do not put a child’s name on his or her backpack, for all to see. That gives a predator the ability to call the child by name, as if he knows the child. Keep names inside.

10) Needless to say, talking to strangers on the internet is dangerous. Meeting those people in person is super-dangerous.

Safety First

There are many safety devices. The most obvious is a cell phone. If women or girls drive to New York by themselves or with other girls, it is wise for them to have a cell phone. The same is true when going to college or the mall.

I read of a woman who was abducted in her own car. Unbeknownst to the driver, she called 911 on her cell phone but kept the phone hidden. She spoke out loud to the driver, saying, “Why are you kidnapping me? Why are you driving south on Main Street? Why are you turning left on First Street.” The police rescued her within minutes. On my cell phone, if you press 9 and Enter, the phone will automatically call 911.

Another device is family walkie-talkies. These are small radios that have from 14 to 22 channels and are great for staying in touch with your children in small areas. We use them in malls, amusement parks, camping trips, and just about anywhere. I recently saw a pair on sale for $10.

Another great item is an electronic siren. It’s the size of a beeper with a hand strap attached. If you pull on the hand strap an alarm goes off louder then anything you have ever heard. Radio Shack sells one for about $10, and there are other brands. (Do an eBay search under “personal alarm.”) When you pull out the hand strap, it emits a high-decibel noise. Of course, the alarm does no good tucked away in a purse. A young woman going to her parked car after college classes, for instance, would do well to hold her keys in her hand with the alarm on her key chain.

One low-tech noisemaker is a whistle. A few years ago, a frum girl got lost in a state park in Connecticut and was not found for several days. In such a situation, calling for help will not work; your voice will give out faster than you realize. On the other hand, you can whistle forever. Had this girl had one, she might have been found right away. Whistles cost less than a dollar and come with a string to wear around the neck.

Strangers

Most parents tell children to beware of “strangers.” But the question of who is a stranger is a vexing one, because it’s hard to define to a child. Are policemen, mailmen, or clerks in the store strangers? What do strangers look like? If you ask children to draw the face of a stranger, most of them will draw a scary looking monster. Real predators do not look like those drawings. They take pains to appear friendly and non-threatening – until their trap is set.

There are no easy answers on the “stranger question.” In our close-knit community, in particular, it is common to accept rides from frum people you otherwise do not know. Talk to your kids, giving them examples of people they might encounter, including people they know by sight, asking, “Is he (or she) a stranger?”

Another tip: Don’t hire people walking through the neighborhood looking for lawns to mow. (Elizabeth Smart, the rich Salt Lake City girl abducted a few years ago, was taken by a homeless man whom the family had kindly hired for odd jobs.) Some of these people are more interested in coming back later to break into your house. Mowing the lawn just gives them an opportunity to see where the doors and windows are. (Give the job to a frum kid instead.)

In conclusion, Mom and Dad, inform your children that most people are wonderful, caring folks who love kids. Tell them, also, to listen to their instincts. Very often people have an inner voice that says danger. Heed that voice.

For more information on this subject, see the book Child Lures by Kenneth Wooden. Also there’s a wealth of information on the internet, with advice for schools and parents and a discussion of the issues that need to be explored. One excellent site is www.childlures.com

Eli Pollock is a CPA in Baltimore.

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Article List - June 2006